I'm so glad your son is OK. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have that kind of fear for him all the time. It's good that you can talk to him fairly often, at least.
Are there other military parents where you are? Any sort of support group, by any chance? I know that nothing will take away the worry, but it would be good to be able to share your feelings with others who are going through the same thing.
I wish I could say something that would make you feel all better, but I know it's not possible. I'm so sorry for what you and all the military families have to deal with.
When you mentioned tapping to MCK, I don't know if you remember that I said it had helped my mother when she started getting severe panic attacks while driving. She also went through several months of biofeedback, hypnosis and talk therapy.
At the time the panic attacks started, I asked her if she thought it could have anything to do with Dad's death. His birthday, their wedding anniversary and the anniversary of his death were all around that time and, in the beginning, the panic attacks occurred only when she was driving to the neighborhood they used to live in.
She said that she was sure that wasn't it, that he had been gone eight years at that time and she had been doing fine. After going through all those treatments to help her with the panic attacks, it turned out that it was Dad's death that started them, even though she swore she was doing fine and didn't even realize it herself.
His death was unexpected and she's the kind of person who thinks she just needs to get on with things, so she probably never let herself grieve as much as she needed to.
If you don't get counseling for what is understandably very deep grief, you could find it popping up unexpectedly at some point down the line, just like it did for my mom. It wouldn't necessarily take the same form, but if you don't try to work your way through your feelings, it's always going to be there, lurking.
Of course, your grief is never going to go away, but it may be that it needs to occupy a different space in your psyche, where you can acknowledge it and feel it, but not be overwhelmed by it.
As for sharing your feelings with your husband, he sounds like the kind of man who would be empathetic about your feelings and not see them in any way as a reflection on your feelings for him. I'm sure he knows that you must still feel grief. Wouldn't you want him to share those feelings with you, so he didn't have to carry them alone? Your feelings for your late husband don't diminish the feelings you have for your husband.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now.View Thread
I got the impression that she had always been pretty much the way she is now. Have you noticed that she is different or worse?
I hope she doesn't have any form of dementia. My family has dealt with Alzheimer's and it's a terrible thing. It's good that she's going to be evaluated, though, because there are medications that may slow down the progression of Alzheimer's, if that's what it is.
Also, it would be good for her to be tested for Lyme Disease. It can cause dementia-like symptoms and is sometimes mis-diagnosed as Alzheimer's or other dementia. Also, some medications can cause confusion or affect memory -- she might want to take all of her medications to a pharmacist and see if any of them could be causing her symptoms.View Thread
If he's truly depressed, and getting migraines, couldn't that account for everything you've said here? He would have no motivation, energy, ambition or interest in anything, including eating. Do you know if he's being treated for depression?
Or do you have any reason to think he's on drugs?
If he is depressed and not being treated, your daughter should try to encourage him to see a doctor.
No matter what, there's probably nothing you can say to get your daughter to break up with him, and the more you try, the more determined she will be to stay with him. She will most likely get tired of him on her own at some point. They've already broken up a couple of times, haven't they? One of these times, it's going to stick.
Your daughter is an intelligent, hard-working, ambitious girl. A boy who is so opposite in every way is going to lose his attraction eventually. I think you and your wife just need to be patient.View Thread
"OP's husband raped someone, he abuses her physically, emotionally, mentally on a daily basis-- and she thinks by drawing attention to her medical ailments people will feel sorry for her and stop jumping all over her for letting her husband treat her like she's a worthless piece of meat."
Steph, that was one of the most unkind things I think I've ever read here, and MCK doesn't deserve it.View Thread
You poor thing -- you sound just miserable. I used to get migraines 4-5 days a week and just that, without all the other pain you have, would be enough to knock me flat.
I'm sure that stress is at least part of what's going on with you. You know that stress can trigger migraines and make your fibromyalgia worse, and it can weaken your immune system.
Is there any way you can just move in with your sister? I don't think you're going to feel much better physically, emotionally or mentally until you get a real break from your husband -- not just a couple of days. You keep living in hope that things are going to get better with your husband, but look what's happening to you while you wait.
As I said before, you can continue to work on your marriage if you want to, even while you're separated. Until you get some real space from him, your relationship with him is going to continue to take a TERRIBLE toll on you. The only way you're going to be able to see him -- and your marriage -- objectively is to get away.
I think a lot of the reason you stay with him is that you see it as some sort of huge moral failing if your marriage breaks up, but you don't get points from God for staying in a situation that makes you sick in every way.
You need to take care of yourself, and that includes getting away from the source of your misery.
I hope the doctor is able to help you and that you'll feel better tomorrow.View Thread
You're not over-reacting. This most likely has nothing to do with any shortcomings on your part. He's obviously enjoying the attention of all those other women and he's not respecting you or your relationship. I believe it's very possible for men and women to be platonic friends, but none of this sounds platonic.
Have you talked to him about it?
Why did you start snooping? Or is is something you've always done?View Thread