I am really struggling and need to just get this out somewhere.
I am 24, a mother to a beautiful toddler and married to the only guy I have ever slept with.
A year ago this month I found out he had an affair and impregnated a woman 11 years our senior. I was beyond crushed. It was bad, lots of drama went down and quite frankly I don't know what I was thinking staying with him. He took her for an abortion after I found out and has cut all ties with her.
I just can't get over this, I cringe when he touches me and sometimes I can't even look at him. We weren't even married 6 months when he cheated, I refused to celebrate our anniversary and I am having a hard time with him planning valentines. Last valentines he spent the night with her and then brought me home flowers. It makes me so sick to even think about it.
This affair has me lost in every way. I feel so badly about myself, like why am I not good enough, I am always mentally comparing myself to this woman. I just don't get it, she wasn't an attractive woman, she was over 30 pounds overweight, not pretty in the least, an alocoholic and had 3 kids she dumped on everyone so she could party.
I know I should just leave because I can't forgive this. I am just so worried about being a single mom. I didn't finish school because of the baby, I have no one to help me and I do not want to share my daughter at all. If he's attracted to this caliber of woman what's to say he won't dump my child on a 14 year old pothead so they could party. I am miserable but I am trying to put my daughter first.
I thought time would make it better but it's just made it worse. Sorry for rambling I am just so depressed about this...
At first he was insisting on therapy but then it turned into that only I needed to go and now he sees it as a waste of time.
I guess the biggest problem is with how he views the whole thing. He doesn't want to have his "mistake" control him so he thinks we should put it behind us never to speak of again. If I get upset or down he acts like he doesn't know why I should be upset or he gets angry I'm "still hung up on that".
He has never shown true remorse, just the typical "I will never do it again" lines of BS.
He has never been good at taking responsibility for his actions, he even tried to put the "guilt" of the abortion on me, ie since I would never stay with him if he was a father to that baby it's because of me that he pushed for one.
I think I have just reached the point of no return, I have looked up attorneys. He told me the other day if it was still bothering me to divorce him sooner rather than later so he wouldn't lose as much stuff. He has not had the right mindset at all, he is just acting relieved to have "gotten away with it".View Thread