Before my husband and I married in 2011 I laid my only deal breaker on the table, I absolutely do not accept pornography and he said it's not a big deal to him and he wouldn't have a problem not looking at it. I found on his phone last September that he'd been looking at pictures of attractive nude women for the entire course of our marriage. I'm 5'3" and 155 lbs, have low self esteem, and view fantasizing about another women (real or not) as infidelity. I was devastated to discover that he's been lying to me for the entire course of our relationship. After multiple talks, arguments, and hours spent in counseling to determine if the marriage could be saved we've found a compromise. It comes down to: "It hurts me deeply and is important to me that this stops, will you stop or will you choose them?"
In our marriage, we have both agreed to act based on: Would I do this if my significant other was present? Do they know I'm doing this? Are they living with it or accepting of it? [Those are two different things. You can live with it and be completely miserable or you can accept it and be unfazed.> If they are living with it there's an issue. The offending party can stop the activity that hurts their partner (and relationship) or they can continue the activity and the relationship can inevitably end.View Thread
I recently discovered my husband of three years was having an affair. We have spoken and are actively working things out. My question is: When is it right to seek comfort in the arms of the spouse who betrayed your trust when you are not nearly at the stage of initiating sexual contact? I ask because I feel alone and I have always gone straight to him for support. I do not want to confuse our rebuilding efforts by having him think I am farther along the route of forgiveness route than I actually am. Please help.View Thread