-This may post twice, sorry if it does - I read all three spouse vents (queston, tmlmtlrl, guardsquealer) and I empathize with all of you. It is tough when the romantic aspect of your relationship is either on life support or dead.
I feel exactly like tmlmtlrl. To quote Megan Fox, "I have the libido of a fifteen-year-old boy." I love lingerie as well, but i gave up wearing it for his pleasure a long time ago when not only did he not take notice of it, but when I brought it up he told me to stop buying it because it was a waste of money. WHAT?
Can someone please explain to me the libido of a man, because I thought they were usually up for sex (no pun intended) most of the time. Unless, of course, they are tired or emotionally distraught, or watching sports on TV.
And personally my husband doesn't work weird hours and we don't have kids and we see each other pretty often. So I just chalk it up to the porn addiction and wear the lingerie for my own enjoyment.
But I know you guys also mentioned just romantic quality time in general, and I feel you on that one too. The romance is dead. At least I can still get him to go on dates with me because I pay for my half. But it usually ends up sucking anyway so I don't even want to go on dates.
And it's kind of tough because the rest of our relationship is improving a lot and I don't want to overlook that. I have had a couple discussions with him about how I feel about the romantic/sex aspect and told him I don't want to ignore how good the other parts of our relationship are getting. But a woman wants to feel desired.
tmlmtlrl, I know how you feel about your sexual frustration making you grumpy. I've gotten a little short with people at work this past week which I never do so I'm trying to be extra nice to make up for it lol. When I'm like tired or falling asleep I definitely have a lot of fantasies which I never had before, I think it is because usually consciously I try not to think about those things but when I'm tired my brain takes over and goes crazy, lol.
Anyway all this to say that I know how you guys feel and I feel the same way. I look for every opportunity for romance. I purposely get us into romantic situations where there could be fireworks but...not even a spark... I DON'T GET IT. I feel bad for you guys, and totally understand y'all's frustrations.
Keep venting, it's good for you. I feel a little better anyway. View Thread
Hi friend, I don't have a ton of time to write but I was just checking in and saw your post...
Ironically, I have been going through stupid crap with my parents as well, not exactly the same but still the overall feeling that they are using me as a middleman for something (money).
I know how you feel and I know it sucks. I'm never enough for my parents either, at times, and then sometimes they say they're proud of me for things. They are cuh-ray-zee!
I'm sorry that your parents screwed up your birthday a little. Even though you're an adult and your bday doesn't matter as much, it still matters, especially when it comes to people you care about who don't bother to acknowledge your special day.
I don't really have much advice for you. I think you're doing the right thing by trying to stay on good terms with them. But maybe distance yourself from them, bit by bit. They're obviously a source of negativity in your life.
The way I try to look at it is, there are people older than me in my life who give me the advice and support I need who are not my biological parents/family at all, but those people care enough to treat me like a parent ought to treat an adult child and those are the people I look to for support. It's sort of like the stork accidentally delivered me to the wrong house, haha. It hurts when your parents treat you badly because you see them as a part of yourself. You just got to realize you are an adult, an independent person, and they are not a part of you anymore.
It still hurts a lot when my parents mistreat me, even though I don't see them very often. But it hurts a lot less when I realize I don't need their love; it would just be nice to have it.
I think you're doing a great job and being really mature about it, and definitely not overreacting.
How was your birthday, was it still fun and stuff?View Thread
Well dear, that's just the thing. There will be really great times, which I'm sure are thoroughly enjoyable. They get you into a very positive and hopeful frame of mind. But you know this won't last long and that it'll go back to being terrible and painful. Eventually, you won't be able to enjoy even the happy times because you're bracing yourself for the switch to unhappy times.
I said it before and I'll say it again, you won't believe in true love, or romance, or happiness anymore if you stay with him. You'll be jaded like me, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
You're still so very young...keep your hope and your innocence.
I know it isn't easy for strangers to tell you to leave someone you love. You think, "But they don't know him like I do". That's true, we don't. But we've seen many people like him and we know what's coming for you.
Being scared of leaving is normal. It's a big step. But it's a step in the right direction. If you can go live with your mom, I think that's a great idea. Is your relationship with her good? I think you said in August you're going to move into an apt. with your friend? That sounds really great!
