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So I was thinking about all these great changes you've been making in your life and your mom seeming to back away. Maybe it's hard for her to see you do things at 24 that she's been unable to do at her age. Maybe that has her re-examining her life and, still being afraid of making changes, she feels she doesn't belong like she used to. You've surpassed your parents in maturity and it's probably become obvious. I guess that would make things awkward for awhile.
Of course you'll need to step away from them, but I think you have a strong relationship with them and it just needs to be tweaked and in time it will happen.
Congratulations on all the wonderful changes you've been making! I know you reap the benefits, but I also know it takes a lot of effort and devotion to stick with it. I guess what I'm saying is I'm proud of you and very happy for you
View Thread
Question, my heart just breaks for you. I wish for you that your wife wouldn't be the way that she is. You are goin through understandably deep emotions right now, therefore your anger is naturally going to be amplified.
My suggestion for you would be to walk right up to her and say "I'm sorry you're feeling left out of what's going on, but what's happening right now is happening TO ME and I NEED YOU to be supportive. I NEED YOU to be there for me. I need you to stand beside me and love me and hold me up when I'm ready to fall because I lost MY FATHER"
Your wife always skates around the idea that you're not forward enough with your words. So put it out there. As straight as possible. Then let her know if that is too much to ask she can stay home. Not maybe. Let her know that right now you need to mourn your father's passing.
Your wife is not empathetic at all. She will probably get angry at first, but I would let her know cut n dry this is how it is and then walk away. Let her have time to take it in. Let her know this time it is not about her except for in your need to have her be your wife.
I am very sorry for your loss. I really hope your wife will step up and help you through this. I pray for your family and you to have strength through this time. Take care.View Thread

I believe there is never really the 'right' time for most things in life. It's just time when it's time. It all happens for a reason.
With that said, Spanky's post got me thinking of the why. What popped in my head was she's the youngest and her daddy is being taken away by another woman, another family.. how scary for her. Being 13 she is at such a delicate time of her life. She's about to go thru so many changes and quickly become hateful of well probably everything!
I'm just trying to take it in from her perspective and maybe I'm completely off base here but maybe I'm not. So how about if you can talk with your DF and see about him having some one on one time with her. Help her feel special, loved, and not forgotten in all these changes.
He's going to have to talk to her about it. "I" don't see her reasons as valid (unless there's much more to it) for leaving her mother's house and would see her using it as opportunity to jump back n forth whenever she gets mad. But I also think he probably sees that too and knows that her being 13 she will probably think differently in a week.
So yeah, the whole give it time and keep talking is the big picture for you. Sounds like you're already doing great with that. It will all work out the way it's supposed to and because you put thought into these things you're not likely to have things fall right apart on you.
You will have a special bond with these children. Someday you're going to be so proud of the relationships you grew with them. There's just so much yet to happen!!
Congratulations
I know this is all a stressful time. Try to embrace it the best you can. All the crazy will be over soon enough!View Thread
It's time. It's not too much to ask.View Thread

Also when you are having these deep conversations try to not let her get away with these short answers that are obviously covering up a truth she doesn't want to speak of. When you ask for her input on how things can get better an answer of "idk" shouldn't be acceptable. No one needs to have the 'right' answer but she is a part of your couple and needs to actively participate in a solution.
You've maybe been a good enabler for her to not have to deal with life.View Thread

Also the thing with the sex is understandable. I get it that it is really hurting you. Unfortunately the way you've conveyed your feelings it's almost as if you feel entitled, whereas the truth is probably that is how you feel love and therefore without it you're not feeling loved at all which makes everything in your life harder.
I would say yes try to step up your praises, but also step down some of the other things that are negative.View Thread

The idea of scheduling sex in your relationship doesn't seem right at all. It seems way too forced and uncomfortable as you found out the other night.
Like Steph had said, the issue here is much deeper than sex. You have other problems that need to be worked on and the sex should follow.View Thread

You keep thinking that way and that's exactly what will happen.View Thread

She truly feels beneath you and that nothing she does will be close to satisfactory. She needs your empathy. She needs compassion and love and encouragement.
She probably feels that if she was to be diagnosed as bi-polar that you would then feel as though she's definitely not good enough. Like you would say "ah ha I knew it, she's not competent".
It sounds as though she may be depressed not bi-polar. That depression seems brought on by the interaction of your relationship over the years.
Your logical A plus B = C attitude is killing her! I know it makes the most sense to you. Can you try really listening and hearing the things she does say to you. It seems as though she has said very important things to you that you completely overlook because it just doesn't fit the formula in your brain.
For instance this idea of her telling you to go find another woman who would be worthy of you. You actually think she means you should leave and you then explain to her how and why that is not the logical answer!! OMG! She's grasping at straws. She's looking for her husband to tell her that she is the only one for you, that she IS good enough!
You seem very matter of fact, and I'm not trying to condemn you for that. All I'm trying to say is that you two have very different ways of communicating and it would serve you well to try to understand hers.
I can empathize with your wife. My husband is an incredible man. He works hard. If something needs to be done he does it. If the kids need a ride he's there. If someone asks of him he's there. No complaining, it's just life. It's what you do (for him). It's not that easy for me. A plus B doesn't just = C for me. It's not that easy. But what I can say is that my husband brings out the best in me. He makes me want to always do my best and be my best, and I often feel as though I fall short. The big difference is that he also tunes into me. He hugs me, loves me, reassures me.
We often tell each other Thank You for the smallest simplest things we do in every day life. We both want that acknowledgement and encouragement. We need it.
You need to tune in to your wife. Stop making her your equal. I know that doesn't sound right. I'm saying she's NOT YOU. It takes a lot for her to make it thru the day and she needs things from you that you have not been giving her. She needs to see love in your eyes, not resentment. She needs you to hold her hand and say it's gonna be alright. Give her a hug and say you'll always love her.
Those are the kind of things that will make her feel connected and not alone. The kinds of things that will make her want to make love to you again. She feels so small and inadequate that she probably don't know why you want to have sex except to get your rocks off and I'm sure that's not a turn on for her.View Thread

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