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Couples Coping Support Group

If you need a place to discuss, get feedback, or some advise on relationship, ... more

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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.

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That time of year again...

It's the kids' dad's birthday tomorrow. I'm crying my eyes out once agaiin. Tomorrow night is also parent's...

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Posted by tmlmtlrl

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:That time of year again... It's the kids' dad's birthday tomorrow. I'm crying my eyes out once agaiin. Tomorrow night is also parent's...

i don't know where to start

new here, i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its...

Posted by threeboysandahusband

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:i don't know where to start new here, i am going to go to counsling with my husdand to try and work on our marriage, its...

Just need to vent

To get right to it, the only things DH does around here are mow the lawn and do his own laundry. I'm not...

Posted by Stacey2005

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Just need to vent To get right to it, the only things DH does around here are mow the lawn and do his own laundry. I'm not...

How was everyone's summer?

This board has slowed down quite a bit. There are a few people that haven't posted in some time now and I hope...

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Posted by tmlmtlrl

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How was everyone's summer? This board has slowed down quite a bit. There are a few people that haven't posted in some time now and I hope...

Cheating husband

Hello i am new to this group and if it came to the point of getting on the internet and finding a group...

Posted by An_247708

Hello i am new to this group and if it came to the point of getting on the internet and finding a group discussion website to vent then you know its pretty bad

. So here it goes... my husband was cheating on me for 2 years before i found out and when i did i immediately moved out the next day i was gone all my stuff moved out, i was already in the process of talking to a divorce lawyer the very next day. I cut of contact as much as i could with him so i wouldnt fall into his lies of why he did what he did and how much he loved me and wanted to work things out. We have kids together so i made it a point to have my mom drop them off at his house and pick them up. I did all that i could to avoid him so i can move on and get over the hurt and pain. All my efforts failed because in less than four months we were back together but it just didnt work out he decided to end it and the very next day start talking to the same girl he cheated on me with. After he was done with her less than a month after telling me he didnt want to be together he decided he couldnt do that anymore he wanted his family and his wife. So here we are again trying to patch this broken marriage up. I have so much stress and anxiety, i love him to death. I have waited on him hand and foot, through all his faults and his mistakes, through all his deployments and put my all into my marriage. My husband is now trying he really is and i see that, he has cut all ties with the other girl. He finally is starting to be a family man and a father, he stopped drinking smoking and going out and this has been for six months straight. He tries to please me and does his best to but i still feel like this isnt enough, i dont trust him. I always accuse him of cheating i go through his phone records, check his emails. If i find something out of place or not right i confront him about it. He is fed up with my psychotic behavior as he calls it. He says i need to trust him or he is leaving. My question is how do i trust again how can i forget what has been done to me and move on. I have tried so hard to do this and i dont know where to begin to regain my life back. I am always worried he will cheat on me...What is the first step or any ideas on how to handle this. I need to start living my life but dont know how because im always concerned about what he is doing. Please helpView Thread

Posted byAn_247708

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Cheating husband Hello i am new to this group and if it came to the point of getting on the internet and finding a group...

in-laws

I recently got married and I cannot get along with my FIL. I try to be nice and it ALWAYS turns out badly. Its...

Posted by zozo12

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:in-laws I recently got married and I cannot get along with my FIL. I try to be nice and it ALWAYS turns out badly. Its...

Is it ED or has he lost desire for me?

How can a someone tell if their partner has lost desire for them or is suffering from ED? A little background...

Posted by An_247590

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Is it ED or has he lost desire for me? How can a someone tell if their partner has lost desire for them or is suffering from ED? A little background...

Update

Our lives have changed quite a bit over the last few weeks. We have three kids, age 20, 18, 16, and have been...

Posted by queston

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Update Our lives have changed quite a bit over the last few weeks. We have three kids, age 20, 18, 16, and have been...

Just need some supporting words

This is going to be a long post, so bare with me. I'm new here, but I'm not new to cheating. Every...

Posted by Amber_Nichole

This is going to be a long post, so bare with me.

I'm new here, but I'm not new to cheating. Every relationship I have ever been in has been an unfaithful one, and I'm starting to wonder if the idea that 'The problem must lie with me' holds true in my situation.

I don't even know where to start. I love my boyfriend, very much. He cheated on me, but in an unusual sort of way. He didn't go out with another woman, or physically have sex with another woman. He had phone sex with a girl he met on the internet. Maybe to some people this doesn't seem nearly as bad. I even think that if it hadn't been me, and I was the one hearing it third person, I probably would think 'It could be worse!', but I have to admit it hurts just as bad.

