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I think I'm looking for encouraging words. I really appreciate all of you and hope you're out there reading this.
For those who don't know: my children's dad died in a car accident while I was pregnant with our second. 8yrs ago now. He died 2wks after his birthday (25 y/o). My dear husband now, his birthday is the day after their dad's birthday. It's just a lot of emotions for me to process all at once maybe.View Thread
i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its really skrwed up, thinking its not fixable, my husband beat me about three years ( i was cheating ) he didn't know at the time he beat me. after being separated for three months, we got back together. worked things out and i got pregnant with my third son. now my youngest is 2 and i want out, or do i ? i do beacuse i can't stand my husband. he is selfish,has anger issues,and is not effectionet at all!!!! i am a very sexual person. i try to talk to him but he is very angery at anything i say. ( that may be an issue in our relationship )about three weeks ago i cheated on him with the same person i was with before. he found out. he was angery but said he understood and thought it was kinda hot, that i went out and found what i needed. THATS SICK !!!! IN MY BOOK. now what i have three boys age 2,4,6View Thread
I'm not sure what i should do, i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks.View Thread
The last week or so has been crappy for me, but I'll take it with a grain of salt. My summer was wonderful though. Not too much time with DH because of the whole drought thing and him chasing irrigation, but he did manage to spend time with us.
I love the sunshine and heat although there were actually days that got too hot for even me! But I'll take it.
I made a few cakes this summer. I wish I had more to do because it makes me happy. I've decided to make some for the heck of it.
We spent some days at the beach too. I had my bff's son come stay with me for two weeks. Then at the end of August I went to TN to visit her and help her welcome her first grandbaby into the world. I'm only 35 and can already say I changed someone's diaper and now changed their baby's diaper!! Such is life.
I know their are a few people who suffered devastating life moments this summer and my heart aches for them. I keep them in my prayers.
How was your summer? Any vacations? Did the drought have a big or noticeable effect on you? Did everyone stay cool during the triple digits?
Ironically my bff in TN was telling me almost every day it was raining there!View Thread
. So here it goes... my husband was cheating on me for 2 years before i found out and when i did i immediately moved out the next day i was gone all my stuff moved out, i was already in the process of talking to a divorce lawyer the very next day. I cut of contact as much as i could with him so i wouldnt fall into his lies of why he did what he did and how much he loved me and wanted to work things out. We have kids together so i made it a point to have my mom drop them off at his house and pick them up. I did all that i could to avoid him so i can move on and get over the hurt and pain. All my efforts failed because in less than four months we were back together but it just didnt work out he decided to end it and the very next day start talking to the same girl he cheated on me with. After he was done with her less than a month after telling me he didnt want to be together he decided he couldnt do that anymore he wanted his family and his wife. So here we are again trying to patch this broken marriage up. I have so much stress and anxiety, i love him to death. I have waited on him hand and foot, through all his faults and his mistakes, through all his deployments and put my all into my marriage. My husband is now trying he really is and i see that, he has cut all ties with the other girl. He finally is starting to be a family man and a father, he stopped drinking smoking and going out and this has been for six months straight. He tries to please me and does his best to but i still feel like this isnt enough, i dont trust him. I always accuse him of cheating i go through his phone records, check his emails. If i find something out of place or not right i confront him about it. He is fed up with my psychotic behavior as he calls it. He says i need to trust him or he is leaving. My question is how do i trust again how can i forget what has been done to me and move on. I have tried so hard to do this and i dont know where to begin to regain my life back. I am always worried he will cheat on me...What is the first step or any ideas on how to handle this. I need to start living my life but dont know how because im always concerned about what he is doing. Please helpView Thread
We have three kids, age 20, 18, 16, and have been doing foster care for the last few years. We've had indefinite placements (both teenage girls) as well as a number of teens who have been in our home shorter term. We have had a 16-yo girl since March. (We had another teenage girl long term before that.)
Anyway, we took our daughter (the middle child) to college for the first time a few weeks ago. When we returned home, our foster girl ran away. She was eventually found (several days later, 50 miles from here), but was moved to a different foster home.
So we went from having two teenage girls in the household for the last several years, to suddenly having none. As you can imagine, the level of day-to-day chaos, drama, and stress in our home has dropped drastically.
Now it is just my wife and I and our youngest son. It is so much easier to spend husband/wife time. And it is so much easier to be nice to each other with the overall stress level so significantly reduced. Parenting multiple teens is like being in a war zone, often. And niceties can be one of the casualties.
