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Don't tell him how great he has it when he is feeling sad about his dad. Instead just acknowledge whatever he is feeling at the time. No comparisons. When he does have a great day with his Step dad or some other time, then say to him, "It is so nice that step dad has come into our lives." Spin the positive on days that he is not upset about his dad or his dad's family. The message will get through, eventually.
Best wishes to you and your DS during these trying days.View Thread


I think I'm done too. I appreciate all the members of this board, but I don't think it's the board for me any more. The tight group of people here are wonderful, but I miss the old married folks (or Long term relationship folks) that defined this board for many years. The board has changed into more of a singles or new relationship board. Change is good and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just not the board for me anymore. That's fine too.
I wish everyone a happy and healthy life.View Thread

Sometimes I need a few days to think things over before I discuss something with my DH, so I can approach a sensitive subject in a "nice" way rather than frustrated, or angry. Having said that, he's acting like a child; he should tell you what the problem is. I hope he comes clean soon, b/c walking around on eggshells is really no fun.
As for the sausage licking thing - I totally disagree with you and still think that your analysis or approach is way, way too judgemental. During that conversation I think that you fell into the "I'm the perfect parent to my perfect kids" trap. Or the "my kids are perfect because I am the perfect parent" trap. Some kids aren't perfect even though they have the perfect parent. But that's just my opinion and you are allowed your opinion. I'm sure you think I'm the "bleeding heart let everything go and it will be fine" parent. Neither of us really fit into any of those categories. I know you are a good mom, wife and person so we will just have to "agree to disagree" on the Sausage Licking Incident.View Thread


I think it's smart of him to be looking for someone who has the kind of spending habits he appreciates. The same money values. However, as incomes increase your ideas of what is "needed" and what is "extra" changes. That's ok too. It's just that if he's a total money control person, that makes it hard. Hard on you. There is a thin line between trying to identify whether someone has the same values as you do when it comes to spending and saving money and a control freak. Make sure you guys work this out before you say "I do".
I'm lucky, I guess. My DH earns the money, but he has very little to do with how it's spent. LOL. He really just wants a few toys every now and then and to be able to feel like it's not so "tight". Easy enough. I always let him know that if I should die suddenly he needs to look in "this" drawer and for "that" computer file and then he will know where everything is! Otherwise, he's hosed....View Thread

The fact is that half of marriages end in divorce, so thinking about how you would handle that is not a bad thing. In fact it is a good thing. Addtionally, having a prenup is not a bad thing, it can be a good thing. However, think about what you sign and make sure you get your own attorney. It might give your BF something to think about too. He's basically asking a women to not have a "real" career, stay home and raise his kids as long as he is happy. Once he is unhappy he gets to walk away. Hmm. Not really fair. Now, in all honesty, he is also saying that he has a career that could potentially offer you a much higher standard of living than you could afford on your own, based on your level of education and chosen career path.
You really need to think about what that means for you, your relationship and your long term career goals. It might mean that you guys decide that once you get married, everything you aquire from that day forward would be "split 50-50. Once you got divorced he might pay for the family home until your youngest reaches 18 and then you sell the family home and split the equity. It means that he doesn't want to pay allimony to you. If that is expected, then you might want to consider going back to school, getting your RN and always working, even if it is part time just so you never loose your skills. If you know the deal ahead of time, and it is ok with you, this is not a bad thing.
If however, he expects you to be a stay at home full time mom who entertains his boss at a drop of a hat and he never expects to lift a finger at home because he works hard at work; then you might want to think about what you would think is "fair" for that scenario. He should think about it too.
Again, these are real life scenarios that you should address straight up and discuss. He might not realize what he is asking of his future wife and when he thinks things through he might see a better way.
Good luck!View Thread



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