We've been struggling for some time, with our sexual relationship. We haven't had sex in 3 months, and not because I haven't wanted it. You should know, before I go on, that I am a foreigner living in China. My boyfriend is Chinese, and the culture differences are major. We broke up around 4 months ago, and then got back together about 3 months ago.. We have not had sex since we came back together. He says he is afraid I will get pregnant, and if you knew the Chinese culture you'd understand that is a pretty valid fear. But it does not excuse his behavior..

The point is. I caught him in the act, and of course I confronted him. He apologized, but I asked him to leave anyway. I've been cheated on in every relationship, and one thing I've learned it not to put up with it. But this relationship is different for me, I've never wanted to be with someone this much in the past. When men in the past have cheated, I've not blinked an eye at asking them to pack their things and get out. With him, I lost it. I slapped him across the face. I am never a violent person, but I felt so hurt that I wanted him to feel my pain. It's not a good excuse, as resorting to violence never is. After that we continued arguing more, and finally I decided I could not let him go. We had to work things out. We talked, and made promises, both of us to each other. For him not to have online relationships, as well as real physical relationships of course. And my promise was not to resort to violence ever again.

But now I feel like he thinks my wrong doing was more than his. I feel like he is trying to make me feel guilty, and holding my mistake over my head as a way to make his mistake seem less damaging.

I am just lost, and don't know what to do. In the past I've just thrown them to the curb, picked up my pieces and slowly moved on. This time I feel like my chest is being ripped apart, and pulled on from every side. Part of me feels like I should be the more guilty one, and the other part of me just keeps screaming to hold on to the strength I have ALWAYS possessed.

I need some serious advice.

Sorry for the lengthy explanation.View Thread

Posted by Amber_Nichole

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Just need some supporting words This is going to be a long post, so bare with me. I'm new here, but I'm not new to cheating. Every...

Intimacy is gone for now

We recently within 3 months had a miscarriage, and since then his sex drive is low. We talked, and he tells...

Posted by An_247476

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Intimacy is gone for now We recently within 3 months had a miscarriage, and since then his sex drive is low. We talked, and he tells...

When is it enough time to actually start life...?

My name is Victoria I am 19 years old and i fear i suffer from a starting stage of depression. Lately...

Posted by Blinkybeaker93

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:When is it enough time to actually start life...? My name is Victoria I am 19 years old and i fear i suffer from a starting stage of depression. Lately...

What's the real way love MEN

All my life I have been attempting to become a woman who doesn't need a man but wants to be with one. I feel...

Posted by green3121

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:What's the real way love MEN All my life I have been attempting to become a woman who doesn't need a man but wants to be with one. I feel...

OK to delay an important marital conversation?

I had an argument with my wife this weekend. That in and of itself is not a terribly big deal. Husbands and...

Posted by queston

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:OK to delay an important marital conversation? I had an argument with my wife this weekend. That in and of itself is not a terribly big deal. Husbands and...

Lack of interest

At 63, I find myself celebrate. I've been married for 16 years and once my wife went through menopause, it seems...

Posted by G8R26

Take the Poll

Why?#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; }

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Lack of interest At 63, I find myself celebrate. I've been married for 16 years and once my wife went through menopause, it seems...

Twenty year anniversary

Well in a few days we will have been married 20 years. I would like to get her something special in...

Posted by GuardSquealer

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Twenty year anniversary Well in a few days we will have been married 20 years. I would like to get her something special in...

Another husband vent.

Well I was going to vent my sexual frustrations with my wife. Sometimes they seem alot like questons with...

Posted by GuardSquealer

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Another husband vent. Well I was going to vent my sexual frustrations with my wife. Sometimes they seem alot like questons with...

Is my marriage over or do you think I am still in?...

I am in early 40s and married. We got 3 boys 6,14 and 15. about 5 and half years ago I got a job offer abroad...

