I have a 40 year old step son who I've know since he was 4. He lost his job, house, marriage and due to a bad back he is unable to work. He has had multiple back surgeries through Medicaid. He has been living with is for over 5 years. Him not being with us is non negotiable. He isn't a financial burden and is self sufficient. I am 68 and would consider retiring and selling my house if he wasn't with us, but this is not an option.
We have another son who is 31. He had a rough time growing up due to behavioral problems. He did get a BA. He has supported himself for 7 or 8 years playing poker and is not interested in getting a regular job. I have loaned him money which he has always paid back. My wife is vehemently against him moving back in with us, but if it came down to it she would let him move in.View Thread
I've been married only one time, for 33 years. There's the old joke? about sex ends when you get married. There are two main reasons for this; the woman only engaged in sex because it was expected in order to get married or the man was clueless about how to please a woman. It is logical to think that if a woman enjoys sex it will be more frequent.
I have a high sex drive and I really enjoy pleasuring my partner. I swore I would never get into a relationship with a woman who didn't absolutely love sex. My first longer term sexual relationship was at age 33. I met her through computer dating (pre internet). We made love on the first date. She was highly intelligent, curvaceous and as interested in sex as I was. We went to XXX movies together, groped each other's crotches while driving and she was thrilled to give me a quicky even if she wasn't aroused. The downside is that she couldn't work. She was the perfect date.
I met my wife to be around the same time, at work. She had been sexually active for over 12 years and never had an orgasm. The first time we made love she orgasmed repeatedly. We made love so often that she walked bow legged. Eventually, she insisted on an exclusive relationship. I ended the relationship with the first woman and two years later we got married. Over the years sex became less frequent and only when she initiated it. The variety of tolerable sexual activities also decreased. When we made love, she was a passionate lover and we would make love for hours, where she would have 100's of orgasms and stop when she was exhausted.
It's been over a year since we last made love and I'm not optimistic that we will ever make love again. It drive's me nuts that a woman who has such a high capacity for sexual pleasure won't let herself enjoy it.
Reflecting back, there had to be some issues (other than incompetent lovers) for to have had sex for 12 years and not enjoyed it. I've had a house, a kid, a dog and a partner. Being in a sexless relationship really hurts. If I had it to do over again, I might consider never getting married and only stay in a relationship that was mutually sexually fulfilling.View Thread
I don't get to decide what is normal. That's done by society as a whole. I either look at something or I don't. That is my choice.
Cable TV has redefined what is acceptable to be shown. Check out 'Game of Thrones'.
Take a look at what is on the cover of the magazines at the checkout line at the grocery store.
I like looking at (not gawking or staring) women. I like a woman's face, her body, her physical fitness, how she carriers herself.
I haven't looked at hard core porn for over 30 years. A girlfriend and I went to XXX movies as a couple, something that was done then. I don't watch it now because I think it's tacky and how many times do you need to see the same sex acts.
Society has made child porn illegal and bestiality is probably considered not normal by the majority of people.
I do believe there is a line out there and it is up to the individual where to draw it.View Thread
Therapy/counseling is about helping you understand the issues you are dealing with. The process can be destructive in the short term. My wife was in therapy for many years for PTSD from early sexual abuse. She quit many times and finally quit for good. Therapy was a safe place to discuss things but she was tired of opening the same old wounds over and over again.
The biggest thing about therapy is finding the right therapist. Be prepared to have a session with multiple therapists until you find one that you can both work with.
You and your husband should have specific goals from counseling and the counselor should be on board with the goals and should state what they plan to do. You want to stay away from finger pointing but it's tough to advise someone when you don't know the history. You can express the concern and hear the counselor's response.
I don't know the past but I imagine there are books that discuss issues that you may have and are concerned about forgiving.View Thread
I'm almost 68 and still working. We've refinanced our house over 6 times over 28 years. We take cash out to whatever the max conforming limit is and use the money for necessary repairs and remodeling. We owe almost twice what we paid for the house. Given the lowering interest rates over the years we have a very modest house payment and a lot of equity. We try to not have any debt other than the mortgage where the interest is tax deductible. I have never considered trying to payoff the house. I've had cheap rent and built equity over a long period of time.
I will have a modest retirement income and won't be able to afford to live in the house we have. Even if the house was paid off, maintaining it would be too expensive. I have enough equity to buy a lesser house in a less expensive area for cash but maintenance is a big issue. Yard maintenance, a new roof, kitchen and bathroom remodeling are all expensive.View Thread
Taking your post at face value, he's likely bisexual. The questions I have are:
1. Will he be happy being monagamous? 2. How is the rest of your relationship?
I am heterosexual and love women's bodies. I would enjoy having multiple partners,but I am married and being monagamous is a big part of that. I haven't looked at porn in over a decade, but do check out the SI swim suit pages.View Thread
Women's underwear and stockings are a multi billion dollar industry. Women often wear them to please men, so if it is a fetish then it is shared by many men and women.
I prefer the soft feel of a woman's inner thigh. My wife has PTSD and when I touch my wife's breast or move my hand to close to her crotch she gets upset except when making love and then she enjoys my touch greatly. We were taking a nap and my hand was touching her outer thigh. She said "don't move your hand", which I heard as move your hand. She went on to say "it feels electric and wonderful". I moved my hand to her inner thigh and she sighed deeply and went back to sleep. My wife often asks me to rub her back. After a while she removes her night shirt. She says the rubbing through the fabric is irritating. Many women today prefer not to wear panty hose and stockings because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Like everything else in a marriage it involves compromise. View Thread
My definition of having sex is different than my definition of making love. To me making love is where each partner gets a lot of satisfaction about pleasing their partner. He should be focusing on making you feel good rather than his sexual satisfaction. There must be something you can do that makes him feel good other than involving another person or feeding his fantasies. If he is interested in pleasing himself he can watch whatever porn that turns him on and masturbate.
We always don't get what we want. I have a very high sex drive and a wife who is fantastic in bed. I can't even fantacize better sex. Unfortunately my wife has PTSD and lovemaking can be months or years apart. We have a a very loving relationship.View Thread