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Tmlmtlrl: I understand that he is actually being very selfish and yes I have just learned how to make things flow better so he doesn't get upset. The kids don't abide by his "rules" and that is what makes him mad. I am working on standing up for myself and realize that this may result in us seperating. I am finally to a point where I want a few things and the main thing I want is to be at peace and happy.
1nt3rnalCOmbu5t1on: You are correct no abuse is acceptable, the fact that he was abused should not excuse him for any abuse against me. My head understands but it is hard to walk away. I do not and am not asking for anyone's pity. I understand that I am part of the problem by allowing this to happen. I have to change because I can never change him.
I am truely making efforts to become stronger and fight back no matter if it ends in divorce. Thanks again for the input, I don't want to burden my friends and family but hearing what I already know has helped me in making some decisions.View Thread

I do have 2 children and both say that at times they wish I had left him when they were younger, he was MUCH worse then because I hadn't gone thru therapy and the stress of having kids at home because he wanted his way then too.
I confront him more now because I am stronger due to therapy and it is normally just the 2 of us since the kids are grown although our youngest is still at home. He has been physically abusive a couple of times so I don't try pushing him. He has never beat me or anything, just pushing me or grabbing my arms. He is always immediately sorry and apologizes but once something happens you can't take it back.
Your right I have made it acceptable for him to go to Ashley Madison because I don't want to make him mad and I should be the one that is mad. Even he says that I would do things that I don't want to do to avoid a fight. I guess I need to learn to be a lot more confrontational but it is not easy for me to do.
Truthfully if I ever told him I wanted to seperate he would leave. Guess I'm just too scard to go it alone. It's not that I think I wouldn't or couldn't find anyone else it truely is that I still love him even though he can be so mean at times. I don't want it to be all or nothing but I think I deserve to be treated better.
Thanks for the reminder of the serenity prayer I need to remember that everyday!View Thread

Yes I am a diagnosed codependent, went thru therapy know all the things that I am doing wrong but can't seem to stop. When he is happy there is no one better in the world to me and when he is angry there is no one angrier! Thanks for all of your comments it has truely helped me to open my eyes to what is happening. Trying to make tough decisions that will make me happy without hurting anyone else.View Thread

f he is this unhappy now he probably never will be good to you. You are still young and have a chance to be happy. Don't settle for less than you deserve!
Sometimes I wish I had really looked at the warning signs 25 years ago. On the other hand we have had some happy years too.Only you can make that decision.
Good Luck!View Thread

I am going to try to hang in there but I know my patience is wearing thin. Guess I'm to a point where I'm wondering if I want to live out the rest of my life like this.
Thanks for your honesty.View Thread

I have one of those rare husbands who hates sports. His obcessions are boats, vehicles and porn
. Unforunately his idea of not being boring is chatting on Ashley Madison (dating site for married people so they can have discreet affairs). I know that he hasn't actually gone thru with anything but it is hurtful that he even gets on there. We are working on our problems and I defintely think a trip would be a good idea since he dislikes this time of year. Maybe going somewhere warmer would help both of us. Thanks again for listening, I know I have a good husband but sometimes the things he does just hurt.View Thread

Yes we usually have one night a week set aside to go out but even that has become "boring" to him so we are trying to change things up a little and get him out of the house more and do some different activies.
Thanks for listening! I know that if I can survive until warm weather that things will get better but winter is just starting
View Thread


We have good children that are independent and are trying to finish college before they get married and have kids. We have a beautiful home, it's just not where he wants it to be. Sometimes I just wish he would go have an affair maybe he would find out what is out there and make an honest decision if I am what is making him unhappy or if it is within him. I have given everything that I have short of having a threesome which I have thought about but it is not something I can live with. If I'm not good enough I wish he would stop blaming me and just go on and do what he has to do. At what point do you walk away after 30 years?
I have told him whatever he wants to do I will move with him or work extra while he changes jobs but he says he can't make a decision but somehow this is my fault. Who is crazier him or me for dealing with this stupidity?
View Thread
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