Not much of a ring of truth in you original statement. If even part of this is true, it would be interesting to read her side of the story. And story as in Forum magazine fantasy. It is interesting how typical this fantasy of watching another man have sex with your wife, especially one with a large penis, is among men. As for the facts, from a physical stand point the pleasure a women gets from a penis has little to do with its size unless it very small or very large both being a negative. Consider that most effective means of orgasm is manual stimulation most often with one finger no more than to the second knuckle you can see that neither size nor girth is necessary to bring a women to climax. From a mental or visual stand point women may enjoy a large penis but that is another issue.View Thread
It is also a very typical self esteem issue for the wife. He desires other sex partners, even during sex, I must not be attractive or "enough" for him. She needs to understand that she is making an incorrect conclusion and by educating herself about sex and relationships and how men work and what fantasies mean she can improve her self esteem. When no longer threatened that he is going to run over to the neighbor and have sex with her instead, she can allow him to enjoy his fantasy, and maybe enjoy it herself or find an alternative they can enjoy together. Again much of this is based on the little information she supplied and the typical situation we see in such situations. But if you understood relationships, especially in a sexual context as well as I am sure you do mental health, you would be agreeing with me and not jumping way past the facts stated.View Thread
As a mental health professional this really is not in your area of expertise. True forcing a person to do something CAN be a problem. In psychology and relationship counseling and especially in the sexual area we often see one partner reluctant to engage in certain activities who then go on to enjoy them very much or at least tolerate them if they know their partner is enjoying themselves. That is why you have examine the severity of what is being said or done, then find the level of communication between them regarding it. Relationships are about communication and compromise and I see no willingness to do either by the original poster. No healthy relationship involves one person saying we are only going to do what I want. I might also educate you to the difference between listening to another persons opinion differs than changing ones own because of it. Nothing stated here in the responses indicates what I have said is in any way correct, neither does the literature. It could very well be that after communication and compromise the original poster finds out they no longer participate in this activity, they do it occasionally satisfying his needs and she has matured in her thinking about it, or that she may even open herself up to enjoy it or other fantasy talk. This is a chance to grow and learn, not just condemn an activity some do not understand or they do not enjoy. Obviously this would be different if it included hurtful and demeaning comments about her by the husband. But fantasies about people we know are common to almost everyone and sharing them can be very enjoyable and most likely this is a case of an overly restrictive concept of normality by the wife that is the biggest problem. It certainly would be solved quickly if both were available to discuss it with me. This is about making a mountain out of mole hill and that is the first thing she should understand if she wants to feel better.View Thread
While you are entitled to your opinion and living your life as you choose, your suggestion is not a healthy one and likely to cause relationship problems.
Biggest issue here is the original poster saying talking about a fantasy being the same as doing it. That immediately tells anyone with any background in psychology that the problems start with Her and will not be fixed by something like saying we will only do and even say things that both of us approve of doing.
Many sex acts have an initial resistance and end up being very pleasurable to both. Many things one does not think one will like, later in life we may find we enjoy.
Not only do I find your suggestion of if one of you doesn't like it, don't do it poor suggestion, I know it to be a dangerous one.
Again just because it works for you doesn't mean it is the correct approach for most people.View Thread
Who made you the judge of what is hot or enjoyable for everyone? Your statement about simply making them a receptacle is inane. Again you judge others based on limited personal knowledge and opinion instead of a greater understanding of sexuality. Most certainly there are many women who enjoy various forms of sex talk including this one during intercourse. And just as certainly some do not, just as with any activity that is part of sex. And just because someone does not want to do something it does not mean they would not enjoy it if they did try it. Further just because someone has been conditioned or repressed to thinking they do not like something does not mean they would not enjoy it if they allowed themselves to enjoy it. But that gets into fairly complicated psychology that would be too difficult to explain to here and in this forum. What about this activity is it that bothers me? Is this a rational conclusion or one that I have been conditioned to accept? Can I learn to enjoy what my partner enjoys? Or at least give it a chance? Or allow them to enjoy it without it hurting me? This is quality thinking, not nonsensical talk of sex receptacles and it doesn't appeal to me so no one likes it.View Thread
I have no issues with people trying whatever sex they are interested in trying. However, if you get married you make a promise to that person based on what you have represented yourself to be. IF they went into the marriage knowing he was into men, that is one thing. IF they at some point agree that it is fine with BOTH of them that he can TRY something like this fine.
The problem arises when this is not agreeable to both parties. Then either they compromise, he agrees to not pursue this desire or they split.
If his being with men is a deal breaker for her, she should know his intentions before starting a family.
We have tried all kinds of alternatives in our sex lives but always with both parties consent.
Without all information one can not be sure, but this guy seems like a gay man who wanted to try and live the kind of "normal" lifestyle society expected of him but his desires remain.
She must get him to be honest with her and himself before they bring another life into the mix who could suffer from a troubled marriage. Certainly many gay men are in marriages with women and they make it work, but both parties need to know where they stand and be willing to live with it.View Thread
You are pretty sure others don't like sex talk based on what? Have you studied thousands like Kinsey institute has? In other words you assume you would not like and others must be like you because you seem to assume you are right based on intuition.
Some people are very stuck in what was acceptable long ago or what they think they are supposed to believe. Society moves on slowly but surely and grows up.
In a sound healthy relationship you explore issues like these and come to a compromise solution that respects both of their desires.
I stick with my recommendation of possible solutions as it comes from doctors who specialize in sex and relationships. Often examining why we think something is not normal and we don't want it to happen we can solve our own reasons for thinking that way. If you are unwilling to try it says a great deal about your feeling for your partners happiness.
What if she said having sex other than in the missionary position and then only for procreation was not normal and she would not participate with her husband if he wanted it?
Same issue only made simplistic enough to understand.
In my opinion she needs to make an attempt to meet him half way. Sad to read to are afraid to be honest with your partner. We don't have secrets. Sometimes we find something we never thought we would like, is really enjoyable. Sometimes we compromise, but always we are honest.View Thread