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We have good children that are independent and are trying to finish college before they get married and have kids. We have a beautiful home, it's just not where he wants it to be. Sometimes I just wish he would go have an affair maybe he would find out what is out there and make an honest decision if I am what is making him unhappy or if it is within him. I have given everything that I have short of having a threesome which I have thought about but it is not something I can live with. If I'm not good enough I wish he would stop blaming me and just go on and do what he has to do. At what point do you walk away after 30 years?
I have told him whatever he wants to do I will move with him or work extra while he changes jobs but he says he can't make a decision but somehow this is my fault. Who is crazier him or me for dealing with this stupidity?
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Now he is telling me that it was politics and the economy and his need to control situations that he couldn't control that was making him so angry and mean and that that he is trying to change. He desperatly says he loves me and will do anything to keep our family together. Yet in the same sentence he says that I have problems too and I this, and I that... He is going to counseling and accepts responsibility, and has made some positive changes (like having more patience with our sons and with me and helping out more around the house.) Yet he still harbors this angry, intense, controling behavior and when I tell him how I feel, it comes out. He still acts the same when there is a "bump in the road." Angry over the little things, but now he says it's because we have a divorce looming over our heads. I keep telling him that we just need to take things one day at a time and see what happens. If he is going to change for the positive, then things will work out. But he cannot get angry at me all the time and he has to treat me with respect and kindness. I deserve that much. He says I'm asking too much from him to tell him he cannot get angry.
My question is this, am I giving him false hope? And should I give him another chance? I'm so hurt and confused.View Thread
I feel like I'm being punished. I grew up too quick, and started having sex at a young age, so now I'm paying the price. I'm in love with someone who won't please me the way I want (even though he used to) and herpes.
To top it all off, even though I'm very excited about having a baby, I'm 10 pounds too heavy. With ruined boobs. And stretch marks. I don't feel sexy at all anymore. I still want sex but when I think about it, actually coming down to it, I just get embarrassed and upset with the way I look. I feel like I just want to give up on sex and everything to do with it, all together. I'm tired of trying to improve me and my finances sex life, and him not changing. I'm tired of having to hate the way I look and be uncomfortable to have sex. I hate not knowing when or if I'm contagious and will infect my partner.... Sigh* sorry for the rant.. Just been really upset the last couple days
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Thank you!View Thread
I discountinued using the cialis the very next day and so far I seem to be returnng to my "normal" self. Although the damage has already been done to my wife and she is worried that this is the gateway to me becoming an abusive husband when I am not and never have been for the 18 years we've been married. I plan to seek some type of psychiactric assistance as well to possibly help me to understand what the hell is wrong with me now.
Has anything like this happened to anyone else?View Thread
Really, its like sex and romance are never remotely on her mind, except for about once a week at bedtime.
Even if it were consistent, like every Friday night, then I could at least enjoy the anticipation. I've told her all of this, and she says that she'll try to be open to the way I'd like things to be, but it never really happens.
When I try to initiate, I just get a lot of rejection (or, worse yet, she agrees but is obviously not all that into it.) So, I've pretty-much just resigned myself to waiting until she's ready.
Ideas? We are in our late 40s and have been married 25 years. Through most of our marriage her libido has been equal to or greater than mine, but this has reversed drastically in the last several years.View Thread
My husband & I have been together about 18 mo. Married 4.
When we met, I was going through...a rough time. I was in the middle of my divorce & making stupid choices sowing wild oats I never sowed in my teens & early 20s. I think I was trying to show my ex (and myself) that someone else would find me attractive, that I wouldn't be alone forever after all, etc. But I was also just completely stupid.
From the time I met him that pretty much ceased & desisted. It was COMPLETELY gone within 2 mo of us meeting.
We're both divorced-me out of a 10 year marriage, him out of a 20 year marriage.
We get his kids every other weekend and it's hard to find a lot of alone time when they're here. So we tend to be a little more frisky right before they come & right after they leave.
They just left yesterday, so this started 2 weeks ago.
He travels a lot for his job & we knew he was going to be out of town most of the following week. When they left we took advantage of our time.
I had noticed a small red spot above my pubic area but didn't say anything because it wasn't really painful & I've had ingrown hairs, etc before.
He left on Tues morning & I noticed in the shower that my 'spot' had become a sore. It got worse instead of better while he was gone & I began feeling like I had other sores in my genital area.
When he came back on Thurs night, we made love. I wasn't hurting at the time & hadn't SEEN anything other than the original spot/sore, which I thought wasn't getting better because of where it was & the fact I can't leave things alone.
Fri I started feeling like I was getting a UTI. I told him about it Sat before he left for a 2nd shift job & also that I was becoming concerned that maybe my 'spot' was something more serious.