Posted by Ferry_j

I am in early 40s and married. We got 3 boys 6,14 and 15. about 5 and half years ago I got a job offer abroad and moved with my 3 boys. My husband was suppose to join us in 3 months once he find out that we like our new place. Since then I have been writing him and calling begging him to join us. With the US economy going bad, the house market was not inviting to sell our house or rent it. But the least he could do was just rent it to join us. My husband is not a kind of person who would cheat on me or that sort. (as far as I know) very decent and quite guy. But takes his time to do anything and I believe a combination of all that. I had told my husband about my feeling to have sex and needs. With my International job that I have I get tempted to go out with people and had warned him that he is really risking his marriage. Most of the time, he doesn't even respond to my emails. As for my journey with my 3 boys abroad, It was after 3 years that I have decide to date someone who was very close to me who cared and loved me and my kids. I was careful for my kids to know him as a close friend but nothing more. After 5 years now my husband came to visit us. I have asked him several times that we need to sit and talk because I was not happy about my marriage. He doesn't like to discuss no communication he is just a wall. I managed to have a conversation about my status. Of-course, I had to admit the truth since he had a speculation too. The truth is he left me and my kids for the last 5 and half years. He doesn't support us except clothing for all of us. And that is once in 2 years or 3. Kids miss him soooo much and I do too. He packed and left us without good bye and send me text from the airport that he has left. 2 days before his son's birthday and 3 4 days before Christmas. It has been 8 months now. Do you think I am in a marriage or is it over??? Do I have to leave my job and come back home to see the possibilities or just forget him. One thing I consider is my kids and their feeling. As for me, I have had begged enough.. My kids want to come back to the US to finish high school. Should I move them with me to a different state or send them to their father and let me keep my job??? Please help...View Thread

Posted by Ferry_j

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Is my marriage over or do you think I am still in???? I am in early 40s and married. We got 3 boys 6,14 and 15. about 5 and half years ago I got a job offer abroad...

How to help my fiance

About two weeks ago, I did the thing I regret most in my life. I cheated on my fiance. It was just kissing. But...

Posted by kat5659

About two weeks ago, I did the thing I regret most in my life. I cheated on my fiance. It was just kissing. But a lot of intense kissing. I barely remember this, as I was heavily intoxicated. My fiance and I are living 2 hours apart currently, which is partially why I think it may have happened. The other "man" A is a co-worker, who I had always found physically attractive and "nice", but I didn't think he took our "work-flirt" relationship seriously. I know on some level I knew what I was doing; I was having a party when A started texting me, and I invited him over knowing that I found him attractive and that I was lonely. But, honestly I am not used to attention from the opposite sex so I didn't really think anything would come of it. And I certainly didn't want anything physical to come of it.
Long story shortened, I told my fiance the following morning and drove to him the evening after that to talk. He is a little angry. Mostly because he and I had been texting about how much we loved eachother that night. He kept checking in on me as he was leery about A coming over. Also, our relationship started when I cheated on my ex with him. This situation is vastly different, however, because I already was in the beginning stages of love with my fiance when things happened. He said he forgave me, but recently took his forgiveness back. He needs more time. I guess I was just wondering what I should do to help him learn to trust and forgive me. He still loves me, still wants to marry me, still wants to be with me, and honestly has taken things quite well. I just want to know how to help him feel better. I will feel guilt forever, I know. That's a part of who I am. I just don't want to push him away by trying too hard to make him trust me again. For now I just tell him I love him a lot and am not drinking in "mixed company" when he is not around as per his request ( which I think is totally fair). But is there more I could do?View Thread

Posted by kat5659

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How to help my fiance About two weeks ago, I did the thing I regret most in my life. I cheated on my fiance. It was just kissing. But...

Back there again...

After a couple nice days two weekends ago, we're back to that no-romance place again. My wife almost visibly...

Posted by queston

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Back there again... After a couple nice days two weekends ago, we're back to that no-romance place again. My wife almost visibly...

Husband sexual desire..

I am 34 now & have been married for like 16 yrs and dated my husband since sch days. I always tries to...

Posted by An_245516

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Husband sexual desire.. I am 34 now & have been married for like 16 yrs and dated my husband since sch days. I always tries to...

opinions on pornography and marriage

I would just like some input and oppinions from everyone on how you feel about porn and tell me if my...

