You know, intamacy doesn't have to be elaborate and take up tons of time. Get 10- 30 minutes (how ever much you can spare) of shared time where you have no distractions. Sit face to face, look into eachothers eyes. Don't talk, laugh, smile but don't look away and don't talk. Touch eachother in every place except the obvious places one would touch. after a few minutes, get down to business. Make it quick if thats all the time you can spare.
Any spare moment you have together is an opportunity to be intimate. The key is to show affection in the moments you do not expect intamacy, and she will respond better to your advances.View Thread
Ok, so I filed for divorce and my husband swore he was going to change and tried, but still had the same emotional/ anger/ anxiety issues and ended up taking a 2nd medication for depression and anxiety. So now he is on 2 different pills and going to counseling. The thing is, since taking the 2nd pill, he has changed dramatically. He has been great when it comes to being patient with me and the kids, little things dont seem to bother him like before and he is actually attentive and showing affection towards me and the kids. He is hardly showing anger which was a major part of the problem in our marriage.
So now I feel torn, thinking do I believe that he has actually changed or do I think it's just the pills? It's hard to continue living a somewhat "normal life" with him knowing that there is a divorce looming over us and knowing that I can stop it at any time. Do I ask him to try to stop taking the 2nd pill to see if he has self control. or do I try to work it out with a husband who has to take 2 antidepressents and continues to drink 4-5 nights a week, (which is intensified from the pills)?View Thread
That last line makes sense. I suppose I need to evaluate my trust in him. He is a pretty determined person and does not want our marriage to end. But he is a time bomb or at least has been and I need to see how long it will be before I don't always have that feeling of, "when is he going to go off?"
I'm not saying that the pills are a problem for me. (i guess I sort of am) but the fact that he takes them are not at all an issue. I guess what bothers me is that one pill is once a day and the other is 2 times a day. I think the second pill is only ment to be a temporary pill while we go through this tough time. He does not want to stay on the second pill.
He drinks 2 rocks glasses of vodka (straight) (filled) 4-5 times a week. Yes I think he has a drinking problem.
I guess I feel like either he is holding in his anger and just going to blow at any minute, or I will say or do something and wait for him to come back at me but he doesn't. He just holds it in. So do I forgive him for all the bad that he has done and accept this "new" man?View Thread
These past 2 years I have swept arguments and hurt feelings under the rug. Hakuna Matata, no worries and just tried to focus on all the good things. Our kids, comfortable life, good friends, etc. I've tried hard to make life comfortable for my husband and children yet he still maintained an attitude that he was not happy with me or our life. He just seemed angry all the time and I felt that I was a huge source of it as everything I said and did seemed to make him upset. He maintains that he never knew I was unhappy, and if he did he would have done something, I maintain that I told him repeatedly and that he never heard or wanted to hear me.
Now he is telling me that it was politics and the economy and his need to control situations that he couldn't control that was making him so angry and mean and that that he is trying to change. He desperatly says he loves me and will do anything to keep our family together. Yet in the same sentence he says that I have problems too and I this, and I that... He is going to counseling and accepts responsibility, and has made some positive changes (like having more patience with our sons and with me and helping out more around the house.) Yet he still harbors this angry, intense, controling behavior and when I tell him how I feel, it comes out. He still acts the same when there is a "bump in the road." Angry over the little things, but now he says it's because we have a divorce looming over our heads. I keep telling him that we just need to take things one day at a time and see what happens. If he is going to change for the positive, then things will work out. But he cannot get angry at me all the time and he has to treat me with respect and kindness. I deserve that much. He says I'm asking too much from him to tell him he cannot get angry.
My question is this, am I giving him false hope? And should I give him another chance? I'm so hurt and confused.View Thread
Thanks for the insite. He is seeing a counselor alone and it is helping him. It took me so long to admit that my marriage was over that it's hard to think about putting it back together. One day at a time right?View Thread
I have been going for the past 3 months and we have gone together. You see, I grew up in an extreemly negative and angry house where we screamed and yelled and hit eachother most of the time. I made a decision that I was not going to live my live that way and I was not going to be around people who did. When I met my husband he swore he would "protect" me from anger. He was jovial, and always the loved. Since then, he has progressivly become more angry and has anxiety and control issues. He has been on meds for over 2 years now for it.
He is a good man, I know this. But he continues to say that I never told him I was unhappy, when I remember telling him, "I cannot do this marriage, be with him, without help." and I begged him to see a counseler last year and he refused.
I love him, he is the father of my children and he knows I am a good wife and mother and now that I'm not tolerating it anymore, he wants to change. I feel so broken, don't know if I have it in me to forgive and forget. I'll always be walking on eggshells wondering what will set him off.
Please remember that there will never be enough money! If you are having financial burdens and your jobs are high stress and take up most of your time and energy, something is out of balance. You both need to reevaluate your priorities. Do you work too hard for not enough money? Do you live beyond your means always wanting more? Because if you have money problems sooner or later you are going to have to replace a furnace or a car or have children and then watch what money problems do.
Do you spend enough fun, quality time with eachother? Are you making that a priority?
Evaluate your budget, your careers and your prioirities and see where you can give and take. arguments are normal, but stress is deadly to a marriage if it goes unresolved.View Thread
My best friend of 35 years is still talking to my husband (who I am newly in the process of divorcing). They were never good friends, but now my husband is reaching out to her and her husband to get an idea of "whats in my head." I'm hurt and feel a bit betrayed that they are answering his texts and now her husband is meeting him for a beer. (Which in 8 years they have never done.) My husband has plenty of people he can lean on for support and I'm wrong to feel hurt?View Thread
Yes, we have talked about how I feel about it, she says that she is probably wronge to answer his texts/ calls but if he were do do something dramatic, that she would blame herself. It would be different if her husband and my soon to be ex hung out more on a regular basis.
The thing that concerns me the most is that my bff and her husband have really taken my divorce hard. It's not that they don't agree with it, they are just upset about the kids and whats going to happen to them and they think I will be a wreck without my kids every day. The thing is, I have never bad mouthed my husband. I have kept my unhappiness and the bad things private and put a smile on my face for the world. When they talk to my husband, they say things that he twists and turns to mean something else. I don't need any more drama!View Thread