thanks everyone for their comments. I can see from many of your comments that my primary fault, is that i put too much emphasis on what other couples do and try and base mine off of those. I do need to take my wife's feelings into consideration. She has a VERY low self esteem. I don't purposly look at images in front of her. There are times when i'm looking at maxim and it's like as soon as i come to a woman in it, she just happens to walk by and see it. Kind of like when you're at work, working hard, and when you take a break, your supervisor just happens to walk up. lol I think one of my biggest faults, is that i'm inconsiderate and selfish to others' feelings, my wife included. That's obviously something that i'm going to have to work on, through communication. We actually weren't arguing when I originally posted this. We actually hardly ever argue over this, but some of the little comments that she makes just kind of built up inside of me and I kind of felt the urge to get on here and vent. I guess I always picture porn addicts as guys like I explained in my earlier posts, and I didn't like being categorized like that. I guess in society, I'm not labeled as one, but in her eyes, she she's me as being addicted. Thanks for everyones' insight.View Thread
so you don't think she's overracting just a tad? I just read stories of porn addicts that had ruined their marriage and job. Most of them had the same thing in common. They were substituting porn for sex with their spouse. They were looking at porn on their computers at work. I don't do none of that. We have a healthy sex life, with the exception that we both work and have a 3 year old that consumes a lot of our time. there are times that we're exausted, but if we're well rested, then there isn't an issue.View Thread
I think I was venting more than anything. Everyone that I've discussed this with, who isn't a frequent church goer agrees that churches have magnified this and made it into a major issue. But, when I talk to people who do frequent church very often, it's a major deal. I guess the main thing I'm wondering is if this is a problem only in churches. About looking into other peoples' back yards, that can also be turned around. Church goers, and people against porn, look into other couples' back yards all of the time and talk about how porn affected their relationship or how they live a healthy marriage without it. As far as couples counseling goes, we're not very good at truly resolving our issues, which isn't healthy, I know. We just kind of come up with a disagreement and argue about it for a little bit and then we just take each other's side to make the arguing go away.View Thread
I would just like some input and oppinions from everyone on how you feel about porn and tell me if my thoughts are justified or if i'm being a man in denial. I feel like my wife has a rather strong oppinion of porn and considers too many things to be porn. I feel like she's overreacting a lot and that I don't have a problem, along with a lot of others, who have been labeled as someone who has an "addiction" to porn. First, let me tell you all about myself. I've got an app on my phone called "the chive." The show lots of funny pictures that you can download and exchange via text or post to your facebook. A lot of the pictures are really positive, such as heart warming stories of soldiers and people battling deseases. But, there are some slides that show females in bikini's and other risky clothing. I do look at these pictures, but it's not like it's the first thing that I go to when i pull up the app and I can seriously go throughout the day and not be bothered if I didn't look at them. I also like Maxim, which shows girls posing. I look at them, but also really enjoy the stories. My wife is extremely oppinionated on this issue and makes comments that it's porn. I feel like she has a strong misconception of what porn really is. Am I wrong to feel this way? I've also developed another theory on porn, which i'm sure will get numerous positive and negative reactions. I don't think porn is an issue, unless it interferes with your marriange, your work, or your kids. I also feel like, the only reason why porn is an issue, is because it's considered a problem with the church community. I've been to church before and have listened to testimonies of people talking about their addiction to porn. I just feel like churches have made this problem worse than it actually is, along with women who no longer feel attractive. My wife, goes to church a lot and also feels unattractive. Before everyone jumps on that, I do try my hardest to compliment her and ensure to her that I still find her attractive. I guess, to make my post short, I feel like porn is only an issue because of churches and wives with no confidence. My reasoning behind this, is that I've seen and heard of so many couples where the husband or boyfriend tells me that their spouse doesn't view it as an issue. I even know some, whom their wives have bought them a subscription to Playboy. My brother and one of my best friends, both have recordings of HBO's show about the Bunny Ranch on their DVR, and they watch it with their spouse. My brother is the most normal person that I know, and I know he doesn't have an addiction. I think that people that are seriously addicted are the ones who have been fired for looking at it at work, or that would rather watch porn than make love to their spouse, or that can't go a day without looking at it. It just seems like everyone that I know that has been labeled a porn addict, is labeled by a church community or a spouse with no confidence. Sorry, if i'm rambling on. It just urks me when i'm looking at Maxim or "the chive," and my wife makes comments like, "oh, I know why you're looking at that." Should I be mad, or is her complaint justified?View Thread
I actually mentioned the cooking classes to her last night and it kind of went in one ear and out of the other. I encourage her to cook and offer her to watch, but i don't feel like i'm the person she should be watching. After all, i'm not that good really. I may have went a little over board with the frozen dinners though. I felt bad afterwards and still doView Thread