It's really up to you whether to leave him or not. If you don't leave him, perhaps just live separately and focus a lot more on yourself for a while. You deserve it my friend.
Pretty good. Just chuggin along on the railroad track that is my life. My husband and I are seriously considering moving to a different state, which is amazing because I've always wanted to live somewhere else.
I'm still changing every day, and I think about y'all often. On the tough days I still go back to some of your guys' advice which I wrote down.
I would certainly say I'm less emotional about the disappointing areas of my marriage and am able to work on them bit by bit. I take it all one day at a time. If my husband is treating me badly or saying mean things, which is getting rarer, it's not able to affect me very much and I can turn it into a learning experience for the both of us or at the very least for myself. I finally have accepted that I have developed an eating disorder and I shared it with a friend of mine who's helping me with it. I've learned to take all my emotions and put them into art and creative writing. I may freak people out with my creations but I'm glad I'm able to get back to those things. My stress level is so much lower and I haven't had to go to a doctor in quite some time. Yay!
I feel like I've aged at least twenty years, haha, but I try to look at it as getting a head start on my 40s.
Hey there. I don't have much time to post on this board very often but I've sort of been trying to follow the threads to see how people are doing. I've followed this one and today I read through everything. I know I'm posting late in the game here, but I would like to help you if I can.
Reading your posts makes me so sad. Your story is so incredibly similar to mine. We are even the exact same age! The difference is that I am married, and you are not. You have made no vows to stay with him forever. You have no reason to stay with him.
I know it's rough, becomes sometimes he's so nice and sweet and makes you feel wonderful, and acts like the man you fell in love with. And you feel like there's some hope. And then other days he's so horrible and mean and you wonder why you're still with him and you feel miserable. Please learn from my experience - this continuous cycle will only make you hard-hearted and you won't believe in true love anymore. It's tragic.
You need to get out immediately, and I understand how hard it is to find somewhere to stay. But it is possible. It may not seem like an extreme enough situation to go to somewhere like a women's shelter, but it is.
There is nothing you can do to help your fiancee change at this point. You need to get away, and build yourself up in the places he has broken. You need to be very strong, and then you will see that you are better off on your own. I know you see potential for him to change, and he may truly have that potential. But he is not going to change until he decides he needs to change. You can't convince him to do that, and it's not your responsibility. And if you stay and he continues to abuse you, you're not only hurting yourself but him too. You're teaching him that it's ok to act like this. So if you truly love him, you have to leave him. That seems ridiculous but it's true.
I have gone through absolute hell and I would like for you to take advantage of that, and please know that I understand all the emotions you're feeling. It's going to feel like your heart is broken when you leave and you're going to miss him A LOT. It's going to hurt.
But you have to get away, and don't look back. Ask friends to help you stay strong in this. And keep posting on here as much as you need to. The people here are some of the best people in the world and they stuck with me through everything; they will stick with you.
Let us know how you're doin, k? I will try to stick around and post more.
I feel for you, I really do. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well.
I don't really have any advice, but I think those who have already posted have offered great suggestions. I know you're hurting, and confused. But hang in there. We are here for you. And you're a strong person. No matter what happens, I think you'll get through it ok.
I agree with 3point14, you don't have to be ashamed of these feelings/thoughts. I can identify with the curiosity that comes from not having been with anyone but your husband.
However, there's a big difference between thoughts and actions. You can stop texting this man-friend of yours. There are some men I don't talk to as much anymore because I don't think it'd be very respectful to my husband, as these other men have feelings for me that they've had since I was single. It's not easy, especially when you're lonely.
Feeling lonely makes you vulnerable. Don't get yourself in a situation you're going to regret. IDK much about open relationships, but sometimes they really work, so again I agree with 3point14 on that. I think that your feelings are serious enough that you need to talk to your husband. If he is as loving and caring as you described, I think he would want to have this conversation with you if he knew how you felt.
Good men are hard to find. I know how important sex is, and how you can be sexually frustrated. Believe me, I'm in a situation where I'm frustrated too most of the time. But I think you should be open with your husband and try to improve your sex life together.
This is a very very important part of a marriage. It's definitely something you should talk about with him.
Good luck, and keep posting here. The people in this community are more helpful than you can imagine!