Hey I totally agree that it improves my mood and increases my energy levels too!
Well what I meant by saying it's my problem is that yes it's a huge issue but there are several much more important issues in our marriage and with him that have got to be addressed/fixed before we can even start to work on this issue. KWIM? So it's just that I'm so frustrated and I have to wait til we work on other stuff before it gets better but i don't wanna wait.
It doesn't matter what source I destroyed. He's stopped using some sources to "avoid temptation" but then goes and uses a different one. -But still- I have fantasies about throwing his smartphone through his computer screen and smashing the computer on top of his Playstation and tossing the Playstation through his flatscreen TV and pitching the TV out the window.
I'm working on making sure I do a lot of things that I wanna do, and that I don't get bogged down in depression. But my sexual frustration just doesn't seem to get any better/lesser and it's one area I'm stuck on.
Nice to see you too! I was startin to miss y'all. View Thread
I've said this a million times, I have no idea why he married me. I've even asked him why and he said it's cuz he loved me. IDK if he's even sure what loving someone means so again, I still have no idea why he married me.
I've also said this a million times, I can't change him. He has to change himself. I can help him see the ways he can take steps to change himself. But it's up to him. In the meantime, I'm changing a lot and while I wish I was still the innocent optimist I was a couple years ago, I think these changes are good for me.
Yes I definitely realize how much he's messing up my life. It's why I don't do things like combine our bank accounts or have children with him. Cuz believe me, it'd be so much easier for me if I left. But I made a commitment and I'm sticking it out. And on the sexual frustration front, if I left him I'd probably be more sexually frustrated cuz I don't ever wanna get married again and I wouldn't have sex outside of marriage.
My life is ridiculous. I've had several strongly-worded conversations with God about this. View Thread
I don't wear rose-colored glasses. They broke a long time ago.
I have a set time-limit for us to make changes and I've even told him that. If things are not consistently changed by that time, then I know they'll never change and we'd both be better off on our own. Every day I'm more and more ok with leaving if I have to.
We still go to marriage counseling. He goes to a Christian 12-step recovery program/support group every week and still meets with his brother-in-law once a week or at least calls him once a week. I kind of wish I could have a talk with the brother-in-law and see how he thinks my husband is progressing...but that'd be a lot like prying and I don't think it'd be right.
He knows he has a problem. Sometimes he works on it. Then sometimes he doesn't. I don't think he gets how much he's messing up my life. I've learned that with his past girlfriends he never realized how much he messed up their lives.
My two closest friends are keeping an eye on me and making sure I don't go back to being manipulated, and they're very encouraging. So I'm safe and everything. I'm just really sick of my life being so freakin difficult. (Of course my life could be so much worse and I'm very blessed and all this is happening for a reason. But it still kinda sucks.)
One of my friends has had to go on antidepressants and it has killed her sex drive. I found myself feeling jealous when she said that, which is terrible of me. I wish I could switch libidos with her and we'd both be happy lol.View Thread
I know, right? I keep saying, "We don't have kids so why don't we enjoy this now while we can?"
If (if) we remain together indefinitely and decide to have kids, I know I just won't have as much time to even think about sex. (At least from what I've read on this thread, that seems to be the norm.) Although if we have children that means we've worked through all this stuff we're dealing with now so I don't think it'll be as stressful for me.View Thread
1. Yes he understands I'm frustrated because I explained it to him a couple times. He admits he's selfish in our sex life.
2. I don't think he cares because he isn't frustrated and he probably just doesn't know what it's like. And maybe he rationalizes it because he thinks girls just don't need it as much.
3. I know marriages where one person isn't meeting the other person's needs don't tend to do too well. I've talked with him about that too. I don't think he gets it.
I think right now there's no point in having more of these talks with him because he's got so much he needs to work on in himself and so much we both need to work on in our relationship and I don't think his addiction is going to get consistently better/go away until after these other things are worked out. We're on a two-steps-forward-one-step-back (sometimes three steps back) track right now and it's really hard for me to keep all the priority issues straight and decide what to let go and what to address. Marriage is work! Lol. But everyone knows that.
This is just my issue at the moment. But I think you guys are understanding me on that and helping me figure it out.View Thread
Yes, I'm craving both the sex and the intimacy. I've never done it for the sake of doing it, I like all the excitement of it and I like him being excited by it. I've never watched porn or uh taken care of the frustrations myself IYKWIM but would that help at all so that I wasn't frustrated all the time?
I don't have an answer for why he chooses that stuff instead of me either, and so far he doesn't have an answer for it. He's into pretty hardcore stuff so maybe regular sex just isn't exciting enough even though he enjoys it sometimes. IDK.
I've mentioned this before but I was a virgin before we got married so my sex life has pretty much just started and I want to enjoy it while it's new and fun and I want to do it.
I know other people in this thread are frustrated sometimes too so I know it's not just me and I will figure something out eventually. Seems like it's just one of those life lessons I've got to learn. View Thread
I realized I'm much more accepting of masturbation lately and frankly I don't think it's a horrible thing. I know it's especially something guys want or need to do and that's fine. If that's all he was doing then that's very natural so I wouldn't be that bothered.
It's just the fact that it replaces me that makes me mad. I'm a human, I have sexual needs, and I'm not getting them anywhere else. I've explained all of this to him a couple of times. I try to stress that I enjoy sex with him and I try to make sure he enjoys it too and he says he does. When he is in a good place and we are getting along and making progress in our marriage, our sex life is ok. But that doesn't last very long cuz he goes in cycles.
I have a very active libido so I'm like super sexually frustrated most of the time. I don't wanna watch/look at porn because it's not really for me and anyway I think it might be hypocritical at this point.
I'm really trying to focus on other parts of our marriage right now so this is by no means my top priority (even if my libido is trying to convince me otherwise). But this thread and people's questions/comments on the subject caught my interest so I thought I'd join in.
So is there a solution here? What do I do to end my frustration? This is sort of an embarrassing question but there really isn't anyone I can ask personally, lol.View Thread
This topic really caught my interest because it's something I've been having trouble with since I got married.
Lately I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I've only been married a year and a half and he just isn't interested (it was getting better for a while but now it's not, *dramatic sigh*). Although as some of you might remember that's cuz he's being fulfilled in other ways. I'm really tired of making advances and I have lingerie literally going to waste right now cuz he doesn't even notice I wear it. So what do you do in these situations? Just wait til you get older and you don't have as much of a sex drive anymore? My fear is that mine will never go away and I'll just live my whole life sexually frustrated lol.
I work at the front desk of a college so I see a lot of guys my age every day and I get flirted with constantly even though all the students/staff know I'm married. I've been asked out a ton of times and I tell em thanks but I'm married. And while it's of course lovely for my self-esteem I'm just like, oh it's nice they're flirting with me but I'd much rather my husband flirts with me.
So...what do I do here? Should I give up and donate the lingerie to charity?
I'm not experienced in the whole sex-life thing so lookin for some wisdom here.View Thread