
Reply: I'm at a loss
There are so many red flags in your posts that I don't know where to start ... Do his...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
There are so many red flags in your posts that I don't know where to start ...
Do his co-workers even know that you exist? Is it possible that he is hiding your existence because he took someone else to the company trip? Has he always tried to hide you or is this new behaviour?
How long have you been together? Any children? What kind of work do you do?
How about going to counselling on your own? You'd be surprised at how much it can help you sort out your ideas and your priorities... You can only change yourself not other people - so change what you want, what you expect, what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept.
Personally, the company trip episode would have been a dealbreaker for me. There is no way I'd allow anyone to treat me like that. No apology could ever have made up for that degree of humiliation.View Thread
Posted byFCL
Do his co-workers even know that you exist? Is it possible that he is hiding your existence because he took someone else to the company trip? Has he always tried to hide you or is this new behaviour?
How long have you been together? Any children? What kind of work do you do?
How about going to counselling on your own? You'd be surprised at how much it can help you sort out your ideas and your priorities... You can only change yourself not other people - so change what you want, what you expect, what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept.
Personally, the company trip episode would have been a dealbreaker for me. There is no way I'd allow anyone to treat me like that. No apology could ever have made up for that degree of humiliation.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: What a day!
"How did we get here???" Because you were smart enough to realize that this was the best...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
"How did we get here???"
Because you were smart enough to realize that this was the best way to deal with your situation.
If the word "therapy" makes you uncomfortable, why not change it to "counselling"?
All I can add is that the pain that comes with the sessions will not always be this intense. Keep up the good work.View Thread
Posted byFCL
Because you were smart enough to realize that this was the best way to deal with your situation.

If the word "therapy" makes you uncomfortable, why not change it to "counselling"?
All I can add is that the pain that comes with the sessions will not always be this intense. Keep up the good work.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: What a day!
You've just completed one of the hardest steps in the healing process. Congratulations! You've...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
You've just completed one of the hardest steps in the healing process. Congratulations! You've taken your life back in hand. I know how awful you must have felt when you came out of there but I bet you're feeling a lot better today. I love the idea of a punching bag - brilliant!
When is your nextordeal appointment?View Thread
Posted byFCL
When is your next
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: Would love some relationship advice
It could well be that he's suffering from depression. Can you get him to get screened for that?...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
It could well be that he's suffering from depression. Can you get him to get screened for that?
Apart from that, he's reproaching you for being you and what you are. Why should he expect a mother not to be a mother? What does he expect you to be? His lover? His housekeeper? His babysitter? Have you ever sat down together after the kids were in bed and just calmly talked about your future? It's not fair for you to be kept in limbo like this. Do you think he's trying to make you leave so that he isn't the bad guy in all this, by any chance?
He won't go to counselling so he doesn't care enough about your relationship to try to get it back on track. He tells you he wants out but keeps flip-flopping about it. Ok, fine, so he won't make a decision then it's time you did. Next time he brings up the subject of wanting to leave, give him a date. Tell him that when that date arrives he needs to be packed and in a new home because you'll be selling the house. Don't let him haver any more.
Yes, this will affect the children but they are witnessing the way he is chipping away at your happiness, your hopes, your self worth every day. They know exactly what is going on. Ask yourself whether it wouldn't be easier to leave than to drag this out for them too.
If he still refuses to go to counselling, please go by yourself. It will help you see clear in all of this and to organize your priorities.
Good luck.View Thread
Posted byFCL
Apart from that, he's reproaching you for being you and what you are. Why should he expect a mother not to be a mother? What does he expect you to be? His lover? His housekeeper? His babysitter? Have you ever sat down together after the kids were in bed and just calmly talked about your future? It's not fair for you to be kept in limbo like this. Do you think he's trying to make you leave so that he isn't the bad guy in all this, by any chance?
He won't go to counselling so he doesn't care enough about your relationship to try to get it back on track. He tells you he wants out but keeps flip-flopping about it. Ok, fine, so he won't make a decision then it's time you did. Next time he brings up the subject of wanting to leave, give him a date. Tell him that when that date arrives he needs to be packed and in a new home because you'll be selling the house. Don't let him haver any more.
