I am a step child myself on both sides, so I do understand what it is like being a step child.
I would love for them to come over more to see thier dad and not just when they want something.
I have seen good in these kids, so I do hold out hope that in time things will get better. I def. plan on letting go of a lot of things and stop focusing on the negative little things. Normally that is out of character for me, I am normally very good about foregiveness and moving forward, so I dont know what it is about them that makes it so hard for me to move on from the stuff they do.View Thread
When they come over, I have to lock up most of my stuff because the middle daughter steals from me. I feel like I have to cook because even though they are old enough, if I let them cook for themselves, they will eat up all the food. Which really they do anyways, even when I cook. They whine, complain, the whole time they are at the house.
Then they leave our house and go back and complain to their mother about everything. Rules they didnt like, they didnt think I was nice enough, Dad didnt pay them enough attention. So then we have his ex wife sending nasty text msgs and phone calls.
I am always cordial to the kids when they are here. I used to be a lot nice and a lot more open to them; but it got exhausting never knowing if they liked me this week or not. And I finally got fed up of having to defend myself against teenagers who dont live in my house; I make the rules, not them.
Prior to their dad and I living together, they could come to their dad's whenever they wanted and just stay there, it was a 2nd home to them. However, now that we live together I am not okay with that. Mainly because of the stealing issues, but I work from home at times, and I dont need extra kids just laying around; especially if my fiance is at work or out with his friends.I am very adamant that if they are here for visitation, that their dad needs to be at the house. And honestly my fiance doesn't want them at the house alone either because on top of the stealing issues, they look through our stuff and may invite friends over while we are at work. However, I think they see "losing" their 2nd home as a main issue and hate me for it. I understand but at the same time, I am going to do what I feel is comfortable for me in my own home.
So all around I just feel like these are "bad' kids. Of course my fiance is used to their behavior. He tends to just ignore it, knowing that they are going to stop texting and asking for money if he doesnt respond or if they are over at the house causing trouble, they will be going home soon and he wont have to deal with them for a few more weeks.
I am having a hard time understanding though why he lets the behavior slide. And I am starting to get resentful about it. I let him help me parent my son, yet he ignores anything I say about his kids. I know it's partly gulity divorced dad syndrome, but he has been divorced long enough and I am not the first woman he has lived with since the divorce, so in my mind him and the kids should grasp the concept of the blended family a little better.
I am really having a hard time getting over all the stuff that his kids do. I feel that I have ben hurt and betrayed by them. We once had a good relationship and now I feel like no matter what I do, I am the evil step mom. I feel that the sisters and ex wife all bond over the common enemy (me) and they fed the fire and keep things going. My fiance tells me to get over the stuff they do and to move on, but I am having such a hard time with it.
Any advice would be greatly apperciated. Thanks!View Thread
I usually post on a step parenting board for issues with our soon to be blended family issues, but I wanted some outside opinions as well.
There is a TON to our story and I dont want to get into each and every detail, but I will try to be specific as possible.
My fiance was married for 16 years, been divorced for the past 5 years. He had a "rebound' after the divorce and they lived together for 2 years. We have been together for almost 2 years (will be in March) , engaged since last March and bought a house in June. (too good of a deal to pass up at the time). He has 4 kids; a son who is 19 and 3 daughters 20,17,13.
I have a son who is 7. Before my fiance, I was with my son's dad for 6 years and it was a horrible relationship; he lied, cheated, drank too much, etc. I was single for a year before I met my fiance.
When we first started dating things were good with the kids. I never pushed a relationship btwn my son and fiance. He has a dad and I didnt want my fiance to feel like I was trying to push him into anything. He is older and hadn't really been around small children for awhile and wasn't used to parenting a small child. Once we moved in together, he has become more active and closer with my son, but 90% of the parenting falls on me, which I am okay with.
My son can be challenging at times and I tend to baby him as he is my only child. I really listen to advice from my fiance when it comes to rules, etc with my son and take what he says into consideration. Usually what he says is right. Its just been issues with routines, earlier bedtime, less junk food, etc. Stuff that as a busy single mother, I developed bad habits and just havent thought about changing them until it was brought to my attention.
Our main issue and 80% of what we fight about is his kids. His son is okay. After the divorce his son has always lived with him and then us when we lived together, before graduating highschool and decieding to move in with his GF. It's his daughters. Now most people like to think of StepMoms as jealous, evil people who dont want the dad to have anything to do with his "first family" etc. I am not like that. I am a step daughter myself and love my step parents.
I envisioned this perfect blended family and that we would all do stuff together and it would be perfect, which it was until we got engaged. As time went on, I noticed that the kids only came over whenever they wanted. So there was no set schedule. So it felt like every weekend, I was just waiting to make plans or determine if we were going to have extra kids over. Usually they end up coming over if #1- they want money from my fiance or want him to buy them something or #2- things are getting stressful at their mom's and they want to get away from her and the other siblings. I feel that they try to mainuplate their dad against their mom and vice versa. Because I am an "outsider" I am able to see these things and because these are not my kids, I dont look at their behavior too kindly.There is a lot more, but that is the jist.
I have real issues that I feel that they use their dad. I am also tired of him shelling out money (on top of child support) to indulge these kids whenever they feel like it. I think it only encourages their bad behavior. I am all for meeting their basic needs outside of child support, but when they call just for a new pair of jeans and then he doesn't hear from them until they need a new sweater, that makes me see these kids as very spoiled and bratty. They will go weeks, months without calling their dad, but as soon as they want to come over, it's expected for us to just open up our home and drop whatever we are doing to accomodate them.
When they do come over; it is very stressful. I think one of my main issues, is that I have a hard time opening up my home and thinking of them as not just guests in the home, because they dont come around that often. So I just look at them as guests.
Sometimes I have "bad behavior" in my relationship with SO. I will act bratty, play hard to get, be rude, etc. Just playing games for whatever reason; I am mad at him, I am PMSing it, whatever. But until I realize I am being stupid and immature or until he stops me from that behavior sometimes I keep doing it. But most times he will step in and stop me from this behavior. So basically he will put his foot down, call me out on my bs, and basically stop feeding into it.
This is what you need to do. Take back some of that control. Stop whininng and start doing.View Thread
Sounds to me like they had a great time on the boat and the drinking was okay; until it was bed time and the wife just passed out and left Guard up by himself on a Saturday night.
I know Guard has concerns about his wife's drinking, but if I remember correctly she thinks she is fine. While I dont think he can discourage them from doing any fun activity that may result in drinking; such as boating, I am going to assume he knew that she probably would have a few drinks when they made the plan to go boating.
With ex SO (my son's dad) I hated it when he got drunk. BUT the rare time that I was able to go out with him and get drunk too and FINALLY have some fun- it wasnt so much a problem.View Thread