I'm guessing mrslee meant that people married fully intending to spend their entire lives with one person (barring death, of course). That they were prepared to spend 70 years with their husband/wife if life so allowed.
I agree with ImMe that times HAVE changed, whether people want to admit to it or not.View Thread
I responded because I said in my post that today's society affects marriages, and you said that was offensive. No need to get mad, pi, I thought you were alluding to something in my post.
I believe I'm considered the same "generation" as you, I'm only a few years older. I don't think the "generation" as a whole is lax and lazy. I think that society in general *accepts* what you called "moral laziness". I think that's a good term for it. Moral laziness. There are all kinds of things we could get into with that, like it's being made too easy for people to not HAVE to work, I personally know people who are older than me who don't work and always have people to cover their butts no matter what kinds of mistakes (personal or financial) that they make.
You're right that I probably did assume that things "back then" were different and I wasn't around then. That was an error in my own judgment. But I have really seen a decline in people in the area I live in, there's a huge drug problem. Babies without parents. Moms and dads leaving families just to pursue someone else (because it makes them happy). I don't understand it and don't care to. However, it's like where I live (not sure about where everybody else lives) it's more common to see people strung out on drugs, bath salts, sleeping around and making babies with this one and that one, and never caring what they do with their lives (living on welfare and not much else)--than it is to see a traditional family unit. Frankly, it's disgusting and it seems that people here (where I live, not on the board) are just really accepting of those who choose to live that way.View Thread
I'm not sure why it's offensive to say that "society" has something to do with all this. I think that the world we live in is much different than it used to be (obviously), morals are more lax, people are extremely selfish. For some people, growing up in that type of "society" influences them in a big, big way. People in general are just more selfish and don't think about how their actions affect those that they love. Unfortunately, bad behavior and doing whatever it takes to make one happy--regardless of who gets hurt in the process--is becoming more and more socially acceptable. And that's a sad thing.View Thread
I think you are right about what men are looking for when they post that they aren't getting enough sex----what they mean is they are feeling that disconnect, don't feel desired/wanted/needed. I disagree that people roll their eyes and think "poor baby" (at least on this board). I think it's a very serious complaint, as long as it's real and not someone who thinks they should get it 5 times a day and complaining because it's only 3. KWIM.
I didn't take it as the OP meant marriage is attacked on this board, but I understood him to mean in society, in general, that marriage doesn't get the respect it once did. Isn't as important as it used to be, to a lot of people.
As times change, the reasons for marriage change. I'm very old-fashioned, if anyone ever asked me what I wanted for my own life it would be what I have now- a fabulous husband, and my beautiful, healthy children. I always wanted to be married and have a family, and I don't in any way feel "tied" to it. I want to be here. However I feel with many people that isn't the case in this day and time. People want it ~all~ and sometimes it isn't attainable. They want the marriage, two spouses with big careers, a bunch of kids, all the free time in the world, a big house, new cars, all the material items they can get their hands on!... We live in a gimme gimme society and it's sad and it is the downfall of a LOT of marriages. I read somewhere not too long ago that financial problems lead to 90% of divorces.
I feel that a lot of times marriage is about what the other person can give you/do for you materialistically, not what they can offer emotionally, what kind of partner they will be. Marriages are like a financial agreement instead of an emotional/spiritual commitment. It's just disheartening.View Thread
Actually I agree with you to a certain extent. The only discussion I noticed where someone was being berated/name called was the guy who wanted to watch his wife have sex with another man and thinks there's something wrong with her for not complying. And I'm sure a lot of us held back in what we really wanted to say...I know I did.
I do think marriage has become less honored and sacred. I believe for the most part it is due to the "me, me, me" instant gratification society we live in. People don't want to put effort into salvaging their relationships, and they just want to make sure their personal happiness comes before anything else. Laziness, and selfishness. Those are the downfalls in marriages these days, because they lead people to do some stupid things and just give up in general.
Marriage has went from till death do us part to, until I don't like you anymore. Please be picky with who you choose.
That is quite possibly the most intelligent thing I have ever read on this board. View Thread
I am the stay at home spouse. I have 3 children in school and a 3 1/2 year old son at home with me during the day.
My husband and I both get the kids ready for school. Some days he takes them, some days I do (depends on his work schedule, but generally it saves a lot of gas for him to do it when he can). We work together and prepare meals/clean up the kitchen, he helps put laundry away, if someone pukes he will grab the shampooer and help clean up. KWIM? We're a team.
There is no room for "I" in a marriage. It has to be a team effort. WAY too often marriages turn into pissing contests (can I say that here?). And that is SO not what it is about. The worst thing either of you could do is stand around and argue about who does what more. It's pointless, and it will only lead to more arguments, that nobody can win.
What do you plan on doing if he doesn't agree to step up more? Is there a consequence for it? Or is it something you are temporarily prepared to deal with?
Is he looking for a job at all? After months of unemployment and no job on the horizon...hmm..
IMO your youngest child should be home with him. Just because she WANTS to go to grandma's 3 days out of the week doesn't mean she has to.
After reading that it sounds to me like he's very lazy and unmotivated, and won't even take care of your youngest child. Grandma's giving him an out!!!
I think you're so focused on the sex aspect that you are failing to see the bigger picture. I've been married for 15 1/2 years, we have 4 children, from 3 to almost 11. Life is hectic. My husband and I make an effort to connect on a regular basis. If he was as frustrated with me all the time as you seem with your wife, it would make me feel very inadequate and I would feel like I was doing nothing but aggravating him all the time.
You give off a vibe like you are so tightly wound you're ready to explode. I get the feeling that everything your wife does or doesn't do annoys the heck out of you. Chances are she's getting that, too. For some reason I keep picturing her as nervous and an emotional wreck bc of the turmoil in your marriage, yet all you can see is the issue with sex.
There is a larger problem here than I think you realize, but bc you are sexually frustrated you are focusing on that and it is driving a larger wedge between the two of you. You need to take some time to reconnect on an emotional, romantic level before you will see an improvement in your sexual relationship.View Thread
You are extremely vulgar. You say you won't ever disrespect your wife, but you already are.
I think what you're failing to understand is that the sexual relationship within a marriage is meant to be intimate and sacred. You'd prefer it was one big porn movie.
If she is feeling half the disgust at your overt sexual advances as most readers probably are feeling at your descriptions, it's no wonder that she is turned off.
I think the two of you need to seek some outside help with this. Honestly to me it sounds like you have an unhealthy, over-the-top obsession with sex and all things "kinky". It's hurting your marriage and you need to fix this ASAP.View Thread