We've had some very productive discussions. One thing I've learned is that a lot of what I assume to be passive-aggressive behavior on my wife's part may in fact be simple thoughtlessness. (Thoughtless behavior, of course, is not ideal, but it's less of a problem than passive-aggressive power plays.) And I think she has learned just how damaging her thoughtlessness can be sometimes.
We've been genuinely enjoying each other's company, and things have even perked up some in the bedroom. I'm cautiously feeling like the light at the end of the tunnel is visible, in terms of the things that have been dragging our marriage down in recent years.View Thread
I'm new here, but I'm not new to cheating. Every relationship I have ever been in has been an unfaithful one, and I'm starting to wonder if the idea that 'The problem must lie with me' holds true in my situation.
I don't even know where to start. I love my boyfriend, very much. He cheated on me, but in an unusual sort of way. He didn't go out with another woman, or physically have sex with another woman. He had phone sex with a girl he met on the internet. Maybe to some people this doesn't seem nearly as bad. I even think that if it hadn't been me, and I was the one hearing it third person, I probably would think 'It could be worse!', but I have to admit it hurts just as bad.
We've been struggling for some time, with our sexual relationship. We haven't had sex in 3 months, and not because I haven't wanted it. You should know, before I go on, that I am a foreigner living in China. My boyfriend is Chinese, and the culture differences are major. We broke up around 4 months ago, and then got back together about 3 months ago.. We have not had sex since we came back together. He says he is afraid I will get pregnant, and if you knew the Chinese culture you'd understand that is a pretty valid fear. But it does not excuse his behavior..
The point is. I caught him in the act, and of course I confronted him. He apologized, but I asked him to leave anyway. I've been cheated on in every relationship, and one thing I've learned it not to put up with it. But this relationship is different for me, I've never wanted to be with someone this much in the past. When men in the past have cheated, I've not blinked an eye at asking them to pack their things and get out. With him, I lost it. I slapped him across the face. I am never a violent person, but I felt so hurt that I wanted him to feel my pain. It's not a good excuse, as resorting to violence never is. After that we continued arguing more, and finally I decided I could not let him go. We had to work things out. We talked, and made promises, both of us to each other. For him not to have online relationships, as well as real physical relationships of course. And my promise was not to resort to violence ever again.
But now I feel like he thinks my wrong doing was more than his. I feel like he is trying to make me feel guilty, and holding my mistake over my head as a way to make his mistake seem less damaging.
I am just lost, and don't know what to do. In the past I've just thrown them to the curb, picked up my pieces and slowly moved on. This time I feel like my chest is being ripped apart, and pulled on from every side. Part of me feels like I should be the more guilty one, and the other part of me just keeps screaming to hold on to the strength I have ALWAYS possessed.
I need some serious advice.
Sorry for the lengthy explanation.View Thread
I feel like the relationship we were both in, we had like the same goals in regaurds to marriage and family. I want to start a family and get married. I just no longer feel like it will happen.. Ive had jealousy towards my friends who are engaged and are having a life..
I dont want to lose my best friend but at the same time i dont want to feel like im being taken for a ride.. exuse the pun. I know he means well but i just know how to handle all these emotions.. please help..View Thread
I feel that If I'm able to meet all my needs myself then this will show a man that I will be with him because I want to be with him in a sincere way and not for convinience. My thought about being in a relationship is for the mere expereince of sharing my life with someone not to have his economic support or protection. Is this the wrong way to think?
I come up with this question because recently I have read a book that says that men feel love differently and that they just want to be with a woman who needs them to profess, provide and protect. I will like to hear opinions from MEN in this discussion board if possible.
I will like to know if I'm wrong in my thinking, if men do not really value women independence.
Thanks in advance for your feed back.View Thread
Some of the things she said lead me to believe that she has a dangerously negative image of me. She took one of the most unequivocally positive and unselfish things that I do for our family and twisted it into a negative. I don't think it's possible to do that if you have a positive general image of your spouse. (Longtime readers here know that there have been plenty of other signs of this in the past.)
We literally had no chance to talk last night (Monday night). Here's my concern: we are taking our daughter off to college (for the first time) on Thursday, so our family life is fairly consumed by that right now. We'll be staying with old friends on the way there Thursday night, then driving home Friday night (our younger son will be with us.)
So, I'm hesitant to press the issue any further with my wife right now, when it's all really about my daughter for the next few days. I'm thinking we could let these days revolve around her and continue to address our issues afterward.
But, OTOH, I hate "letting the sun set on my wrath" or otherwise letting issues stew for that long. I feel like my concerns will be easily derailed by "why did you wait so long to bring this up. I can't believe you're still stewing over that."