Posted by skeeterman7708

I would just like some input and oppinions from everyone on how you feel about porn and tell me if my thoughts are justified or if i'm being a man in denial. I feel like my wife has a rather strong oppinion of porn and considers too many things to be porn. I feel like she's overreacting a lot and that I don't have a problem, along with a lot of others, who have been labeled as someone who has an "addiction" to porn. First, let me tell you all about myself. I've got an app on my phone called "the chive." The show lots of funny pictures that you can download and exchange via text or post to your facebook. A lot of the pictures are really positive, such as heart warming stories of soldiers and people battling deseases. But, there are some slides that show females in bikini's and other risky clothing. I do look at these pictures, but it's not like it's the first thing that I go to when i pull up the app and I can seriously go throughout the day and not be bothered if I didn't look at them. I also like Maxim, which shows girls posing. I look at them, but also really enjoy the stories. My wife is extremely oppinionated on this issue and makes comments that it's porn. I feel like she has a strong misconception of what porn really is. Am I wrong to feel this way? I've also developed another theory on porn, which i'm sure will get numerous positive and negative reactions. I don't think porn is an issue, unless it interferes with your marriange, your work, or your kids. I also feel like, the only reason why porn is an issue, is because it's considered a problem with the church community. I've been to church before and have listened to testimonies of people talking about their addiction to porn. I just feel like churches have made this problem worse than it actually is, along with women who no longer feel attractive. My wife, goes to church a lot and also feels unattractive. Before everyone jumps on that, I do try my hardest to compliment her and ensure to her that I still find her attractive. I guess, to make my post short, I feel like porn is only an issue because of churches and wives with no confidence. My reasoning behind this, is that I've seen and heard of so many couples where the husband or boyfriend tells me that their spouse doesn't view it as an issue. I even know some, whom their wives have bought them a subscription to Playboy. My brother and one of my best friends, both have recordings of HBO's show about the Bunny Ranch on their DVR, and they watch it with their spouse. My brother is the most normal person that I know, and I know he doesn't have an addiction. I think that people that are seriously addicted are the ones who have been fired for looking at it at work, or that would rather watch porn than make love to their spouse, or that can't go a day without looking at it. It just seems like everyone that I know that has been labeled a porn addict, is labeled by a church community or a spouse with no confidence. Sorry, if i'm rambling on. It just urks me when i'm looking at Maxim or "the chive," and my wife makes comments like, "oh, I know why you're looking at that." Should I be mad, or is her complaint justified?View Thread

Posted by skeeterman7708

29 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:opinions on pornography and marriage I would just like some input and oppinions from everyone on how you feel about porn and tell me if my...

Sex as a Hostage Negotiation

I'm at a frustrated standstill. My husband is satisfied with our current lackluster sexual routine but I'm...

Posted by An_246717

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Sex as a Hostage Negotiation I'm at a frustrated standstill. My husband is satisfied with our current lackluster sexual routine but I'm...

Still Drinking......

Well my wife still likes to drink a little too much. I have talked to her about it. And she doesn't think...

Posted by GuardSquealer

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Still Drinking...... Well my wife still likes to drink a little too much. I have talked to her about it. And she doesn't think...

Husband Vent

Sorry Question, had to steal your title Alright to start out I do realize I don't have any place to be...

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Posted by tmlmtlrl

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Husband Vent Sorry Question, had to steal your title Alright to start out I do realize I don't have any place to be...

Wife vent

About 7:00 tonight, we're finishing dinner. Daughter is at work until 9:00. Foster Daughter announces that...

Posted by queston

About 7:00 tonight, we're finishing dinner. Daughter is at work until 9:00. Foster Daughter announces that she's going to the Batman movie with the girl across the street. She tries to get my youngest son to go with them.

My wife and I both encourage him, because he needs to get out more this summer, and for the other obvious reason--we'd have the house to ourselves for a couple hours on Friday night if he went.

Well, he didn't go, and it turns out that what I thought was obvious wasn't so obvious. I mentioned to her that our older son had been better at reading clues at that age--he would have actually caught on that going would have left us alone and been likely to have gone for that reason. She says, "Oh, I didn't even think about that. It wasn't even on my radar."

That's certainly what every man wants to hear from his wife. It's not just a sex thing: I swear any kind of romance or husband/wife companionship just isn't on her radar. Ever. She actually mentioned something about the possibility of sex tonight when we were getting dressed this morning, but for her, sex is just a quickie at bed time that you get over with. The actual romance part is, well, not on her radar.

We went away for the weekend a few weeks ago, for our 25th anniversary. (This is something we've probably done 3 times in 25 years, so kindof a big deal.) She chuckles as we're unpacking in the room, "Oh, I guess I forgot to bring anything sexy to wear. Sorry."

I know it seems like a very small thing, but who packs for a (very rare) weekend away with their spouse for their anniversary and it doesn't occur to them that they might want to be prepared for romance and sex? (And she knows that I love it when she wears lingerie, which she very rarely does.)

We took separate vacations last week (I went backpacking with two of the kids, and she doesn't backpack)--we all got home Sunday. It's been a busy work week for us both, so we've really spent very little quality time together in the last two weeks. Something that does not seem to concern her at all.

