Thank you ladies, I really appreciate it I'm glad therapy is helping, Pi, and I want to know all about the vacation getaway when you get back. FIYE, I think your daughter is off to a great start---and I agree, the very fact that she IS worried about developing a close relationship is a testament to her drive to make sure it will happen.
I got through my first week single; it's been weird since I'm new to this city and don't have any friends here yet. I've gone to karaoke and had a blast singing Settlin' by Sugarland among other moving on-type songs, played Rockband on Xbox live, I'll be doing a little retail therapy tomorrow, and I'm about to start a 2nd job.
Hello, 70 hr workweeks.
The upside is I'm keeping myself busy, and if I can hold it together, I might be able to get myself into a home of my own by this time next year.View Thread
Congrats on the paychecks Guard, and I'm glad your crew's doing good.
I confess that for the 1st time in six years, I'm single. My fiance broke up with me because he doesn't feel that he has time for a relationship right now, and I let him because I'm sick of being the only one trying to keep us together.
Right now, I'm so burnt out on the relationship that I'm not sure it was ever worth saving, much less trying to bring back from the dead when summer rolls around (which is when he'd theoretically have time for 'us'). This latest event has come on the heels of so many heartbreaks I can't even bring myself to cry.View Thread
I've heard of husband and wives with kids who wound up scheduling sex--simply to make sure the role of mommy and daddy didn't completely takeover their more intimate connection. It did help a bit in making sure that sex remained a priority, instead of being forgotten in the midst of the daily grind.
One thing you might consider before jumping into more sex, or asking your wife for more sex, is pick an additional day(s) in which to do something nice for your wife. Fix dinner, give her a massage, perhaps present her with flower(s) and some cuddling--Do something unexpected and romantic, something that makes her feel special and cared for.
Falling into a rut is dangerous for any couple---the good news is yours might be fairly easy to fix. You'd like more spontaneity and intimacy in your marriage? Take the initiative, and increase your odds of having her be receptive to the idea by showing her how much you care and appreciate her. Give her romance, and chances are intimacy will follow. Having your guy demonstrate that he appreciates you and cherishes you can be an amazing turn on--and the side effect is she may be more affectionate in return.
Ultimately, what I'd like to have happen for you is for sex in your marriage to be viewed as exciting, not a chore or obligation. Schedules may help keep it on the radar, but romance can help add in some spontaneity as well.View Thread
She's not 'gone' every weekend, she's dancing within walking distance of her home with her girlfriends on Saturday night while her mother voluntarily watches their child. It was an offer her mother made to spend time with her grandson, and she took her up on it.
She's not leaving her husband alone to look after the baby, and she's even suggested that they use Saturday as a mutual night to do things with their friends--she walks to the dance club with her friends, while he plays video games, watches sports, ect...with his friends. He chooses to remain by himself. The other 6 days and nights a week she's with her fiance and child (if that's incorrect, I apologize--it's just what I was able to determine from the OP's posts).
She has no transportation costs, and she doesn't buy anything, so her girl's night out doesn't affect their budget: it's free. She's already not going out every Saturday (though close to it)...but like Guard suggested, maybe cutting it back even further (or possibly switching back and forth between using Saturday night as date night/girls night) might aid in achieving some sort of compromise.
I don't think its fair to imply she's not a good parent or a good fiance just because she wants to blow off a little steam one night a week; she's simply lucky that she has a loving relative willing to give both her and her fiance the chance to do that.
On the other hand...I'm not sure why she's still with her fiance given his past and current behavior. I sincerely hope it's not because of their child. The more I hear about this story, the more it sounds like a relationship built on a cracked foundation, with two people who've grown apart and want different things in life.View Thread
My fiance and I are both great cooks, so we generally fix each other a special meal of nothing but the other's favorite foods. I'll make him a goofy card, he'll play me a song, and we'll serenade each other on the living room sofa. Sometimes we'll go dancing, and sometimes we'll skip straight to staying in and spend the evening wrapped in each other's arms. One of the things my fiance looks forward to is unwrapping me--I love wearing lingerie any day of the year; but on valentine's, everything I wear is tug and release. With just a handful of fabric & satin bows holding my clothing on, even a natural klutz like me can manage an alluring striptease--and I have to admit, I couldn't ask for a more appreciative audience View Thread
I wouldn't hold out hope that his behavior will change for the better when he hits 21 and is able to go out, too.
I'd say you're most likely in for more of the same. Insecure, jealous, and controlling behaviors don't disappear just because of a birthday.
He's cheated before (multiple times), and is now worried you'll do the same--even though you've assured him repeatedly that's not the case. It could be that his remarks have nothing to do with you. He's worried that if you go out, you'll cheat...because that's what HE would do in your shoes.
I don't believe you should just stay home. I think it's fine that you hang out with your friends once a week to have fun and go dancing--especially since you're NOT flirting or grinding with other guys. Cheating is wrong, but there's nothing wrong with not being joined at the hip to your partner. Having some time to yourself, or time to spend with your friends, is healthy---his behavior when you choose to do so is not. He's being deliberately nasty and hurtful.
On the other hand...when was the last time just the two of you had a night out? Not all clubs are 21 and over, you could find one where both of you could dance the night away, or do dinner and a movie--something, anything, to give you both some time alone to have a date and get a break from being new parents. If the only time you go out is with your friends, he may be feeling neglected. Babysitters can be a great way to give both of you some time to yourselves.View Thread
I know that doesn't even begin to cover what you're going through right now, but even so...I'm so sorry for your loss. ((HUG)) I lost my baby through miscarriage, and like your DH, my DF seemed to bounce back much faster than I did. Personally, I feel that whatever helps you work through and deal with your grief is a good thing.
You have my sympathy for the delay in making love with your husband again, but please don't underestimate the benefits of cuddling. There were nights after my miscarriage where sometimes, the only way I could go to sleep was to spend the night wrapped in my fiance's arms. You can still be a source of great comfort to one another, even if sex is on hiatus.
I hope your health clears up, and that if/when you and your husband are ready to try again, the pregnancy goes smoothly. I really feel for you, and I hope you'll post anytime you'd like to talk. Like you...I didn't really have anyone in RL to confide in when I miscarried, and the sense of loss and isolation nearly did me in. I don't want that to happen to you. I'm here for you--to listen, to let you vent, give you cyber hugs--whatever it takes.View Thread
MCK, no one is going to stop you from asking for advice--even those of us who've lost the heart to continue reading your posts still wish you nothing but the best, and we hope you'll continue posting.
Like Spankyrae, I was very concerned when you stopped posting for a while. We were scared for you--and unfortunately given the rest of your posts it was a legitimate fear. By continuing to post, we'll at least know you're still around, if even we no longer participate in the threads.
I'm glad you've been listening to the advice you've received, and I'm sure you'll receive lots more even after a few of us bow out. It's not because we have a problem with you, and it's not because we don't care... it's because we have a problem with the situation; and it hurts too much to continue seeing how much that situation is hurting you. Some of us have endured abuse, and reading your story forces us to relive it; and some of us come from backgrounds where what you're experiencing is so far removed from our perspective on what marriage and relationships should be that we simply can't understand why you stay.
Seeing your pain month after month with hardly any change to what's causing that agony is like witnessing an slow-motion train-wreck of human suffering. Some of us have witnessed a similar wreck firsthand, some are staring in disbelief, some are still trying to put the train in reverse--and some of us are removing ourselves because it hurts too much to stay on.
I wish you nothing but the best; congrats on graduation, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.View Thread