I have read your postings and explainations. I'm sorry for your loss of parents and having to care for them. Our children shouldn't be care givers, if possible. It's to painful and the last act of love we can give to our parents is to give them the best care we can provide. As for this leach your in a bad bad bad relationship with, throw him to the curb. Don't pass go, Don't collect $200. (Monopoly game) Get his freeloading, life sucking A*S out of your life. I know your hurt and lonely. So does he and he's using it to bleed you dry. Don't compromise, don't give him an ultimatium, Just DUMP him. Let him go back and sleep with his "mother" GF. You are not the bad partner in this relationship. Don't let him tell you any thing else. You tell him to go and don't call back. It's painful, it sucks, and it's the best thing you can do with a cancer. Cut it out of your life, body and heart. There are good men out there. Some time you got to pick a few bad apples until you get the one you want.
I can't give you any advise on forgiving her. The main reason I can see why your hurting and nothing is helping is you keep opening the wound. You let her tell you about all the men she slept with and all the times she has made you look unmanly by flaunting her latest piece of meat to the neighbors.
Now after how ever many years of marriage, she wants to tell you about it. She's also sick, so she knows you'll keep her. My question is "Is it a STD or HIV". You might want to get checked. I have no sympathy for a cheating spouse. I really don't have any use for one that rubs it in the others face.
To top it off, she's telling the kids about it. Is she saying that because the children aren't your? There's a huge chop to the ego.
I was and am a good husband, father and bread winner. I didn't cheat, hit or lay around drunk. I thought I was good in bed and I have been told that by more than one woman. If she wanted for anything, I tried to get it for her. She still slept with the maintance guy. I don't play sloppy seconds with my wife and nor would I expect no other MAN to do the same. "Forsake all other's" is in the wedding vows.
All of this is my opinion. She lost the right to have a good husband stand by her, when she keeps throwing it in your face that she's a catch basin for other men. My suggestion to stop hurting as bad is cut out the poison in your life. Let the other men she was sleeping with take care of her.
I don't see you as less of a man for trying to help someone in need, even if they have done you wrong. Just don't let it destroy you in the process.
If you don't live together, then his sex drive isn't going to be in groove with yours. I work 3rd shift and my drive is different than my gf, because we don't see each other enough. If he has a high drive and takes problem in hand a lot, it will make him take a long time to complete with a partner. My question is are you complaining it takes so long because your frustrated or he's frustrated? If it's your frustrated, have him arouse you and you cum then let him masturbate and finish with/on/in you. If he's frustrated, have him stop masturbating a couple of days before he's with you. He won't last as long.
Ex's are ex's for a reason. My mother and father tried to get back together after 9 years of marriage and 15 years apart. It lasted 3 years. Quite frankly, I wouldn't touch my ex with a body suit on. He says he's "broken" up with the other women, but doesn't want to be seen in public with you. RED FLAG. He's blowing off your concerns. RED FLAG He's not giving you full answers, like he hiding something. RED FLAG.
Your feeling guilty because you went on with your life. Let him talk to the kids. He's their father, but you stop talking to him about any of the romantic stuff. You talk to him about the kids, his family (if your still in contact), or general stuff. He thinks he can claim you when he gets out. Stop his thought processes now while he's still in. Don't let him use you. He will have to live with his family or friends when he gets out. Not you.
I know it's hard to "turn you back" on him. You divorced him to move on with your life. I don't know what the prior situtation was, but it's all in the past. You will always have feelings for him. He is the father of your children. You feel sorry, because he's in prison. That's not a life style or a healthy relationship.
I still had feeling for my ex. We did have a son together. It's the other bad feeling I have for her that take control. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I won't take her back in my life. Don't let him into your life. Unless you want all the other things you divorced him for to happen again.
I can't say what's right or wrong for you. I can only give you my opinion. I do have a little insight. I work in a corrections system. I've seen too many game players and B.S. artist. I'm kind of jaded. I'm not telling you any thing that I wouldn't tell any woman who was cheated on and abused. I'm not telling you this stuff because he's in prison. That's also why I told you not to believe him until he's on the outside of the steel door.
Some things are not clear to me. 1 Did you divorce your husband? 2 Is he still in prison? 3 Why do you care what he thinks, when he's cheated on you, abused you, and your not with him?
I can see your different that his other baby mama's. You have a conscious and feel guity. I bet your even giving him money. I have no sympathy for dirt bags who cheat and abuse their spouses. I really don't have any sympathy for those who hear the word when the steel doors slam behind them. Maybe they didn't have the tools to deal with life when they were out. To me, they have to prove themselves after they come out. Not while they're in.
If you have divorced him, DON'T feel guilty. You have to have your needs taken care of. You divorced him. Keep it civil for the children, but don't worry about his feelings if your going on with your life. As for the other guy, just make sure he's not a player who is hooking up with you because your lonely and then leaves you. You don't have to feel guity, because he was a friend to both of you before. You started dating him after hubby was out of the picture. You'll always have feeling for you ex. Good or bad they will be there. Don't live in the past. Move forward. That's the best you can do for you and your children. Always think of the children 1st. No child should see mom or dad suffer.
I concur with Jacqui. He should feel honored that you will even provide this for him. I know from experience, if my partner doesn't like to do something, it will stop if you keep pissing her off. Of course, my ex wife thought sex was a chore also. Forget the about a BJ. As for you LOVING him finishing in your mouth, don't try to change for him. Flat out tell him, your doing it for him. Your enjoyment and what you love is the satifaction he get when he finishs there. I know when I'm with my partner and want to finish there, she'll do it for me. I feel blessed she did it for me. I also know she likes it, because it's for me. Not because she's hot and heavy for a mouthfull. I wish a lot of men would understand that and I'm a guy. It really makes me upset when a "man" gets his and expects the woman should be excited with his leavings.
You state your not judging people, but you come right out and state "Some people have a very 1890's definition of normal." That to me and some others sounds like your judging our view of normal.
We all stated that fantasizing is normal, but I pretty sure most people don't want to hear about someone else enjoying having the sex you're having with their partner.
I know I don't want to hear my gf describing having sex with my friend while I'm deeply involved in her or her wondering if my friend would do it any better. I know she wouldn't want to hear about me stating how much I'd like to do this sex act with her best friend.
Now would/have I fantisized about it. YES I have. When I'm having sex with any partner, I have had fantasties about doing her friend, but good taste tells me not to talk to her about it while I'm working deeply in her. What goes on in my mind at that time needs to stay there, unless it's encouraged to come out by my partner.
By the way, in 1890, normal was to sell or marry off your pre-teen daughters (after you test drove them), treat minorities and children less than dogs, and beat your wife. I don't think I want the 1890 normals.