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Couples Coping Support Group

If you need a place to discuss, get feedback, or some advise on relationship, ... more

Big Changes...

hi everybody! firstly, just want to apologize in advance for terrible punctuation/grammar....

Posted by 3point14

hi everybody! firstly, just want to apologize in advance for terrible punctuation/grammar. posting from my cell, and its a little arduous.
soo, yeah, if you dont know my "situation" i'm a 24 year old woman in a really happy,healthy relationship with a 25 year old man. no kids, we've been together for just over 3 years with normal amounts of turmoil but for the most part, darn happy.we recently had a huge lifestyle change when my gram found us a house to rent. its less expensive than our former apartment on the rent, and this is the first time in my life i've ever not lived in an apartment. i'm really, really happy about the whole thing, and we literally juuuust got done moving.

the only thing is, we're going to be combining our funds for this house. it just makes more sense, we've talked about it endlessly and we have the same financial goals: to get the most bang for our buck with every dollar, and put a ton of money towards the house. even though we dont "own" it, this house is a massive deal to both of us and we want to make it gorgeous. we've already done a ton of painting and work on it, and are working together to make a functional budget.

but, because I grew up super poor, combining money has been stressing me out badly. i love him, i trust him, i don't see us breaking up anytime soon...but i make a little bit more than he does, and theres this part of my brain that just wants to cry every time i think about our budget. i dont think im going to wind up carrying more of the burden or anything...i think it's just that ive come so far from how my life used to be that i'' just petrified hes going to mess me up financially. hes gotten SO good about money and communication is key...but theres this little anxiety-monster that insists "well yeah of course he wanted to combine funds, he makes less than you do".

i dont know, i feel like i'm explaining myself poorly...basically i logiclaly "get" that moving into a house together and putting our money together is like, the kissing-cousin to being "married" and i just have really, really conflicting feelings about that. theres nobody else i want to spend the rest of my life with, but like, i've always liked our relationship because we were together but separate. we spend a lot of time not around each other and have different friends. i'd always said that even if we got married, my money was mine and his was his, but pragmatically this is going to make my life so much easier.

i just feel weird about the whole thing, and whenever i try to explain it to him i feel like i'm being insulting. i think i mostly have a problem with the degree of change i'm experiencing, and the lack of real-world advice i have.my parents are very supportive of all this, but they see it as a stepping-stone to their baby girl getting married. it probably on some level is.this is terrible to admit, but i've been proposed to like eight times, and i've always said yes because those people didn't super matter to me. i fear this relationship because it's so high stakes. as we get more "serious" i have more to theoretically lose, and once my money gets tangled in that, i just fear so badly that if things go wrong, i'll just be nothing.

i have a hard enough time depending on him emotionally. i've gotten better about it, but it's still really hard for me. to have him have veto power on purchases, or to have to take his opinion into account...it just freaks me out. it requires a lot of trust, and while i trust him deeply...if i'm being real with myself, i'm scared. i never thought he'd want to stay with me for so long, and get so committed. i'm so honored that he does, but its still a huge weight. i don't want to disappoint or be disappointed...
basically, i'm sitting in a new house with a new life stretched out in front of me, waiting for me to grab it, and i'm intimidated as hell...am i being dumb? over-analyzing the fun out of this whole experience?View Thread

Posted by3point14

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Big Changes... hi everybody! firstly, just want to apologize in advance for terrible punctuation/grammar....

Reply: Pi?

hey hey Guard/guys kristin mentioned you were lookin' after me, so just thought i'd pop...

Posted by 3point14

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Pi? hey hey Guard/guys kristin mentioned you were lookin' after me, so just thought i'd pop...

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You don't sound like you like your husband very much. Is he possessive besides (maybe)...

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4 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Keylogging You don't sound like you like your husband very much. Is he possessive besides (maybe)...

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He may still technically be there, but if he's seeing someone else, threatens to leave all...

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5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:one affair follows another He may still technically be there, but if he's seeing someone else, threatens to leave all...

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A healthy, happy relationship isn't one where both parties play the tit for tat game....

Posted by 3point14

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Been 2 years since emotional affair and husband still wont touch me....HELP A healthy, happy relationship isn't one where both parties play the tit for tat game....

Reply: LOOKING FOR LOVE.....

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. I can't imagine how hard it's been on you and your...

Posted by 3point14

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:LOOKING FOR LOVE..... I'm so sorry you lost your husband. I can't imagine how hard it's been on you and your...

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5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:That time of year again... Music can definitely be a big trigger for me too, I totally feel ya on that. Are there any...

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((hugs)) Words are so insubstantial, but know that my heart goes out to you. It's ok to...

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5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:That time of year again... ((hugs)) Words are so insubstantial, but know that my heart goes out to you. It's ok to...

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You're giving your kids a bad childhood by exposing them to a man that beats you. And what...

Posted by 3point14

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:i don't know where to start You're giving your kids a bad childhood by exposing them to a man that beats you. And what...

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Do you really want your kids growing up thinking that physical abuse is understandable? Do...

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7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:i don't know where to start Do you really want your kids growing up thinking that physical abuse is understandable? Do...

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