Thoughts?View Thread
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I guess Platinum is the 20 year gift. Any ideas? I will swing by the jewelry store monday and see what they have.View Thread
Long story shortened, I told my fiance the following morning and drove to him the evening after that to talk. He is a little angry. Mostly because he and I had been texting about how much we loved eachother that night. He kept checking in on me as he was leery about A coming over. Also, our relationship started when I cheated on my ex with him. This situation is vastly different, however, because I already was in the beginning stages of love with my fiance when things happened. He said he forgave me, but recently took his forgiveness back. He needs more time. I guess I was just wondering what I should do to help him learn to trust and forgive me. He still loves me, still wants to marry me, still wants to be with me, and honestly has taken things quite well. I just want to know how to help him feel better. I will feel guilt forever, I know. That's a part of who I am. I just don't want to push him away by trying too hard to make him trust me again. For now I just tell him I love him a lot and am not drinking in "mixed company" when he is not around as per his request ( which I think is totally fair). But is there more I could do?View Thread
My wife almost visibly bristles when I touch her in a husband/wife sort of way (I don't mean sexually--I mean like touching her leg when we're on the couch, etc...)
Last Friday night, we found ourselves in the rare situation of being home alone for a couple hours. We had squabbled that morning over something. I asked if she wanted to eat the ice cream I had bought that day. She says "before or after we have sex?" (That's her version of romance.) I was tempted to say no, but I never actually do. So we had the most perfunctory sex ever. Ugh.
This morning, she left for work without saying goodbye. It just feels like she's (barely) going through the motions. I texted her asking what was up with her leaving without saying goodbye. "I got distracted. Sorry."View Thread
Basically what I want is for him to change it up a bit. I want him to WANT to impress me. But he is so wrapped up in his own world, he makes me feel like I'm nagging and that I just want to fuss.
Can someone give me a little advice? I'm really tired of being the creative and romantic one in the relationship.View Thread
Saturday she had invited her brother and sister and their spouses to go boating with us. The brothers sister couldn't make it. So the five of us went out and had a great time. Was like a bunch of kids out playing on the water. The three siblings all talked about how horrible their childhood was, which it was pretty bad. And they all drank quite a bit. The two sisters did the most drinking though.
By the time everyone left the house around 7:30 pm my wife was toasted. She went to take a shower and then straight to bed. Never ate dinner or anything. I spent the evening alone on the couch watching TV.
And then today I came to work to get in 16 hours of overtime.View Thread

Alright to start out I do realize I don't have any place to be complaining. I just am so frustrated right now that I need to let it out and I'm not comfortable saying it to anyone else.
I have an extremely high libido. When I get sexually frustrated I have a hard time focusing, getting things done, and I get very agitated. Well I'm there. I feel bad complaining at all. The reason my DH hasn't been horny is he's currently working 7am to anywhere between 11pm - 2am. He's tired. He also is fine with it if I take charge and have my way with him. I've done that. I just get to a point where I can't grasp that he doesn't want me ( that's how I feel ). I need that part of the equation. I NEED to be desired and it's driving me crazy that I'm not getting that.
I have talked with him about this. He knows how I feel. He knows how much sex changes my day. It actually angers me sometimes to know how much control sex has in my life. I know that right now I would be full of energy and getting things done it we had had sex. Ugh.
I feel like a whiny little brat right now. I have so much good in my life. This desire for my DH to want me just has me all frazzled at the moment so please don't be angry or tell me to suck it up. I know I have to suck it up. I don't think there's much for anyone to say, I just needed to talk about it for a minute to help get it off my mind so I don't eat everything in my house today!!View Thread
My wife and I both encourage him, because he needs to get out more this summer, and for the other obvious reason--we'd have the house to ourselves for a couple hours on Friday night if he went.
Well, he didn't go, and it turns out that what I thought was obvious wasn't so obvious. I mentioned to her that our older son had been better at reading clues at that age--he would have actually caught on that going would have left us alone and been likely to have gone for that reason. She says, "Oh, I didn't even think about that. It wasn't even on my radar."
That's certainly what every man wants to hear from his wife. It's not just a sex thing: I swear any kind of romance or husband/wife companionship just isn't on her radar. Ever. She actually mentioned something about the possibility of sex tonight when we were getting dressed this morning, but for her, sex is just a quickie at bed time that you get over with. The actual romance part is, well, not on her radar.
We went away for the weekend a few weeks ago, for our 25th anniversary. (This is something we've probably done 3 times in 25 years, so kindof a big deal.) She chuckles as we're unpacking in the room, "Oh, I guess I forgot to bring anything sexy to wear. Sorry."
