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Couples Coping Support Group

If you need a place to discuss, get feedback, or some advise on relationship, ... more

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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.

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Emotional Affair

My husband had a emotional affair with a girl at work for the past couple of years. I found out by his cellphone....

Posted by cbear

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Emotional Affair My husband had a emotional affair with a girl at work for the past couple of years. I found out by his cellphone....

Depressed Husband

So I find out that my husband of MANY years is so unhappy/depressed that he is ready to leave...

Posted by YESTERDAYSCHOICE

22 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Depressed Husband So I find out that my husband of MANY years is so unhappy/depressed that he is ready to leave...

My girlfriend dumped me while rehabing?

We were together 2 years, I found out 6 months ago she was on drugs, all the lies and crazy amounts of text...

Posted by An_248557

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My girlfriend dumped me while rehabing? We were together 2 years, I found out 6 months ago she was on drugs, all the lies and crazy amounts of text...

My marriage

Been together for 10 years since dating and marriage for 4. We finally had a baby girl she's 4.5 months now....

Posted by michael15

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My marriage Been together for 10 years since dating and marriage for 4. We finally had a baby girl she's 4.5 months now....

more advice please!

These past 2 years I have swept arguments and hurt feelings under the rug. Hakuna Matata, no worries and just...

Posted by Danjo

These past 2 years I have swept arguments and hurt feelings under the rug. Hakuna Matata, no worries and just tried to focus on all the good things. Our kids, comfortable life, good friends, etc. I've tried hard to make life comfortable for my husband and children yet he still maintained an attitude that he was not happy with me or our life. He just seemed angry all the time and I felt that I was a huge source of it as everything I said and did seemed to make him upset. He maintains that he never knew I was unhappy, and if he did he would have done something, I maintain that I told him repeatedly and that he never heard or wanted to hear me.

Now he is telling me that it was politics and the economy and his need to control situations that he couldn't control that was making him so angry and mean and that that he is trying to change. He desperatly says he loves me and will do anything to keep our family together. Yet in the same sentence he says that I have problems too and I this, and I that... He is going to counseling and accepts responsibility, and has made some positive changes (like having more patience with our sons and with me and helping out more around the house.) Yet he still harbors this angry, intense, controling behavior and when I tell him how I feel, it comes out. He still acts the same when there is a "bump in the road." Angry over the little things, but now he says it's because we have a divorce looming over our heads. I keep telling him that we just need to take things one day at a time and see what happens. If he is going to change for the positive, then things will work out. But he cannot get angry at me all the time and he has to treat me with respect and kindness. I deserve that much. He says I'm asking too much from him to tell him he cannot get angry.

My question is this, am I giving him false hope? And should I give him another chance? I'm so hurt and confused.View Thread

Posted by Danjo

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:more advice please! These past 2 years I have swept arguments and hurt feelings under the rug. Hakuna Matata, no worries and just...

Feeling down about myself/sex life.....

I'm only 20. I'm seven months pregnant and engaged to the father, who is 30. When we were dating, he had a...

Posted by StacyVaughn

I'm only 20. I'm seven months pregnant and engaged to the father, who is 30. When we were dating, he had a cold sore on his lip and had gone down on me, giving me type 1 genital herpes. So combined with pregnancy hormones, and going through my third break out (after not havin want issues with it for a year+), I'm a bit emotional. There have been certain aspects of me and my finances sex life I was unhappy with before hand, and I'm feeling even more terrible about it all. I have been unhappy with the lack of foreplay, about him not ever going down on me. I have brought it up so many times, make sure I'm shaven, showered, etc, and he won't do it. I asked if he just doesn't like to, smell, taste, etc. he claims there is no reason, and he loves to do it. There have been times, talking about our pasts, and he'll for some reason, tell me about how one he went down on a girl- so on and so forth. Or one time he came from eating a girl out. I know he is older, and doesn't have a sex drive like he did as a teenager at those times, but it makes me feel really bad to hear about how other girls got want I want so bad, and I can't get him to... I recently finally stopped giving him head, but of course that doesn't really phase him, cause again he's older and doesn't care that much about sex. But I'm at my sexual peek, dammit! And now, here I have an std that won't ever go away

I feel like I'm being punished. I grew up too quick, and started having sex at a young age, so now I'm paying the price. I'm in love with someone who won't please me the way I want (even though he used to) and herpes. To top it all off, even though I'm very excited about having a baby, I'm 10 pounds too heavy. With ruined boobs. And stretch marks. I don't feel sexy at all anymore. I still want sex but when I think about it, actually coming down to it, I just get embarrassed and upset with the way I look.

