My question is why is it taking so long for him to get a divorce? I understand custody battles can drag it out, but they've been going through this for a few years now apparently. Are you sure he actually wants a divorce? Are you sure the current status of separation and custody arrangement isn't suiting him just fine? If his last court date was a year ago, it's quite surprising he hasn't gotten a final order. I'm sorry, but I have to wonder if he is being truthful with you.
As far as getting a job, have you looked to your community college as a potential source for leads? They may have an office that helps with placement, usually there are bulletin boads at college where jobs are posted also. Have you tried looking into temporary services? Employment agencies? Posting your resume on monster.com? Sometimes just taking a job you don't really want as a stop-gap measure can give a boost of confidence while looking for something else. Yes, I'm talking about McDonald's and the like. Even something for just a few weeks, holiday help, will at least bring in a little extra for you.
As far as support groups...my idea would be to look for those who are geared toward helping people get through a divorce. Some churches sponser them. You might also look into a co-dependecy group. I'm not sure if that is an issue for you, but it might be.
This exactly why YOU need counseling too An _24. The goal of counseling is to heal. You don't have to be in all sessions, he should have private ones. If you don't want to discuss the issues in your marriage in counseling, you are essentially sticking your head in the sand.View Thread
It would be in your SIL's best interest if she spent some time looking at her past relationships and determining if there is a pattern. Sometimes we unconsciously choose similar people, or create dynamics in a relationship that are familiar to us. If SIL has a history of choosing men who prove to be verbally abusive for example, she needs to understand what characteristics these men share that draws her to them. If she can recognize those characteristics when she meets someone who has them, she has a better chance of steering clear.
There are dozens of self-help books out there on dating, relationships and doing "self-work" so that a future relationship will have a better outcome. This would be an ideal time for your SIL to hit the public library and see what's available.View Thread
My suggestion is that you don't go with him to counseling "every once in awhile to see what strides he's making", but make counseling a priority for BOTH of you. That is you each have separate sessions with the counselor, as well as sessions together.
He needs to understand why he would jeopardize your relationship this way. You need to find a way to deal with the rollercoaster emotions you are experiencing and get back to a place of trust. I know you think this is HIS problem to work on, but if you want to stay in this marriage - and make it stronger - you need to see it as a joint effort.
I know how tough this is, best of luck in working things out.View Thread
I think there are people who have issues to such a degree that make them difficult partners. Mental illnesses, anger management, some physical/health challenges can make others shy away from having a relationship with them.
I think it can be harder for some people to find someone they genuinely connect to than it seems to be for others. It could be a matter of choosing the wrong people. Or not recognizing the right people. It could be a matter of just not meeting enough people - if your social/family circle is small, if your life is going to work, watching tv, going to bed, repeat -you are less likely to be exposed to people you might connect with.
People in relationships know there are so many comprises made, sometimes on a daily basis. I think some people find making those compromises difficult and find being in a relationship a struggle. People who are flexible seem to have an easier time of it opposed to those who get very upset if everything isn't "their way".
As far as your SIL goes, it's not uncommon for people to want to focus on being happy single after a breakup. Being happily single is sometimes looked at as being odd in our couple-oriented society, but I would say it's healthy. Healthier than staying miserable in a relationship year after year. Healthier than bouncing from one relationship right into another, and another, and another out of some kind of fear of being single.
And who knows? If your SIL finds she is happy single, one day she might just connect with another happy single. Happens. View Thread
I agree with the counseling suggestion, and that your feelings are unlikely to go away on their own. Your wife needs to understand why she had a need for this kind of attention, and why she would let it potentially destroy your relationship. You need to be able to have confidence that she would never want to such a thing again. You need a neutral third party to help the two of you dig deep about what allowed this to happen.View Thread
"I've learned not to put more energy into someone's life than they are willing to put in themselves."
I don't read this forum as much as I used to, but when I participated alot I would get frustrated with some of the posters who I felt didn't really want advice, just wanted their own opinion validated.View Thread