I know it seems like a very small thing, but who packs for a (very rare) weekend away with their spouse for their anniversary and it doesn't occur to them that they might want to be prepared for romance and sex? (And she knows that I love it when she wears lingerie, which she very rarely does.)
We took separate vacations last week (I went backpacking with two of the kids, and she doesn't backpack)--we all got home Sunday. It's been a busy work week for us both, so we've really spent very little quality time together in the last two weeks. Something that does not seem to concern her at all.
In a lot of ways we are doing much, much better. We're pretty-much on the same page as far as parenting, and she's not undermining me the way she had been. But I swear I don't have a romantic partner. I have a roommate who occasionally "allows" me to use her vagina instead of my hand. That's very frustrating.View Thread
So, today is my birthday. I'm old enough that it's not a huge deal, just turning 24. My plans for the day were to work for a few hours, go out to lunch with my parents, see a movie, then go dancing with my friends. My parents somewhat insisted upon us going out for lunch. I currently have braces and feel really self conscious about eating in public and told them both that. They were basically dismissive and insisted. Every time I've seen them for the past two weeks, they've been talking about how excited they are to eat at the Italian place we were going to go to.
The day before yesterday, my Mom texted me to say she wasn't feeling well and to ask if I or if M (my boyfriend) had some weed for her to borrow. I said No, because we didn't as we're both in the process of quitting. Yesterday, my Dad called my cell phone at work (a big no-no that he knows I hate) to ask for my pot dealer's number. I was annoyed with both of these things, but only mildly.
This sh**'s so predictable, right? My Mom texted me a Happy Birthday, and I asked if we were still hanging out this afternoon. Didn't even ask about lunch, but just if I'd be seeing them. She said she hasn't been feeling well all week and she doesn't want to get me sick. I said I was ok with that. She then texts me that she's at work right now, and because she knows the plan of my day knows by the time she's out, I'll be at the movie. Oh, and dancing tonight? Yeah, neither she nor my Dad can go.
I'm incredibly hurt. I've been going to therapy and taking an anti-depressant and in general, have just been trying to get past my whole life up 'til now, really. I'm trying to make a reasonably clean slate of mental health, and then something like this happens and I feel like garbage. Why insist that we have plans? Why not want to see your only daughter on her birthday? Why just use me as a middleman? I'm just really disappointed because I've been feeling especially close with them lately, and they honestly can't be bothered to do anything for me. I took the time off from work to see them, and now they're at work? Obviously they didn't intend to see me at all...so why not just let me know, I don't know, the day before?
I feel like I'm never going to have a functional relationship with them. My Dad makes fun of my braces, and my Mom won't even comment on them except to say that my care of them is "excessive". They only want to see me when it's convenient for them, and they have no qualms about blowing me off with no notice, but if I have to work when they want to see me, it's a huge issue. They're just never there for me, there's no consistency, and I feel like I can't say anything to them about it. They twist things so that I'm in the wrong or that they're not accountable.
Am I being stupid? I hate the thought that something so relatively minor might have huge reprecussions in my relationship with them, but like, really? On my birthday, no notice, after they knew I was inconveniencing myself for this lunch? I just don't see why I bother attempting to be close to them, because a lot of their love for me is really conditional. If my Dad's in a bad mood, I look chubby. If he's in a good mood, I could be a model. Know what I mean? How can I try to have a decent relationship with two people who change every three seconds and don't bother to make time for me?
Sigh. Thanks for reading. I just need some insight as to whether I'm overreacting, and how I should proceed with them. Thanks in advance.View Thread
I know in a lot of ways things are as good as they were if not better, but whenever anything comes up in our relationship that is outside of the "norm" my immediate response, whether I express it to him or keep it to myself is suspicion. For example, he just told me that he is part of a special detail for his job this weekend that will change his schedule from 7am-7pm all three days to 10am-2am on Friday, 2pm-2am on Saturday, and 11am-7pm on Sunday.
In my rational mind that understands his job and looks at the past year of our recovery and the fact that he has given me no reason not to trust him in our journey back from what happened, I believe him. But my instant reaction before I can "reason" with myself, is asking a million questions in my mind about if this is really a ploy to be out late and not make me wonder, if he is being honest, and who he will be with while he is out at these different hours.
I guess my questions are whether this is a normal reaction and if anyone knows how long it will go on? Like I said, we are coming up on a year's time since we started diligently working to repai our marriage and a little over a year and a half since the emotional affair he was having began tearing our lives apart. Thanks so much for your input.View Thread
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