I feel like I just want to give up on sex and everything to do with it, all together. I'm tired of trying to improve me and my finances sex life, and him not changing. I'm tired of having to hate the way I look and be uncomfortable to have sex. I hate not knowing when or if I'm contagious and will infect my partner.... Sigh* sorry for the rant.. Just been really upset the last couple days

View Thread

Posted by StacyVaughn

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Feeling down about myself/sex life..... I'm only 20. I'm seven months pregnant and engaged to the father, who is 30. When we were dating, he had a...

Newlywed struggles

My husband and I just got married approximately 4 months ago. We have been together for 3 years. Recently,...

Posted by giannicole

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Newlywed struggles My husband and I just got married approximately 4 months ago. We have been together for 3 years. Recently,...

Mood swings as a side effect from Cialis?

I'm a 42 yo that was taking Cialis as a performance enhancement during sex. My problem was that I could easily...

Posted by BrianK

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mood swings as a side effect from Cialis? I'm a 42 yo that was taking Cialis as a performance enhancement during sex. My problem was that I could easily...

Wife turns it on and off like a switch

We have sex less frequently than I'd like, but the quality has improved over the last several months. It's...

Posted by queston

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Wife turns it on and off like a switch We have sex less frequently than I'd like, but the quality has improved over the last several months. It's...

when friends have to choose during a divorce

My best friend of 35 years is still talking to my husband (who I am newly in the process of divorcing). They were...

Posted by Danjo

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:when friends have to choose during a divorce My best friend of 35 years is still talking to my husband (who I am newly in the process of divorcing). They were...

Husband cheated with my sister!

Hi there, just hoping to find someone in similar situation with advice. My husband cheated with my sister a...

Posted by An_248331

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Husband cheated with my sister! Hi there, just hoping to find someone in similar situation with advice. My husband cheated with my sister a...

Advice Appreciated

I'm not sure how to explain everything or even what I really want to ask, but I'll try. My husband & I...

Posted by Anon_81364

I'm not sure how to explain everything or even what I really want to ask, but I'll try.

My husband & I have been together about 18 mo. Married 4.
When we met, I was going through...a rough time. I was in the middle of my divorce & making stupid choices sowing wild oats I never sowed in my teens & early 20s. I think I was trying to show my ex (and myself) that someone else would find me attractive, that I wouldn't be alone forever after all, etc. But I was also just completely stupid.
From the time I met him that pretty much ceased & desisted. It was COMPLETELY gone within 2 mo of us meeting.

We're both divorced-me out of a 10 year marriage, him out of a 20 year marriage.

We get his kids every other weekend and it's hard to find a lot of alone time when they're here. So we tend to be a little more frisky right before they come & right after they leave.

They just left yesterday, so this started 2 weeks ago.
He travels a lot for his job & we knew he was going to be out of town most of the following week. When they left we took advantage of our time.
I had noticed a small red spot above my pubic area but didn't say anything because it wasn't really painful & I've had ingrown hairs, etc before.
He left on Tues morning & I noticed in the shower that my 'spot' had become a sore. It got worse instead of better while he was gone & I began feeling like I had other sores in my genital area.
When he came back on Thurs night, we made love. I wasn't hurting at the time & hadn't SEEN anything other than the original spot/sore, which I thought wasn't getting better because of where it was & the fact I can't leave things alone.
Fri I started feeling like I was getting a UTI. I told him about it Sat before he left for a 2nd shift job & also that I was becoming concerned that maybe my 'spot' was something more serious.
He had thought he was getting a cold sore the week prior to being out of town. I asked him if he could remember if he had it the last time he gave me oral.
We both assumed I was jumping at shadows.
Somehow the talk turned to exes & I said his probably had something Clorox wouldn't wash off. I meant it as a joke & in regards more to her personality than anything. But I don't think he took it that way. He shot back at me, "What about XX" the person I had been with between my ex & him. He hates this guy. Period.

