Your feeling guilty because you went on with your life. Let him talk to the kids. He's their father, but you stop talking to him about any of the romantic stuff. You talk to him about the kids, his family (if your still in contact), or general stuff. He thinks he can claim you when he gets out. Stop his thought processes now while he's still in. Don't let him use you. He will have to live with his family or friends when he gets out. Not you.
I know it's hard to "turn you back" on him. You divorced him to move on with your life. I don't know what the prior situtation was, but it's all in the past. You will always have feelings for him. He is the father of your children. You feel sorry, because he's in prison. That's not a life style or a healthy relationship.
I still had feeling for my ex. We did have a son together. It's the other bad feeling I have for her that take control. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I won't take her back in my life. Don't let him into your life. Unless you want all the other things you divorced him for to happen again.
I can't say what's right or wrong for you. I can only give you my opinion. I do have a little insight. I work in a corrections system. I've seen too many game players and B.S. artist. I'm kind of jaded. I'm not telling you any thing that I wouldn't tell any woman who was cheated on and abused. I'm not telling you this stuff because he's in prison. That's also why I told you not to believe him until he's on the outside of the steel door.
Some things are not clear to me. 1 Did you divorce your husband? 2 Is he still in prison? 3 Why do you care what he thinks, when he's cheated on you, abused you, and your not with him?
I can see your different that his other baby mama's. You have a conscious and feel guity. I bet your even giving him money. I have no sympathy for dirt bags who cheat and abuse their spouses. I really don't have any sympathy for those who hear the word when the steel doors slam behind them. Maybe they didn't have the tools to deal with life when they were out. To me, they have to prove themselves after they come out. Not while they're in.
If you have divorced him, DON'T feel guilty. You have to have your needs taken care of. You divorced him. Keep it civil for the children, but don't worry about his feelings if your going on with your life. As for the other guy, just make sure he's not a player who is hooking up with you because your lonely and then leaves you. You don't have to feel guity, because he was a friend to both of you before. You started dating him after hubby was out of the picture. You'll always have feeling for you ex. Good or bad they will be there. Don't live in the past. Move forward. That's the best you can do for you and your children. Always think of the children 1st. No child should see mom or dad suffer.
I concur with Jacqui. He should feel honored that you will even provide this for him. I know from experience, if my partner doesn't like to do something, it will stop if you keep pissing her off. Of course, my ex wife thought sex was a chore also. Forget the about a BJ. As for you LOVING him finishing in your mouth, don't try to change for him. Flat out tell him, your doing it for him. Your enjoyment and what you love is the satifaction he get when he finishs there. I know when I'm with my partner and want to finish there, she'll do it for me. I feel blessed she did it for me. I also know she likes it, because it's for me. Not because she's hot and heavy for a mouthfull. I wish a lot of men would understand that and I'm a guy. It really makes me upset when a "man" gets his and expects the woman should be excited with his leavings.
You state your not judging people, but you come right out and state "Some people have a very 1890's definition of normal." That to me and some others sounds like your judging our view of normal.
We all stated that fantasizing is normal, but I pretty sure most people don't want to hear about someone else enjoying having the sex you're having with their partner.
I know I don't want to hear my gf describing having sex with my friend while I'm deeply involved in her or her wondering if my friend would do it any better. I know she wouldn't want to hear about me stating how much I'd like to do this sex act with her best friend.
Now would/have I fantisized about it. YES I have. When I'm having sex with any partner, I have had fantasties about doing her friend, but good taste tells me not to talk to her about it while I'm working deeply in her. What goes on in my mind at that time needs to stay there, unless it's encouraged to come out by my partner.
By the way, in 1890, normal was to sell or marry off your pre-teen daughters (after you test drove them), treat minorities and children less than dogs, and beat your wife. I don't think I want the 1890 normals.
Romance and initiate for your sexual encounters. She still enjoys it, but is wiped out after days of child care. I know you help, but there are times a woman needs to be appreciated and romanced. A little pampering goes a long way. Rub her feet and work up. Rub her back and work down. A flower, a hug, a dinner out. Date her again, you'll enjoy it also.
You got a lot good advise here. Both I and my gf are large people. When I first started dating her, she wouldn't get undressed in front of me. I couldn't take that. We were going to bed as normal, I made sure she had an old night gown on and when she went to turn off the light. I stopped her. I put her on the bed, stripped away her clothes, and kissed every part of her in the light. We've never had the problem again.She now even comes to bed naked
As for initiating, it doesn't matter who starts things off. My gf and I work 2 separate shifts 1st & 3rd at 2 different locations. We get 1 almost full day off together and 2 nights together. If we get 1x a week, it's great right now. I already told her, when I get to 1st, we both are going to be a lot more active at night as well as exercise.
As for the weight, I'm 50 and about 90 lbs overweight, my gf is 51 and I'm not saying. We both know we need to loss the weight. If you can do it keep at it, and try to get hubby help in little ways. Eat dinner together at the table, not the tv. You plan the meals with correct portions. Fix no more than that. Walking in the park is a good start. Once you start, keep it up. Plan healthy snacks together. Offer "special" favors for weight loss.
I'm sorry, but you said you have a zero tolerance and he's still quitting. Here's your options as I see them. Keep him and loss everything including your kids, or kick him to the curb. No gray area. You've let pot slide and he has meth on him.
Separate all bank and money matters, get to children services for support, and get a lawyer. Offer him divorce with him lossing everything or rehab and drug testing. When he gets picked up again for drug abuse, it will cost you more than you think. He's already listed in the police data bases as a drug user and the next step could be dealing.
Your number one priority is you children. You have to protect them. Find a local Nar-Anon and get help. Drug abuse is destroying this nation and it's becoming more accepted every day. Each of us has to make the decision of how to handle someone who is a drug abuser. Some times the only way to help is hitting them hard in life. My father is a drunk, so my tolerance for substance abusers is very small. For his good times, it took food out of mine, my 4 siblings, and my mother's mouths. My mother would have to steal food at the store or beg for my grandparent's money, because he drank up his paycheck. It was begging, because she cried everytime she had to ask for money.
You have to live with your decisions, but you shouldn't have to live with his bad one.