I've been with my wife for 35 years. For the last 25 years I've been dealing with my wife's PTSD. She's self medicated with alcohol during that time and smoked even though she has COPD. Convincing her not to smoke and drink was a tough sell. This year she was diagnosed with breast cancer and the worry over that and the treatment has made it a tough a year.
She went in for bone density screening and found that she has preosteoperosis. Alcohol keeps your bones from absorbing calcium and as a result she stopped drinking and smoking last Thursday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she is now motivated enough to keep with it.View Thread
Was there any time in your relationship where your wife enjoyed sex? Was there any time in your relationship where your wife enjoyed sex enough to initiate it?
In almost every relationship there's a period when each partner is interested in pleasing the other. At some point it stops.
My wife and I haven't made love in a log time even though she knows I want to. She has PTSD from early sexual abuse and after the pleasing stage she could be the only person to initiate. When she did initiate he would make love for a long time and she would orgasm almost non stop. I could never figure out why someone who got so much pleasure from sex had it so infrequently.
It is a subject that is no longer discussed, because talking about it won't make things better. We have a close, intimate, loving, sexless relationship.
I could deal with never having an orgasm from intercourse, but I do miss the opportunity to sexually please her.
I don't know how old your wife is. If your wife gets no pleasure making love with you that is something you can work on. If she's just no interested in sex even though she enjoys it when it happens, her libido may change over time as part of the aging process. I can understand you feeling depressed and rejected, but anger isn't going to help your relationship.View Thread
You are a lot better of than I am and a lot of other husbands. I gave my wife her first orgasm with oral sex, but she hasn't been interested in it after early in the pleasing stage of our relationship. My wife is highly orgasmic so it isn't a tool I need.
I'm a big hugger and kisser and sticking my face in a crotch doesn't facilitate that. I like to use my fingers and take direction. It leaves my mouth free to kiss and suck and it can all be done while in an embrace.
Regarding receiving oral sex, I enjoy it as much as any man, but prefer that my partner really enjoys giving it.
I would be a happy man spending evenings in bed watching TV and stimulating each other. As far as intercourse is concerned it's no good unless your partner is enjoying it.View Thread
This is a relationship issue. Any man who turns down good sex with a real woman has issues. There is underlying hostility toward you. By his behavior, he clearly isn't interested in pleasing you sexually or non sexually.
The adult thing to do is to talk to him. You can each discuss the expectations you have for each other. This might be a lost cause.
The other suggestion I have, which might backfire, is to be very sexually aggressive and push the issue. If he's watching TV including shows that you don't like. Sit next to him for a while and then start fondling him. If he asks what is going on, you say that you thought he might enjoy it and go ahead and keep watching your game or show. This might get his attention on multiple levels. Maybe he reciprocates in kind. You might not have his undivided attention, but you would have his attention.View Thread
I have a 40 year old step son who I've know since he was 4. He lost his job, house, marriage and due to a bad back he is unable to work. He has had multiple back surgeries through Medicaid. He has been living with is for over 5 years. Him not being with us is non negotiable. He isn't a financial burden and is self sufficient. I am 68 and would consider retiring and selling my house if he wasn't with us, but this is not an option.
We have another son who is 31. He had a rough time growing up due to behavioral problems. He did get a BA. He has supported himself for 7 or 8 years playing poker and is not interested in getting a regular job. I have loaned him money which he has always paid back. My wife is vehemently against him moving back in with us, but if it came down to it she would let him move in.View Thread
I've been married only one time, for 33 years. There's the old joke? about sex ends when you get married. There are two main reasons for this; the woman only engaged in sex because it was expected in order to get married or the man was clueless about how to please a woman. It is logical to think that if a woman enjoys sex it will be more frequent.
I have a high sex drive and I really enjoy pleasuring my partner. I swore I would never get into a relationship with a woman who didn't absolutely love sex. My first longer term sexual relationship was at age 33. I met her through computer dating (pre internet). We made love on the first date. She was highly intelligent, curvaceous and as interested in sex as I was. We went to XXX movies together, groped each other's crotches while driving and she was thrilled to give me a quicky even if she wasn't aroused. The downside is that she couldn't work. She was the perfect date.
I met my wife to be around the same time, at work. She had been sexually active for over 12 years and never had an orgasm. The first time we made love she orgasmed repeatedly. We made love so often that she walked bow legged. Eventually, she insisted on an exclusive relationship. I ended the relationship with the first woman and two years later we got married. Over the years sex became less frequent and only when she initiated it. The variety of tolerable sexual activities also decreased. When we made love, she was a passionate lover and we would make love for hours, where she would have 100's of orgasms and stop when she was exhausted.
It's been over a year since we last made love and I'm not optimistic that we will ever make love again. It drive's me nuts that a woman who has such a high capacity for sexual pleasure won't let herself enjoy it.
Reflecting back, there had to be some issues (other than incompetent lovers) for to have had sex for 12 years and not enjoyed it. I've had a house, a kid, a dog and a partner. Being in a sexless relationship really hurts. If I had it to do over again, I might consider never getting married and only stay in a relationship that was mutually sexually fulfilling.View Thread
I don't get to decide what is normal. That's done by society as a whole. I either look at something or I don't. That is my choice.
Cable TV has redefined what is acceptable to be shown. Check out 'Game of Thrones'.
Take a look at what is on the cover of the magazines at the checkout line at the grocery store.
I like looking at (not gawking or staring) women. I like a woman's face, her body, her physical fitness, how she carriers herself.
I haven't looked at hard core porn for over 30 years. A girlfriend and I went to XXX movies as a couple, something that was done then. I don't watch it now because I think it's tacky and how many times do you need to see the same sex acts.
Society has made child porn illegal and bestiality is probably considered not normal by the majority of people.
I do believe there is a line out there and it is up to the individual where to draw it.View Thread
Therapy/counseling is about helping you understand the issues you are dealing with. The process can be destructive in the short term. My wife was in therapy for many years for PTSD from early sexual abuse. She quit many times and finally quit for good. Therapy was a safe place to discuss things but she was tired of opening the same old wounds over and over again.
The biggest thing about therapy is finding the right therapist. Be prepared to have a session with multiple therapists until you find one that you can both work with.
You and your husband should have specific goals from counseling and the counselor should be on board with the goals and should state what they plan to do. You want to stay away from finger pointing but it's tough to advise someone when you don't know the history. You can express the concern and hear the counselor's response.
I don't know the past but I imagine there are books that discuss issues that you may have and are concerned about forgiving.View Thread