I had been feeling like I had other sores so I decided to go ahead & visit a doctor on Sat. They did a urine culture & a swab of the original spot/sore.
I know it's ridiculous, but I didn't tell my husband or the doctor about my suspicions there were other sores.
The doctor put me on Acyclovir & an antibiotic because she wasn't able to get a definite on either test. She said she didn't think I had anything other than a slightly elevated white count, but she would be pro-active. She also said my husband could take the Acyclovir.

We've both been taking it about a week. Me 3x daily, him usually at least once daily. I feel like 90% of my sores are gone, but I'm going to keep taking it until I'm sure.
We've also continued to make love.

Yesterday, I finally heard back from the doctor. Urine was clear, but the sore was herpes.

Between the kids & a friend we have who was here most of the day, we didn't really get a chance to talk.
He told me he doesn't know what to think or do. He's very much a man of action, who likes to have a plan, the idea that he can't control or cure this bothers him.
I feel like he thinks I brought this on me/us. I don't want to lay the blame on him, but I've never had anything like this before, & I don't really believe his idea that it could have been dormant.

Once he makes his mind up & speaks, he usually doesn't bring it up again. He says nothing's changed between us. He still loves me & we'll deal with it.
I just don't know what to do or how to do it. Do I just let it go too?
What I'm scared of is that he thinks it came from this other guy & thing will change between us.View Thread

Posted byAnon_81364

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Advice Appreciated I'm not sure how to explain everything or even what I really want to ask, but I'll try. My husband & I...

looking for advice-minor roadblock in an otherwise...

I have been dating my bf for about a year, and intimate since April. Our sex life has been wonderful...

Posted by Anon_15713

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:looking for advice-minor roadblock in an otherwise healthy relationship I have been dating my bf for about a year, and intimate since April. Our sex life has been wonderful...

Guidance please

I have been divorced since July. I am over my ex-husband. I have moved on and am in love with another man that...

Posted by Wantha17

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Guidance please I have been divorced since July. I am over my ex-husband. I have moved on and am in love with another man that...

Keylogging

I'm about 99% sure my husband put a keylogger on my PC. I had once seen remnants of an installation many...

Posted by itssofluffy

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Keylogging I'm about 99% sure my husband put a keylogger on my PC. I had once seen remnants of an installation many...

Torn thinking about divorce

I have been married for 8 years and now have 2 children. My husband has been angry, overly reactive,...

Posted by An_248186

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Torn thinking about divorce I have been married for 8 years and now have 2 children. My husband has been angry, overly reactive,...

Torn thinking about divorce

I have been married for 8 years and now have 2 children. My husband has been angry, overly reactive,...

Posted by An_248186

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Torn thinking about divorce I have been married for 8 years and now have 2 children. My husband has been angry, overly reactive,...

one affair follows another

Hi: I am seeking answers regarding how to rebuild a marriage after an affair. I had an affair with a coworker...

Posted by flodis

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:one affair follows another Hi: I am seeking answers regarding how to rebuild a marriage after an affair. I had an affair with a coworker...

Been 2 years since emotional affair and husband st...

I need help my husband and I have been together for 14years and married 12, he travels for a living and was...

