Steph, nobody said you aren't supposed to have opinions, but you use that argument all the time as justification for just being mean. You've heard the same thing from several people over the past couple of months -- maybe there's a reason people keep saying it.
I'm sorry if I've told this story before, but I think it's appropriate. A former friend and I went to a high school reunion quite a few years ago, and we saw a woman we had known, but not really been friends with, in high school. We went through the "Hi, how are you's" and my friend, out of the blue said to the woman, "That dress makes you look like a whore." I was horrified and when I asked her why she did it, she said, "That's just how I am. I have to be honest."
When you're mean to people and get called on it, you always say that you're entitled to your opinions and that's just the way you are. That doesn't make some of the things you say any less mean.
I know you can be compassionate and give good advice. Sometimes I wonder if there's something going in your life that is making you angry -- Pi asked you the same thing before she left.
Being blunt works with some people, but people who come here are often feeling pretty bad about themselves already and blunt can sometimes make them feel more worthless than they already do.View Thread
Steph, in your post you said that he was physically abusing her on a daily basis. She has said that he hasn't physically abused her. I realize that the other abuse is bad enough, but I wanted to clarify that.
When she came here, just a couple of months ago, she didn't even realize she was being abused. She came here because of her husband's porn usage. As other things started to come out, the people here had to point out that his behavior was abusive. She thought that was just the way marriage was, because that's the kind of marriage she grew up witnessing.
As she's become more aware that his behavior is controlling and abusive, she has become much more assertive about it, insisted that they go to counseling separately and together, and has said she plans to move out. She took off her rose-colored glasses quite a while ago.
Her ENTIRE LIFE has shifted on its foundations since she came here. You've gotten angry before because she hasn't moved out fast enough to suit you -- this is her life, her marriage and she's made tremendous progress in a short time. As Anon_128523 said, it's not a simple thing to just pick up and leave an abusive relationship, even once you realize it is. You should know that from reading so many posts from abused women over the years.
I think she has been incredible in the way she has taken on board what everyone has said and, difficult as it has been to admit that her husband isn't the man she thought she had married, she has taken a lot of steps to change her situation.
She told us when she first came here that she had a lot of health problems and, of course, the unraveling of her life over the past couple of months has made them worse. I don't think for a minute that she's using them to deflect our attention from her marriage or that she's looking for sympathy, and I'd hate to think that she might be afraid to bring up her health problems after this. She was posting on the Depression and Anxiety boards long before she came here, so those are obviously big issues for her.
She was in a pretty fragile state when she got here, and is even more so now. If I were her, I would have found some of your posts devastating and probably would not have come back.
You are entitled to your opinions, but you need to remember that a lot of times you're beating up on people who are already really struggling in their lives. MCK, unlike many posters, has already made some big changes in her life based on what people here have said. She still has a way to go, but she's headed there, and she's under no obligation to meet a deadline anyone here sets for her.View Thread
You desperately need the advice of an attorney before doing anything. This is a complicated issue and you could end up with a whole lot of problems on your hands.
I hope things will work out the way you want them to, but it's irresponsible to just leave it in God's hands, without taking steps to find out what the consequences are of what you're doing, and what the legal ramifications are. You need to protect yourself -- don't let your emotions over-rule your brain.View Thread
First, I think this is pure hogwash: "the first kiss for a women everything she needs to know about a man."
I've had lots of first kisses (believe it or not), and I never based my feelings for any of those men on how they kissed. Personality, character, sense of humor, intelligence, etc. were all much more important than how they kissed.
Just from what little you've said, this girl sounds immature and shallow to me.
You sort of glossed over the drinking, but I think that could end up being a big problem between you. If she likes to drink and get wild all the time and you don't, it's going to get old in a hurry. There's nothing less fun than being a sober person in a group of drunks. And the things that you think are cute when she's drinking will end up being the very things that you find yourself losing patience with once the infatuation wears off.
You seem pretty mature, and she seems to have a lot of growing up to do. At some point, I think that kissing will be the least of your concerns. View Thread
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