All my life I have been attempting to become a woman who doesn't need a man but wants to be with one. I feel that If I'm able to meet all my needs myself then this will show a man that I will be with him because I want to be with him in a sincere way and not for convinience. My thought about being in a relationship is for the mere expereince of sharing my life with someone not to have his economic support or protection. Is this the wrong way to think?
I come up with this question because recently I have read a book that says that men feel love differently and that they just want to be with a woman who needs them to profess, provide and protect. I will like to hear opinions from MEN in this discussion board if possible.
I will like to know if I'm wrong in my thinking, if men do not really value women independence.
The reaso for being independent is what you mention above but also to fall back on my own in case relationship does not work out. I see so many women traped in a crappy marriage because they have no way leaving and supporting themselves. That's another reason to keep your friendships going. Plus as you say it enhances the relationship by not putting so much pressure on each other.View Thread
Thank you for your reply. The babel makes total sense. I'm glad to have a male's opinion. I feel I know what I want in a partner but become doubtful when I don't find ppl who share the same way of thinking. Makes me think that I'm not being realistic and I should "settle" action that I strongly despise. I have learned several lessons along the way and I'm always looking for ways to clarify my thoughts and know myself better. What I haven't done well is gather information about the other person and actually evaluate compatability and take the important step of commitment. I keep working on myself though. So many obstacles out of my control do not allow me to have the career I want to feel happy and complete. I keep trying but I don't feel as confident as if I had that career. Ppl tell me this should not affect starting/keeping/ continuing a relationship but I can't help it and that insecurity always comes up to the surface. For the moment I will not attempt to date until I either feel I'm on track with the career I want or learn to put that aside and conquer such insecurity. View Thread
HI there IslandL I recognize you from two years back. Im' here aagain looking for answers. Just want to add to KittyCat's response. I do believe there are people who have a harder time findind someone to connect with. I'm one of them. I know I have to either accept my weaknesses or try to work on them and make them my strength. This is my issue at the moment. I tried getting back to dating but I find that I cannot be with someone unless I clear this insecurities. So I'm at work trying to figure this out but also trying to understand what is it that man look for. Recently I read a book that says men see love differently and that for them the want to find a woman who wants to be protected and supported not only that but that the woman NEEDS them above anything. I have a hard time believieng and I'm very curious to know if this is true. All my life I have been trying to be an independent woman not looking for a man just for the mere convenience of protection and economic support but just to be with him and share a experiences. I feel that If I can provide for myself then the man I'm with will see that what I feel for him is sincere. I'm I wrong in my thinking? Do men actually want a woman who is unable to take care of herself?View Thread
Thanks for your reply. It was really hard to realize that I was not that important to him. While it is true that all the uncertainty is over. It still hurts. He was the first person I was intimate with and it was very important for me to keep those memories just as they were. I know I'm not the only one who has gone thru this but I had planned it so well in order to minimize pain... it was not fair for him to say and do anything. I gave so much and only expected a little respect but didn't happen.View Thread
Hello Everyone! I want to give you an update on what happened on the weekend. I have to say that it didn't go as I had originally planned but I managed to stay true to myself in the end.
I met him Friday and before he said anything I stated that everything was over and for him not to get in touch with me anymore. I told him I was already in a process of moving on and his presence was just interrupting that process. I wasn't really intending to tell him all that I have been doing and will do but I though it was a good idea to show him that I had actually done my work to get over him and have been doing well all this time without him. He mainly said the same things as on the phone. That he had taken the decision of coming down because he could not stop thinking about me that his friend helped him decide, that it was a life making decision. He hinted that he may come back to work here possibly or some other country that it was outside his control where he will be sent next. He said it was presumptuous to ask me to be his date for the wedding. I explained that we couldn't drag this out because it wasn't fair for him or me. There was nothing to be done. However he didn't say yes or no to that.
The next day I went separately to the wedding. I didn't pay much attention to him and mainly talked and danced with my other friends. It was very stressful having him so close. My chest felt as if it was going to burst. For a moment I felt it was silly for me to act his way. I managed to stay in control until he asked me to dance and I couldn't say no. After dancing I felt I was going to faint and we went outside couldn't help kissing him desperately he didn't say a word other than there was no logical explanation to what was happening. I told him to go back inside and I stayed out for a moment to put myself together. I can only compare this feeling to the one drug addicts must feel at withdrawal I was trembling and upset. I went back inside feeling much better and determined to finish the night the way I had planned. I kept talking and dancing with my other friends and he would do the same. At times I would dance with him but didn't feel that desperation anymore. At the end of the night he asked if I could give him a ride to his hotel room I said I couldn't. He said that was fine. I told him to take care and not to contact me anymore. I drove out and my friends saw me leaving by myself. The next day I didn't get a call from him or text saying goodbye. It was fine with me. I think he finally understood.
I had only heard of stories like this through some of my friends and I would quickly give them advice to not believe and to stay away. It's one of those things that are easier said than done. I just feel so disappointed that he had become such a different person from the one I knew before. I wanted to keep a good memory of what we had but it's all fading. Respecting my decisions and giving me time to heal was the only thing I needed. He decided to come down and disturb my life. I have no way of stopping what he does but if he truly had cared for me and value what we had he should have stayed away.
I thank everyone who has given me their honest opinion and input. I did help me clear my thoughts.View Thread
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE. I'm deeply touched by the amount of support I'm receiving from you. I will stay firm on my decision to not be his date at the wedding and will go with a group of friends instead. I will see him for coffee before just briefly to tell him that I cannot be his date and for him to move on as well. That we should both enjoy the wedding. I had originally thought of going with a date myself but don't know anyone so I'll just mesh in my the rest of our friends the only problem I see is that they will be asking me questions. I will have to say that we are friends now just as I have already told some. I had the power to start this and I will have the power to end it. I know he will understand. P.D. No he is not married he is just 9 years younger and lives in another country.View Thread