my husband of 31 years cheated on me while we were separated. only separated for a month... he & I are back together and very happy. he was remorseful and i forgave him question: why am i still so obsessed with the fact that he had sex with another woman. i can't stop thinking about the details! help!!View Thread
you are spot on! he did take it as a green light. he is very emotionally immature.
after i confronted him with the "love" note i found, he said "that's not the life i want".... ya da ya da..."I never wanted the separation, I was so angry"....
I too realized i didn't want to divorce. so after all we both made the right decision to get back together.
I can't change the past and I need to accept the mistake he made. it will take a long time and i have to allow myself that time. He, of course, would love to never talk about it. I don't either but he has to realize that it's still fresh on my mind. even when we make love now, at times, and that is horrible. I have vivid and disturbing images. It seems all the therapy and meds in the world won't fix that. I hope and pray that time will heal.View Thread
that was the separation I was hoping for... "taking a short break from one another" and time for him to address his anger issues. I think it's a male/female difference. And I was naive to think he wouldn't seek the comfort of another woman as a result. Still he looks back now on it as it was a BIG mistake on his part. I'm just trying to get past the sex past. As a man you may not understand that. I spoke many times with a male friend and never went any further with it. I considered myself a married woman. Not to be a bi--ch here but... if your wife said she was moving out to take a break and then you come to find out that she has been having sex with a man she met at a party...how would you view that?View Thread
agree. my part was that i asked for the separation. he was really angry because the same thing happened the year before. I was desperate, we were fighting a lot, he lied about going to strip clubs, and he has a bad temper. I was looking at the separation as a big huge Time Out! then when things calmed down a bit we would go to counseling. he said he would get the counselor (because i have tried in the past without success) and instead he started "dating"!! he fooled me and cheated on me and then lied about it to my face. he said there was not intercourse and i actually believe him. but still other "sex" did occur, he admitted that. how do i forget? how do i trust? I really want to be married to him, it's just hard and almost impossible to remove the images in my head of him having sex with another woman.View Thread
yes you are correct and I have been in therapy for 3 years and we talk about my current anxities a lot. my pain is not going away fast enough. i think i also have trust concerns with my husband. he has done nothing at all to make be feel this way since we've gotten back together. it's just that when i "found out" about his cheating he lied and lied about it becaseu he was embarrassed and he wanted me back. the fact that he lied so easily and so convincingly keeps me up at night! while se were separated he asked me if i was "dating" and i said no and when i asked him he said no. i learned afterwards that he lied to my face. i feel so betrayed and played for a fool. I filed for divorce only to then realize this was not what i wanted. he begged to come back into my life and i agreed. it's been 7 months and i still have some really dark moments. i was and still am shocked that the man i have been with for most of my life could lie like that and cheat on me. it makes me ill..... Therapy has helped me in many ways but I want more help. I have started to work with a Life Coach.View Thread
agree. thanks. i am so happy being with him and he has made so many positive changes and i REALLY want to be with him. that is how i show forgiveness. i have never been with another man. he was never with another woman until 6 months ago. he is very very remorseful.
it's just me. i've been told by so many people that men are different. it was just sex and loneliness. i hung out with girl friends and did not date. i feel like he was weak and maybe i feel better than him...i'm not proud of that but i really really wish he could have been stronger.
the silver lining is that we are happier than we've ever been and the sex is better. i'm just really stuck on the fact that he had sex with someone other than me. UGH !!View Thread
thanks for the reply. we have been back together for 6 months. we were unhappily just co-existing for at least 6 years. I couldn't take the lack of passion and love in my marriage.he also had a really bad temper and very short fuse. he was going to strip clubs etc.. I asked for the separation. this same exact thing happened last year. we separated and got back together after months. my husband dated at that time as well.
he said he was so so angry that i asked for the separation again that he quickly "dated" and had a relationship ONE month after our separation. he led me to believe we were going to counseling. while we were separated this year he asked me if i was dating and i said no, are you? he said he wasn't either, which was a huge lie. i filed for divorce after i found out about this other woman. he begged for forgiveness. i realized that i couldnt live without him. we were together our whole lives, since age 16. i truly love him and he has made wonderful changes. my problem is i still have real bad imagery of him having sex with another woman. it creeps into my head a lot, even when we have sex now..... View Thread