Yes, this will affect the children but they are witnessing the way he is chipping away at your happiness, your hopes, your self worth every day. They know exactly what is going on. Ask yourself whether it wouldn't be easier to leave than to drag this out for them too.
If he still refuses to go to counselling, please go by yourself. It will help you see clear in all of this and to organize your priorities.
Good luck.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: Big day tomorrow
Let's try that again, shall we? No idea what went wrong there... (((((HUGS))))) I'm sure...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Let's try that again, shall we? No idea what went wrong there...
(((((HUGS)))))
I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.Therapy hurts because you're opening up wounds to clean them so they can heal. Let us know how things went, will you?
There now, that was MUCH better
View Thread
Posted byFCL
(((((HUGS)))))
I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.Therapy hurts because you're opening up wounds to clean them so they can heal. Let us know how things went, will you?
There now, that was MUCH better
View ThreadThere's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: Big day tomorrow
(((((HUGS))))) I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.Therapy hurts because you're...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
(((((HUGS)))))
I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.Therapy hurts because you're opening up wounds to clean them so they can heal. Let us know how thin[a style="COLOR: #006699; CURSOR: pointer" id=exchange-post-enabled_A8 class=template-reply-post onclick="LoginCreatePost(this,'couples-coping-support-group','3'); return false;"> gs went, will you?View Thread
Posted byFCL
I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.Therapy hurts because you're opening up wounds to clean them so they can heal. Let us know how thin[a style="COLOR: #006699; CURSOR: pointer" id=exchange-post-enabled_A8 class=template-reply-post onclick="LoginCreatePost(this,'couples-coping-support-group','3'); return false;"> gs went, will you?View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: Good days, bad days
I am so glad you did this! It helps so much to have people backing you. I wish you well and...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
I am so glad you did this! It helps so much to have people backing you.
I wish you well and hope your healing process is swift.View Thread
Posted byFCL
I wish you well and hope your healing process is swift.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: Good days, bad days
Honestly, I think I would have grabbed the opportunity to inform them. All they need to know is...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Honestly, I think I would have grabbed the opportunity to inform them. All they need to know is that she cheated with your husband and that you would rather not see her again. No need to go into any details. The sooner you tell them the better.
It's not good to keep this kind of thing to yourself. However, I wouldn't go to her sister with this because she isn't "involved" the way your SILs are - it would look like revenge. Your SILS, OTOH, really do NEED to know. Also, I'm sure they care enough about you to want to help.
I know you feel that OW should get some sort of payback (for lack of a better word) but she will. Trust me on that. What she did will get around and come back to bite her.View Thread
Posted byFCL
It's not good to keep this kind of thing to yourself. However, I wouldn't go to her sister with this because she isn't "involved" the way your SILs are - it would look like revenge. Your SILS, OTOH, really do NEED to know. Also, I'm sure they care enough about you to want to help.
I know you feel that OW should get some sort of payback (for lack of a better word) but she will. Trust me on that. What she did will get around and come back to bite her.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: discovering my husbands affair
Could I suggest something? Please post your message on the relationship board. You'll find it...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Could I suggest something? Please post your message on the relationship board. You'll find it here:
http://exchanges.webmd.com/relationships-and-coping-community
There is a therapist there (Dr Becker-Phelps) who often answers questions and who is very helpful. There is also a bit more movement over there than here at the moment. You might get some useful insight and support.
Wishing you well,
FCLView Thread
Posted byFCL
http://exchanges.webmd.com/relationships-and-coping-community
There is a therapist there (Dr Becker-Phelps) who often answers questions and who is very helpful. There is also a bit more movement over there than here at the moment. You might get some useful insight and support.
Wishing you well,
FCLView Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Reply: discovering my husbands affair
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. All I can say is that it takes months to make...
Posted by FCL
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. All I can say is that it takes months to make progress on this kind of thing and that it is perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way you are - it's still VERY raw in your mind.
Please make an appointment with a marriage counsellor for both of you. You need to work on your marriage together. Rebuilding trust takes a lot of time and effort.
I wish you all the best.View Thread
Posted byFCL
Please make an appointment with a marriage counsellor for both of you. You need to work on your marriage together. Rebuilding trust takes a lot of time and effort.
I wish you all the best.View Thread
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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