He had thought he was getting a cold sore the week prior to being out of town. I asked him if he could remember if he had it the last time he gave me oral.
We both assumed I was jumping at shadows.
Somehow the talk turned to exes & I said his probably had something Clorox wouldn't wash off. I meant it as a joke & in regards more to her personality than anything. But I don't think he took it that way. He shot back at me, "What about XX" the person I had been with between my ex & him. He hates this guy. Period.
I had been feeling like I had other sores so I decided to go ahead & visit a doctor on Sat. They did a urine culture & a swab of the original spot/sore.
I know it's ridiculous, but I didn't tell my husband or the doctor about my suspicions there were other sores.
The doctor put me on Acyclovir & an antibiotic because she wasn't able to get a definite on either test. She said she didn't think I had anything other than a slightly elevated white count, but she would be pro-active. She also said my husband could take the Acyclovir.
We've both been taking it about a week. Me 3x daily, him usually at least once daily. I feel like 90% of my sores are gone, but I'm going to keep taking it until I'm sure.
We've also continued to make love.
Yesterday, I finally heard back from the doctor. Urine was clear, but the sore was herpes.
Between the kids & a friend we have who was here most of the day, we didn't really get a chance to talk.
He told me he doesn't know what to think or do. He's very much a man of action, who likes to have a plan, the idea that he can't control or cure this bothers him.
I feel like he thinks I brought this on me/us. I don't want to lay the blame on him, but I've never had anything like this before, & I don't really believe his idea that it could have been dormant.
Once he makes his mind up & speaks, he usually doesn't bring it up again. He says nothing's changed between us. He still loves me & we'll deal with it.
I just don't know what to do or how to do it. Do I just let it go too?
What I'm scared of is that he thinks it came from this other guy & thing will change between us.View Thread
I'm afraid I will always be self conscious going forward and won't be able to relax. He feels like an idiot for saying something and is very upset that I'm upset. He says that it was "maybe like one time" and that he loves having sex with me. That its not a big deal. I am aware that its normal to have not so fresh days but if it was "no big deal" than why would he have said something?
I love our relationship but I'm now very embarrassed. How do I get past this? I know that it's normal to not always be your freshest but I'm very clean and take care of the area, so it's not like I can do anything on my end to make me feel better. He's trying to reassure me now but its already in my head.
Thanks guys.View Thread
I've scanned my computer up and down with every scanner known to man (we're both software engineers by trade). The problem is that he may have written one that no commercial virus software would ever find.
I don't have access to our domain controller or network devices but the last thing that happened was regarding something I typed and deleted so I think it would have to be on my PC for him to trace that. What would you do? He keeps denying it and says he doesn't know what to do to make me trust him. However, if you typed out something very specific to a friend in email and then you deleted it, only to have your husband comment on it the next day, wouldn't that make you feel pretty sure he read it somehow? What if that happened 3 times? Sometimes I feel paranoid but, geez, it seems so obvious to ignore.
I have now installed a well known key scrambler to block what I'm typing in most cases. Not because I have anything to hide, but just to spite him. That is only a small comfort though. We're hardly ever apart since we work together. I don't know when I would be doing something he doesn't approve of!
Anyway, I've asked him multiple times and he swears up and down there is nothing there. Maybe I could trap him somehow? I haven't actually cited the 3 coincidences to him so perhaps that is the way to go forward. What should I do because this bugs the heck out of me?View Thread
Take the Poll
Poll Results
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wouldnt anymore0% (0)
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as long as it takes50% (3)
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say your out if he doesnt start getting help for it at this point50% (3)
I think I'm looking for encouraging words. I really appreciate all of you and hope you're out there reading this.
For those who don't know: my children's dad died in a car accident while I was pregnant with our second. 8yrs ago now. He died 2wks after his birthday (25 y/o). My dear husband now, his birthday is the day after their dad's birthday. It's just a lot of emotions for me to process all at once maybe.View Thread
i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its really skrwed up, thinking its not fixable, my husband beat me about three years ( i was cheating ) he didn't know at the time he beat me. after being separated for three months, we got back together. worked things out and i got pregnant with my third son. now my youngest is 2 and i want out, or do i ? i do beacuse i can't stand my husband. he is selfish,has anger issues,and is not effectionet at all!!!! i am a very sexual person. i try to talk to him but he is very angery at anything i say. ( that may be an issue in our relationship )about three weeks ago i cheated on him with the same person i was with before. he found out. he was angery but said he understood and thought it was kinda hot, that i went out and found what i needed. THATS SICK !!!! IN MY BOOK. now what i have three boys age 2,4,6View Thread
I'm not sure what i should do, i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks.View Thread
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