The easiest way to get in trouble is to be right on the wrong time. Yes you are absolutely right that you need to talk. Your wife might be going through a tough time seeing her daughter leave home and I am sure this has also a big contribution to it. Finding a better time and place will be the best way to handle it. You might want to wait until you come back home and may be you might want to take her out for a walk or even just to McDonald's. But till then, act normal as if nothing happened. She needs your support and patience more than ever. I know you do too. The more you show her love and attention it will open opportunity for a calm and smooth conversation. It is not what you say, it is how you say it. What ever you do or say should not make things worst so you should focus on the outcome rather than the time it is taking to say what you want to say. Go out of your way and create a quite and comfortable atmosphere. "Honey, did you really mean it when you say.......... last Monday morning or were you just angry or stressed with something else? You have two kids and you have come a long way. Most of the fights starts with miss-communication and misunderstanding. For that all you need is a time to sit and talk. But timing matters. Good LuckView Thread
My dear, don't mean to judge you but have you ever thought about your worthiness? There is an issue of self respect and confidence that you should look in to. I know you love him and you would do anything to keep your man happy. You might be feeling that you would lose him if you don't cooperate to fulfill his sexual desire. That is not the way to go. You know what to advice others but got confused when it comes to your own problems. Men like challenges. They like women who is firm and strong mentally and physically. You are thinking like a mother. Pure and unconditional love. The fact that he is watching his phone screen while he is having sex with you: Trust me, in his mind he is having sex with the person on the screen while he is using your physical body. That is called imagination game. Please have some time for yourself and ask if it is wroth being treated that way. He loves himself so much that he doesn't even care about his action and what it is doing to you. Then where is the marriage? By asking his sexual desire you have not done anything wrong. He never told you about it before because he didn't not know how you would react to it. But once you are aware of it, your reaction was a green light for him to do as he pleases. You gave his pleasure a priority than your own happiness. So you did't want to show your true feeling against the thought of having sex with another man so he is taking you for granted. Actually, there might be more of his crazy thoughts of his sexual fantasies. It will never stop. It will continue depending on how your reactions are. It might not be late to put a stop on this. we don't do things just because we can. We should have a guard even to our inner feelings. To have sex with another man you don't need his permission or he doesn't have to be there to watch you. You can have another man who appreciate the devotion you have for him and for him only. Some one who would feel uncomfortable even if someone who see you with that eye, let alone to sleep with you. Someone who wants you only for himself and him only for you. Someone who knows what is hurting you and making you laugh. .... think my dear. That is called love and marriage. Someone who has a fear of God. What is the background of your husband. Nothing comes out of nothing. There has to be some kind of link to it from the past. How was the relationship between his parents??? How was your background. I am sure you were raised by wonderful traditional parents who were devoted for each other or if you were raised by a single parents, you were raised with different values than his. May be you are dealing with something bigger than what it is. Do you think then you can make him understand your values which is a whole issue of a life time??? You need to pray my dear and be strong. You are not wrong so stop blaming yourself for having decent thoughts and for having values. Either he control his fantasies and replace them with your love and commitment that are essential for the marriage or it will be over soon. Best of luck....View Thread
I am in early 40s and married. We got 3 boys 6,14 and 15. about 5 and half years ago I got a job offer abroad and moved with my 3 boys. My husband was suppose to join us in 3 months once he find out that we like our new place. Since then I have been writing him and calling begging him to join us. With the US economy going bad, the house market was not inviting to sell our house or rent it. But the least he could do was just rent it to join us. My husband is not a kind of person who would cheat on me or that sort. (as far as I know) very decent and quite guy. But takes his time to do anything and I believe a combination of all that. I had told my husband about my feeling to have sex and needs. With my International job that I have I get tempted to go out with people and had warned him that he is really risking his marriage. Most of the time, he doesn't even respond to my emails. As for my journey with my 3 boys abroad, It was after 3 years that I have decide to date someone who was very close to me who cared and loved me and my kids. I was careful for my kids to know him as a close friend but nothing more. After 5 years now my husband came to visit us. I have asked him several times that we need to sit and talk because I was not happy about my marriage. He doesn't like to discuss no communication he is just a wall. I managed to have a conversation about my status. Of-course, I had to admit the truth since he had a speculation too. The truth is he left me and my kids for the last 5 and half years. He doesn't support us except clothing for all of us. And that is once in 2 years or 3. Kids miss him soooo much and I do too. He packed and left us without good bye and send me text from the airport that he has left. 2 days before his son's birthday and 3 4 days before Christmas. It has been 8 months now. Do you think I am in a marriage or is it over??? Do I have to leave my job and come back home to see the possibilities or just forget him. One thing I consider is my kids and their feeling. As for me, I have had begged enough.. My kids want to come back to the US to finish high school. Should I move them with me to a different state or send them to their father and let me keep my job??? Please help...View Thread
FCL, Thank you. when you have this person that you used to love and cherish so much it is so hard to accept that it is over just like this. I think it is me who is lying to myself. No, you are not wrong. It is just that I am confused because my heart loves him dearly and when I think of the things I went through I am bitter about him. Do I want to divorce him? NO.one because of my Catholic belief and second my kids. But do I like the way he treat me? NO. When he left I told him that I am filing for divorce if that is what he wants too..No reply. As for my kids, I send them to an international school here and they are really smart. They stand 1st from their sections. The are extreme readers and play tennis, and guitar. One of the base another one lead guitar. My first one going to 10t grade wants to be illegible for college scholarship. He wants to be there for 10th, 11th, and 12th so that he doesn't miss anything. Beside, he plays basketball and want to be recognized in the US. The curriculum of their school is British and it is even tougher than the US. But, they want to catch up on the curriculum and activities like swimming, base ball, basketball, their guitar lessons... and all. I know what you say about divorcing him. I asked my son if he wants to go to his father, he said I don't care. All I want now is to be in the US so that I can get ready for my future. He said we have lived here without him for 5 years, I don't think it makes any difference any more. I can sense a pain in there but I can't force them to go to him. I am like their friend who they can talk about anything with and share their secrets. That is why I have that mixed feeling of sending them to their Dad or move with them even to a different state for the sake of them. It is a tough call. I don't want to be a reason for any dissatisfaction in their future and they mean so much to me. They are very loving, very descents and knows what they want. Problem is that I never discussed my marriage with any one and it will be a big shock to everyone. They all know him as a nice, quite, handsome carrying husband. No one knows that he doesn't even provide for us. How I wish I know what is in his head. There are always 3 side of a story, mine, his and truth. I want to know his and the truth if I am missing anything. I am a bit invading I guess. I take care of things as a man sometimes. I don't know, may be ... who knows what is it that he hates..... I am still not decided weather to move back or stay where I am without them... putting what I wrote above in to consideration and the closeness i have with the kids, should I take a chance of sending them by themselves? Yes they want me with them but they also understand my job situation and the sacrifice I have to make.....View Thread
Actually, that is most men's fantasy and it is a normal behavior. My boyfriend always wanted to see me having sex with another women. I know how you feel and I can relate to my own situation. The risk is very high. You did nothing wrong by asking his inner feeling and desire. Then you will know how to deal with it. To bring somebody else to your marriage has a big risk. Not only for him but also for you. You might enjoy this person better than your own husband. Beside, when is it going to stop or is it going to be an open marriage? Are you also going to watch him having sex with another women too???? I have heard men asking the same question but doesn't push it to the end like your husband. The problem is if he is that curious, he would get it if not today but any time in the future. If not from you, from any one who would do it for him. So the best bet is to sit and talk to him and make him understand your fear of losing him or may be the whole marriage... Everything will change from thereView Thread
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