Posted by An_248156

I need help my husband and I have been together for 14years and married 12, he travels for a living and was an alcoholic however he did drink hardly ever at all in the begining for over a year so i thought it was uunder control, married him and it went bananas. Fast forward 10 years 2 kids later, i was so tired of being lonely and ignored or if he was paying attention to me it was after drinking so i just felt like i was disgusting if and he couldnt touch me without beer, i had spent 3 or 4 years at this point begging him to stop and telling him point blank it was gonna cost him his wife and kids sooner or later I could only take so much, i got into an emotional affair with a co worker....in 2010 in december 2010 my husband found out about it, and was devastated. Now his side is he has always believe I was not "in" 100% and he always thought i was cheating he said something inside him just kept saying that i was. Well in 2009 someone i worked with wanted me to divorce him but it was not an affair and i did not have the same feelings back, the affair in 2010 I also was not in love with that person I was in love with the idea of someone liking me and wanting me and loving me and giving me what i needed pretty much no matter what the cost. Which I know now was very selfish. We only saw each other at work, and would go to the car sometimes for lunch for 30mins or to 7-11 during 10 min break, so in the car was the only time out of work we ever saw each other, WE NEVER HAD INTERCOURE, we never saw each other naked even. It was a whole lot of cuddling making out, blowjob cause thats what he wanted and i hated it and chest playing. When it came out in dec 2010 my husband quit drinking that day and for the most part still has, he only does it when he is out of town on his time, and still respects me about it. We have done really well and come very far in changing into better people and learning from our mistakes, but he says he penis just doesnt work period, other then very short kisses and hugs we have no sexual contact, infact, we dont change in front of each other or anything like that. He said the hurt I caused has made him damaged goods for life probably. I can't imagine at 40 having no sex drive ever again, he has said several times if i am pushing him into having sex with me, I will lose the battle. I have tried and tried and tried to explain to him that its actually not about the actual act of sex, it more of a concern that I am the only one that seems to care we are coming up on 2 years and i am the only one that has ever brought it up and has voiced concern....after all being so lonely is what me where i was to begin with so now im even lonier? I dont understand....I respect that this is his feelings and that it just "doesnt work anymore" but really i need help understanding how at 40, im supposed to stay married and never make love again maybe. Ive even said there is so much other sexual activity other then actual sex and maybe even baby steps forward but no. I love him with all my heart and know him half my life, and have always loved him, it was just about the attention and a feeling for me, the affair was not real and he refuses to believe that and says every text message is true and does not believe that i would say or do what i had to, in order to get the attention i wanted.. I never went back to work there for even 1 more day after that day, never have seen or spoke to a single person from there again , walked away from 2 very good friends(girls) that i am still very upset about. Have stayed home to prove my love, sold my car cause he hated it, have not had one slip up of calling a guy, seeing a guy, one single lie nothin,.he on the other hand has had some drinking episoed on the road which lead me into giving in finally that he drink on the road with respect,no concern of my 10 years of hurt from it basically he quit so that chapter is closed...how long would you wait for your husband to make love to you agaiView Thread

Posted byAn_248156

Take the Poll

How long would you wait for him to touch you again?

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Been 2 years since emotional affair and husband still wont touch me....HELP I need help my husband and I have been together for 14years and married 12, he travels for a living and was...

I'm in need of desperate help please.

Married for over 25yrs with 4 daughters. We've had our ups & downs but lately it's more down &...

