I have been with my SO for almost 7 months. We are perfectly suited for each other in every way. We would like to live together and get married.
Our only problems would be the kids.
I have a 6 year old son. Initially my SO had issues with the way my son behaved. I agreed to an extent that my son was a little out of control. I believe a lot of it, just dealing with having a new man around the house, etc. I feel that I have worked with my son and he has greatly improved. Him and my SO do have a good relationship. My only complaint with my SO and my son would be that I think my SO forgets sometimes that my son is only 6 years old. So when he is throwing a tantrum, etc. he has to remember that he is 6. But for the most part, things are harmonious.
Now my ex was married for 16 years (been divorced 4) and has 4 kids- 19,18,15,12. His oldest is in college out of state. No real issues there. I dont really know her that well and my only "complaint" is before she left the state, she would only call her dad for money. Annoying yes, but typical. The 18 yr,is his son and lives with him. He is a typical teenage boy. He has a lot of freedom to do stuff, but he is a good kid for the most part. Always polite to me, helps around the house. He is pretty self suffcient. He is a Sr in HS and has signed up for the Marines after graduation. My main issue is with my SO's 2 youngest kids who live with their mom. The 15 yr old helps around the house, is polite and sweet and we great along great but she is headed down the wrong path. Since I have been with my SO, she has been caught for shoplifting, sneaking out, stealing her mom's car, caught sneaking off with boys, 2 times. My problem is that my SO doesnt really address this as an issue. I do want to say that he grew up in a VERY hard life. He was doing things and seeing things a teenager, that is not normal. So I think he is a little jaded towards what is normal and what is not. However, I feel that he doesnt really address the issues. He has said "Well we have talked to her and she still does stuff. We have taken things away, doesn't matter. She is going to do what she wants." The 12 yr old, is just a spoiled brat. That is the nice way to put it. She wants what she wants and when she wants it. She has no problem complaining about stuff we give her. She has no problem having an attitude when she doesnt get her way.
I feel that my SO spoils these kids and babies them way too much. I feel very resentful towards the behavior and I am getting to the point where I don't even want to be around them. I hate the fact that he does not set boundaries.
Moving forward, I cant imagine living my every day life like this. It's constant choas. If they dont like what their mom has told them to do, they call their dad and whine and complain. If they don't want to come to their dad's on their scheduled weekend, they dont come, but if the following weekend they want to come, he allows them, even if it messes with our set plans.
I need peace and harmony in my day to day life. I can understand typical teenager behavior, etc. But I think because at times it is 4 kids and all of their wants, etc. it becomes overwhelming for me.
Except my tooth abscess was horrible. I was a teenager and I still remember that pain being worse then child birth.
However, I did have a easy and short labor. So that may be part of my reasoning as saying it didnt hurt as much as the abscess. But when the contractions were coming (I didnt have any pain meds) and before I was pushing (didnt hurt so bad then) I seriously sounded like a moaning cow. LOL.View Thread
In regards to counseling- someone once told me on this board, I think it was Swoon (?) that paying for a counselor is investing in your well being. If you were sick, you would go to the doctor. Why not do that for your marriage?View Thread