anon_134193 - thank you for your understanding and compassion.
an_258778 - my ex left me having to live with his choices...and not much by way of explaining his unhappiness that drove him to making those choices. There wasn't, as he put it, a straw that broke the camels back between us. Our biggest issue was growing apart as lifes responsibilities grew out of control. So far as I can interpolate, that disconnect allowed his overwhelming desire to have sex with another woman (me being the only one to that point) consume him. Unfortunately, it became more important than our marriage and the life we built together. I thought that to be relevant to the OP.View Thread
Have you considered counseling? Because it will come down to a choice for you at some point, unless you address it immediately. Seeking help to control your desires and keep your values in tact is certainly valid in my book. I was on the other side of this coin with my now ex, 5 years ago. I watched him morph into someone I did not know. He had an emotional affair (and possibly physical) with a young, single, friend of ours right in front of me and tried passing it off as platonic.That led to much unhappiness on my end, his leaving and threatening divorce. He let his desires take precedence and the once loyal, trustworthy, person I felt secure with, crossed a line he wasn't able to return from. He was no longer committed to me or us, my pain and suffering didn't matter. He became selfish, but made adamant claims of his selflessness. He made sure he talked with those people in our lives who didn't know me well, so he came out looking like the good guy. He projected his guilt on me to absolve himself of those feelings to justify his actions. I seriously questioned my part in it, and took blame for things I shouldn't have. His words/actions weren't consistent with me, and he began omitting things. Like having a gf and getting her pregnant, just before he initiated the divorce paperwork. All I mean to point out is we all have demons we struggle with, but ultimately it is your choice how to deal with them...or not. Best wishes, it sounds like you still love your wife and are committed to your marriage.View Thread
Try posting this on Web md relationships and coping. Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps is a professional therapist who regularly posts in that group. Im sure she would have some helpful insights and questions for you & hubby to ponder. I have one thing to offer...you stated there are two sides to every story. While that is true I ask you to consider there are actually three sides; yours, his, and the truth. I learned this going through my divorce and truth is generally the simplest of the three. In the end neither side of the story mattered, only the truth.View Thread
Your anger and his lack of action will turn into resentment if the two of you can't find commonplace soon. Counseling may help. I have no idea what the role of an accountability partner is but I suspect there isn't much by way of addressing the actual problem.
Would he be interested in watching you masterbate? Not as a resolution, but I knew a guy once who thought what he called "live porn" to be exciting. Just a thought...maybe its the watching that excites him.
Thing that concerns me is he doesn't seem interested in your needs or pleasing you. If he remains selfish after responding to you in some way, think hard on it. Talk with him about where things are leading currently (i.e. a dealbreaker)...its there in black and white - what you've expressed.View Thread
If you are still invested in your marriage, I think the best you can offer your husband right now is your support. Don't lose yourself in the process. From the sound of things, he might feel the world is closing in on him for whatever reasons he isn't willing or ready to discuss with you. Blaming your daughter for any problems between you isn't reality...it's an excuse. The flirting/lusting of other women is an escape - possibly a subconsciously driven way of telling you he needs some space. The best I can offer to you is make it clear you support him and his needs but in order to do so you have to know what his needs are. Be sure to clarify what you are and aren't willing to tolerate. Being new meds are in the picture, have a conversation with his doctor about what you can expect as he adjusts to the meds. Give all of this a reasonable timeframe to sort out if you so choose...let your husband know "x" amount of time is on the table and if things don't improve, figure out where you stand and move forward with or without him. Make sure you take care of YOU no matter what.View Thread
Here's a thought...suggest an alternative such as gelato, or a fruit sorbet. Better yet, take time together and make your own! Add icy granita to the list and you'll find some pretty tasty frozen sweet treat options with way less fat and calories. Finding recipes on the WWW is easy. L.L.Bean has an ice cream ball that could be used to make gelato and has the added benefit of a half our workout. Check out the link; http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/46727?feat=osbsr&page=ice-cream-ball-quartView Thread
Ricky123 - chronic depression is a serious medical condition. Depression and/or stress can cause physical ailment after ailment as you've described. If you still care about her, read up on depression (the webmd main site has excellent articles and resources). It may help if you -first- understand what she is suffering with and -second- figuring out what you can do to help her. My first suggestion would be to find a healthcare professional who specializes in the care and treatment of depression. If you are no longer invested in your marriage and find leaving her is what's best for you please find it in your heart to at least help her with that step. There are effective treatments out there - understand it takes time for the effects to take hold and treatment may be life-long. There are no miracle pills or therapies. She will need lots of understanding and support. If you choose to stick with her a little longer, it would be unhealthy and unrealistic for you to be her only support...she will need a network of supportive people. A good medical professional will explain and help you with this. Was her post-pardum ever addressed or treated for by medical personnel?View Thread
I'm curious to know who suggested marriage counseling?
Is it worth all of that when we could just agree to disagree, forgive, and continue to work on our communication style and find ways to rebuild trust and love?
There is nothing wrong with that so long as both of you agree with it. If he is the one who wants to try marriage counseling you should do it and take stevesmw advice. The two of you need work at getting on the same page again. It may be painful, take time, or disrupt life...but putting it off may bring the two of you to the end of your chapter.View Thread
Stress in a marriage can be managed if both parties are willing to do whatever it takes...
I've been through something very similar and I'm so sorry for what you are going through. The ex and I went through a 6 week separation in 2009 and then a 6 month separation in 2010, got back to reconcile and all was going really well until suddenly six months later it wasn't. He stated he wanted a divorce and was leaving for good in a week. This was brought on when I confronted him about something he did that was disrespectful. Then the day he told me he was leaving, he had been out for several hours to the "movies" with his young, single, girl, "friend"...who had become a wedge between us over the course of these two years we struggled so. When my ex told me he was "done" I realized the truth was he was done long before he said it and meant it. I wish he had left after going to marriage counselling (which was a joke) and before ever going through the first separation. After he left the last time he didn't file and when I confronted him about it 3 months later the mixed signals and waffling came into play prolonging the inevitable for 14 more months. I wish I would have just filed when he didn't - I seriously contemplated but I couldn't bring myself to do it - eventually he did because he HAD to. Had to as in he got a girl (not the same one mentioned above) pregnant but didn't bother telling me. I found out on facebook of all places - two months after our divorce was finalized, one month after this child was born.
I'm not saying you will experience the same outcome, but please, please, protect your heart. Feel confident that you are doing everything you can to save the marriage. If he's no longer willing to make an effort that's on him.View Thread