Posted by 4mygrls

Married for over 25yrs with 4 daughters. We've had our ups & downs but lately it's more down & unbearable at times. I need to give a little background info about myself that I feel is very important. I suffer from some mental disorders/diseases. They are: Bipolar nos, ocd, severe anxiety/panic disorder & ptsd. I take several meds for these conditions. I have always had a severe issue with depression & have been suicidal at times in my life. My marriage is falling apart & I don't know what to do to save it or if I should continue to try to save it? The past few years has changed everything in my family's lives. My husband was forced to medically retire from his career. He also began the struggle of fighting for VA Disabiltiy. He was denied that. All the years of sacrificing & working so hard to ensure security for our family and our retirement was suddenly gone. My marriage definatly took a hit. My husband has become someone I don't know anymore, especially lately. I understand that he is in alot of physical pain & is has to take pain pills to help cope with the pain but ever since he started taking the pain meds, his personality slowly began to change. Recently, his personality has drastically changed to the point where I can't talk with him without it turning into a major fight. Our relationship has suffered greatly. We don't have a healthy sexual relationship. We don't have sex at all. I don't want to have sex with him. I don't feel intimate with him anymore. It's more like we are friends. Though lately I can't say that i like him very much alot of the times due to his emotional abusive treatment towards me. We just went through the worst week ever in our entire marriage. The fighting was horrible. He treated me in a way that I never thought he was capable of doing to me. He has become so emotionally abusive to me.So much so that it triggered me into a severe depression where i wanted to end my life. He went to a counceling appt & somehow finally woke up & realized that he was taking out all of his anger towards the government on me. He was incredibly cruel. He convinced me that I was worthless & the family would be better off without me in their lives. After he realized what he was doing, we were able to talk rationally. But that opened up a whole other can of worms. I told him that we were too co-dependant on eachother & we had to work on changing that. He told me that has changed with him. He said he was no longer co-dependant on me. He has always told me that if something happened to me or we divorced, he would never remarry or be in a relationship with another woman because I was the only woman he ever loved or could ever love. But that has changed now. Now he says he can move on without me. He says that he wants a healthy sex life & is not getting it from me. I try to tell him that with all the stress & depression i'm going through, having sex is not on my mind. I'm too stressed out, too exhaused & too depressed to want to have sex. I told him that we need to work on our relationship first & sex will come naturally. I feel like he's always presuring me to have sex but i won't & he gets very mad that I wont. It's like all he talks about is sex. We started talking again but as soon as I disagree with something he says, he blows up or he twists the subject to make me look bad and him good. It's driving me insane. I can't take this being happy for a half day then huge fight situation going on everyday. We have 4 children. 2 are ages 12 & 14. They don't deserve this. Part of me wants to take the girls and walk away but i'm stuck here for financial reasons. I have no way of supporting myself. His answer has been for him to sleep in the camper. We faught last nt & he was going to the camper. I told him that if what he wanted was to be seperate from me & if he slept in the camper then i would take that as him wanting a divorce. I can't take this rollercoaster anymore. I don't know what to do? I want this to end.View Thread

Posted by 4mygrls

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I'm in need of desperate help please. Married for over 25yrs with 4 daughters. We've had our ups & downs but lately it's more down &...

Need advice

I need some advice. I have been married for 8 mths to a man i dated off an on for 14 years, well more off...

Posted by Brascon01

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Need advice I need some advice. I have been married for 8 mths to a man i dated off an on for 14 years, well more off...

IM NOT CHEATING

I DNT UNDERSTAND WHY MY BOYFRIEND KEEPS THINKIN IM CHEATING .IM A FULL TIME NURSES AID I HAVE A 3YR OLD ALL I...

Posted by An_247925

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:IM NOT CHEATING I DNT UNDERSTAND WHY MY BOYFRIEND KEEPS THINKIN IM CHEATING .IM A FULL TIME NURSES AID I HAVE A 3YR OLD ALL I...

LOOKING FOR LOVE.....

WELL MY HUSBAND GOT KILLED LAST YEAR OUR SON IS 3 YRS OLD ... IM JUST SO LONELY ... I BEEN ON DATES BUT I...

Posted by An_247925

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:LOOKING FOR LOVE..... WELL MY HUSBAND GOT KILLED LAST YEAR OUR SON IS 3 YRS OLD ... IM JUST SO LONELY ... I BEEN ON DATES BUT I...

That time of year again...

It's the kids' dad's birthday tomorrow. I'm crying my eyes out once agaiin. Tomorrow night is also parent's...

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Posted by tmlmtlrl

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:That time of year again... It's the kids' dad's birthday tomorrow. I'm crying my eyes out once agaiin. Tomorrow night is also parent's...

i don't know where to start

new here, i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its...

Posted by threeboysandahusband

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:i don't know where to start new here, i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its...

Just need to vent

To get right to it, the only things DH does around here are mow the lawn and do his own laundry. I'm not...

Posted by Stacey2005

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Just need to vent To get right to it, the only things DH does around here are mow the lawn and do his own laundry. I'm not...

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