Thank you IislandL--I can take harsh. I'm looking for a honest opinion even as hard as it is without being able to put all the facts on the board. My friends are too subjective to ask for advice. No I wasnt' upset that he left me. I always knew that was going to happen I was upset because he wanted to change the plans and come back to town. I didn't want that because 1. I'm/ was not ready to have a longer relationship and 2. I'm in the process of forgetting about him. However that is exactly what is happening. This wedding is the event of the year and I didn't want to miss it just because of the possibility that he was going to be there. I want to prepare myself the best way possible to be there and enjoy it. To some friends that I have seen lately and have asked I told them we were friends now. I did question him on the phone about why he wanted to be my date and what was the meaning of that. There was no clear answer. He said that he was miserable without me and that he made the decision of coming back after talking to a friend. That everyone in his circle of friends know about me and think very highly of me. Not sure what that means either. He also said that when he starts something he has to finish it. Don't know what that means. So I'm looking forward to talk to him and hope that it is just confusion and nothing else. I'm not ready for a serious relationship much less a long distance one. That's my reason for engaging in to this affair. Not that i dont value him he is an amazing person. He agreed and I didn't give him any hopes either. I never asked him to find away to stay, keep in touch with me or try long distance. He is just making it harder by telling me all these things. I want to know what he wants. If its sex that is not going to happen not part of the deal anymore.View Thread
Thanks cjh1203- He said that he made the decision of coming after talking to a friend and being miserable without me... that whenever he starts something he wants to finish it. Not sure exactly what that means. That's why I agreed to meet with him and talk. I have never expected anything from him and don't expect anything now. I just want to be at peace, give this a good closure and have a good time at the wedding because that will mean I'm moving forward. When he first brought up his possible visit I was upset because he was going against the plan and he was giving me hopes that there may be a future for us. So as a challenge I suggested a night stand (just to see what his answer was not that I was really going to do it or that I will). First he said that I will be up to me and then he said that it will be bad and it will set us back on our process of getting over each other. The truth is that Im not ready for something serious and that's why I went ahead and agreed to have this short term affair. Im feeling bad that he has not been able to get over me or that he may try make more of it because that was not the intent. I never gave him hopes either. I never asked him to find a way to stay or to contact me or to try long distance.View Thread
Once I again I would like to kindly request your opinion on my situation. I have found your input extremely helpful and really appreciate it. Ex-boyfriend called last week saying he is coming back for a weekend and wants to take me to a common friend's wedding as a date. He says he has not forgotten about me and still thinks a lot about us. All this after I have already done quite some work trying to move on with my life and put our relationship behind. Based on logic, on your replies to my post and own self conviction that this was what i needed to do. We had such good times when he was here I kept wondering why he did so much to make me happy and please me in so many ways. I felt I got what no woman has ever gotten from a man ever. But on the other hand he is confusing me with his behavior. as to what it means that he has not forgotten about me and wants to see me when everything was over when he left. I haven't agreed to be his date for the wedding I agreed to talk to him only. I want to see him in person and hear what he has to say. Needless to say I have been going crazy trying to see what I feel and what I should do. I have already RSVPed for the wedding there is no turning back on that. What are some of the things that I can for this wedding/visit something that won't hurt me. What will be the best approach to take?
Thanks again. I look forward to your replies.
back in june I wrote:
I had a relationship for three months with someone who I know from the beginning was going to leave after such time. It was clear for both of us we would not see each other ever again after that. All was wonderful and we had a great time together. He made everything so special by being caring and attentive with me. Things I never expected since we couldn't carry on with the relationship further. 2 wks prior to him leaving when I was experinsing some serious feelings for him he metioned he was possibly going to come to town in 4 months for a common friend's wedding for which I was invited also. I told him I was always under the impression that we would never see each other again. He said "I don't know". I was really upset because he was giving me hopes that we could continue when in reality that was not possible. I didn't show my anger and just told him that I didn't know either. Good bye was not easy. He kept telling me I should move on and find someone else. That he will contact me months later just to be friends. All that was said with the most straight face with no emotion whatsoever. I cried a lot not for him leaving but more at the fact that he wanted to keep me in suspense, change plans, not respect what we had planned, and minimizing my feelings by suggesting I go find another. He wrote to me a week later. Among other things that sounded condisending he said the time we spent together meant a lot to him. I want to write back and tell him i appreciate his words but also that I am upset.That I felt he didn't really value me as a person for wanting to change plans and making good bye even harder on me. It was insulting that he said I contacted his friends if I wanted to know about him. That if I wanted I could go visit him in some years ahead and meet his wife and kids. I want to be ok with him for all the wonderful things we had together but I don't think I can if I don't hear an apology from him. Should I write back and tell him how I feel or just forget about it and let him think I'm the happiest person in the world.View Thread
Thank you it does help understand myself better. I forget that I come from a household with the same situation. Nothing I ever do, did or will do is good enough for my mother. How do I shake that off though. I do think I'm doing a better job moving a way from her influence but it is still there unconsiously. I think that initially at this relationship I kept cool and was able to play my cards well but mainly because I stopped myself from being too involved but at the end after all the time together and intimacy it was hard not too develop feelings and start worring about what the other person thinks of you or how they perceive you. Most be when you start having feelings for the person and want to carry the relationship further. It sucks because this was supposed to be a trial relationship not a full blown all-feellings type of relationship. But oh well, my lesson is that I cannot supress feelings and should work on 1. Make the best to not show that I care what the other person thinks of me 2. Have feelings but act cool about it. don't let the other person know they have a hold of you.3. Always impress the other person and don't let him think you are less than him. I truly think this is the system people in relationships have. I think they call it TOUGH LOVE. Any inputs?View Thread
Thank you for your response. I was actually quite prepared for this. But he made it more than that. I never expected all the dinners, meeting my family, presenting me as his girlfriend with his friends and all the trips we had together in this short period of time. Some how with out words he showed me he cared a lot for me but at the end all changed.View Thread
Thank you for your response. we have several friends in common and believe that he may come sometime in the future. I want to be able to talk to him and not feel angry. I want to keep his memory as the wonderful thing we had for this time but I believe I can't if I don't let him know how he hurt me. Those words just erase all the good that there was. I felt even as if he was taking pleasure of me crying as he was telling me to forget him and move on.
Thoughout our time together I avoided being involved too much by not revealing too much of myself and how I was. But at the end I wanted to do that I wanted him to know I was worth having feelings for. Then felt horrible when he didn't even showed emotion at our good bye.View Thread
FCL When I met him as friends initially I learned he was going to be in town for a limited amount of time. Inspite of that I pursued him we started dating. Yes he travels a lot because of his job. I never intended for this to continue. (10 year age difference me being older) I don't believe in long distance relationships either. He is not married he was talking about hypothetical future wife and children. My intention was to never talk to him again. I hated he mentioned the friends wedding because he was really tempting me in to telling him to stay or do something for our relationship to work.View Thread