In a lot of ways we are doing much, much better. We're pretty-much on the same page as far as parenting, and she's not undermining me the way she had been. But I swear I don't have a romantic partner. I have a roommate who occasionally "allows" me to use her vagina instead of my hand. That's very frustrating.View Thread

Posted by queston

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Wife vent About 7:00 tonight, we're finishing dinner. Daughter is at work until 9:00. Foster Daughter announces that...

My "Parents"

Firstly, I know this isn't technically the appropriate venue, but I'm still really hoping I can get some...

Posted by 3point14

Firstly, I know this isn't technically the appropriate venue, but I'm still really hoping I can get some insight on how best to deal with this.

So, today is my birthday. I'm old enough that it's not a huge deal, just turning 24. My plans for the day were to work for a few hours, go out to lunch with my parents, see a movie, then go dancing with my friends. My parents somewhat insisted upon us going out for lunch. I currently have braces and feel really self conscious about eating in public and told them both that. They were basically dismissive and insisted. Every time I've seen them for the past two weeks, they've been talking about how excited they are to eat at the Italian place we were going to go to.

The day before yesterday, my Mom texted me to say she wasn't feeling well and to ask if I or if M (my boyfriend) had some weed for her to borrow. I said No, because we didn't as we're both in the process of quitting. Yesterday, my Dad called my cell phone at work (a big no-no that he knows I hate) to ask for my pot dealer's number. I was annoyed with both of these things, but only mildly.

This sh**'s so predictable, right? My Mom texted me a Happy Birthday, and I asked if we were still hanging out this afternoon. Didn't even ask about lunch, but just if I'd be seeing them. She said she hasn't been feeling well all week and she doesn't want to get me sick. I said I was ok with that. She then texts me that she's at work right now, and because she knows the plan of my day knows by the time she's out, I'll be at the movie. Oh, and dancing tonight? Yeah, neither she nor my Dad can go.

I'm incredibly hurt. I've been going to therapy and taking an anti-depressant and in general, have just been trying to get past my whole life up 'til now, really. I'm trying to make a reasonably clean slate of mental health, and then something like this happens and I feel like garbage. Why insist that we have plans? Why not want to see your only daughter on her birthday? Why just use me as a middleman? I'm just really disappointed because I've been feeling especially close with them lately, and they honestly can't be bothered to do anything for me. I took the time off from work to see them, and now they're at work? Obviously they didn't intend to see me at all...so why not just let me know, I don't know, the day before?

I feel like I'm never going to have a functional relationship with them. My Dad makes fun of my braces, and my Mom won't even comment on them except to say that my care of them is "excessive". They only want to see me when it's convenient for them, and they have no qualms about blowing me off with no notice, but if I have to work when they want to see me, it's a huge issue. They're just never there for me, there's no consistency, and I feel like I can't say anything to them about it. They twist things so that I'm in the wrong or that they're not accountable.

Am I being stupid? I hate the thought that something so relatively minor might have huge reprecussions in my relationship with them, but like, really? On my birthday, no notice, after they knew I was inconveniencing myself for this lunch? I just don't see why I bother attempting to be close to them, because a lot of their love for me is really conditional. If my Dad's in a bad mood, I look chubby. If he's in a good mood, I could be a model. Know what I mean? How can I try to have a decent relationship with two people who change every three seconds and don't bother to make time for me?

Sigh. Thanks for reading. I just need some insight as to whether I'm overreacting, and how I should proceed with them. Thanks in advance.View Thread

Posted by 3point14

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My "Parents" Firstly, I know this isn't technically the appropriate venue, but I'm still really hoping I can get some...

How long does it take

To stop being suspicious of a partner after trust has been broken? My DH and I are recovering from a...

Posted by Anon_34172

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How long does it take To stop being suspicious of a partner after trust has been broken? My DH and I are recovering from a...

How was everyones 4th

I just wanted to thank everyone who has been helpful to me on here even if i dont like it, i accept it......

Posted by An_241965

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How was everyones 4th I just wanted to thank everyone who has been helpful to me on here even if i dont like it, i accept it......

Guard Squealer ?

Just curious if anyone knows what happened to Guard ? I'm back on the graveyard shift now..thankfully,...

Posted by longduckdong46

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Guard Squealer ? Just curious if anyone knows what happened to Guard ? I'm back on the graveyard shift now..thankfully,...

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