it was tough getting through the grocery situation. that was the first time that I had ever put my foot down and stood my ground with groceries. I hate to be a tightwad, but it's just not easy to support an entire family. Her job pays her car note, and child care, and every other bill i pay for. We both know that being a stay at home mom is completely out of the question because she is too much of a busy body, and it would driver her crazy. i almost thought about letting her assume the responsibility of paying bills and doing the grocery shopping. i don't think she fully understands how difficult it is sometimes when we've got birthday gifts we've got to get, trips to the dr. office, medication, pay for gas, gifts for any other type of holidays, and then somehow have a budget in mind when grocery shopping. After all of our bills are paid, it seems like we've got a bunch of money in the account, but it's so easy to go right through it on things like this, and the more we have, the more times something comes up that requires cash. i do make most of the decisions in the household. we both look at furneture, and if we find something we like, i'll do some research about it's quality. We have to do that because if it were up to my wife, she would just get the first thing she saw that looked nice. She did that with our entertainment center and it fell apart in no time. She often makes fast decisions that she doesn't think about, and i'm the opposite. A good example is; one time she needed a car when we first got married. Her engine blew up and we needed one pretty quick. we went to a dealership that was supposed to save a car that we had looked at the previous day, and when we got there he had already sold it. We drove around trying to find something like it and she found an ungly pt cruiser that i could tell she didn't like and that it didn't catch her eye, but she said, i'll just get this one. She had gotten that discouraged and was so desperate to have a new vehicle that she was willing to committ to something for 5 years that she didn't even like. I told her no and that we'd look around some more. She was mad at me, and the next day i found a car that was nicer than the one that we had planned to get her, and it was cheaper than the PT cruiser. needless to say, she was happy that I had went against her on that.View Thread
yes, shopping hard is very smart. It's easier if you know how to cook good and learn how to make things from scratch, but i'm not that good yet. i used to hate coupons and would be really annoyed with coupon shoppers, but now i'm finding out the advantages of them and have jumped on the coupon band wagon myself. We've also bought things that are off brand, and are finding out that they are cheaper and have the same flavor. The 3 dollar frozen meals wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it's just that i make enough food for us to eat that night and to bring to work the next day. She never goes out for lunch because traffic is so bad in the area, so she stays in and eats and reads or listens to her music. a lot of the times we would buy them, and she'd take left overs, and they'd be in the freezer and she'd forget about them. they take up a lot of room as well. after i told her no, we came home and i was putting the groceries up, and there were already 5 of them in the freezer.View Thread
thank you!! I feel like i'm doing the right thing, but it's always good to have someone back me up on that decision. We do still give in to our weaknesses from time to time, but i just felt we were getting out of hand with it, and it was showing in our check book. We're adults now, and it's time we start to act like adults and get away from the junk food. I really wanted to make sure my son gets used to veggies and fruits. Growing up, my parents gave into me, and let me eat whatever, and at 28 years old, i'm still trying out new things and trying to develope a taste for things that i wouldn't eat growing up. i don't eat the healthiest of foods because of that, but i'm trying to aquire a taste for those things because it's going to be hard to require my son to eat certain things if daddy isn't. My wife has gotten better. she stopped doing it after I finally said something, and she's doing a good job at backing me up, but unfortunately puts the blame on me and says something like,"no, daddy said you can't have that." We still give him snacks, but in moderation and as a reward for eating good or if we're outside.View Thread
think parenting classes would do us very good. She does read the "what to expect books" a lot, but we've never discussed going to classes for it, and it's something that i'd be interested in. She had me watch a couple of episodes of "super nanny," but i didn't care for it as much. i can't imagine kids being that bad, or parents letting it get to the point that it gets too, therefore i feel some of it's got to be staged. lol i believe you're correct about my mom making her feel incompetent. My wife doesn't really have much confidence in anything that she does, and parenting is one of them. I assure her all of the time that she's doing a good job and that she's shown more love to our son than a lot of people have in a lifetime. We do like to let our son go to his grandparents for the reason you were talking about, but I was referring to couples who do it just so they can go off and dump their child off, and they do it whenever they get a chance. Too many people look at a child as a job. i love being a father and enjoy my time with our son. We do need a break from time to time, but we do it with the intentions of him spending time with them also. Some don't really even think about that. They'll just dump their kids off with anyone, and we're not that type. We've never even considered a babysitter because we trust my mom so much. My mom and her husband are crazy about my son and he loves them very much. I think he also likes to get a break from us sometimes as well. There aren't as much toys over there, but i think the change of environment does him good sometimes.View Thread
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