You don't have to feel ashamed about your thoughts, to start. They're just thoughts and we can't help where our mind goes. But what you can help is your actions, and when you say you "can't" stop texting the other man who wants to have sex with you, you're just making excuses for your behavior. It's not that you can't stop, it's that you don't want to stop.
There's nothing inherently wrong, I don't think, with wanting a deep sexual connection with your husband, but it's not something that just happens. Why don't you talk to him about the fact that you don't orgasm? Why not tell him how disconnected you feel? It would destroy him if he knew how unhappy you were? Nope, it probably wouldn't. What's more likely to destroy him is you cheating on him with a "friend" of yours, without him even knowing anything is wrong. If you both don't discuss what's going on, how is your relationship supposed to get better?
If what you want is to have sex with other people, then you owe your husband honesty. Have you ever talked about having an open relationship with him? Would you be willing to lose the life you've created for more "experience"? I think it's easy when you're in a relationship, with all the ups and downs, to focus on how humdrum it is. What have you done to add passion to your marriage? What could your husband do? Why not just tell him about your needs?
If this is just a "rough patch", you need to stop texting this other man, put your effort into your husband, and at least allow him to try to be the passionate man you want. You need to be honest with him about your expectations of married sex life, and with yourself about what you really want. If however you do want to have sex with other people, at least allow your husband the dignity of not being a chump and tell him that you want to break up. If he's otherwise perfect for you and a generally kind person, the least you can do is free him to find someone who can appreciate him more fully.
I wish you the best of luck. Stuff like this can be really confusing, but with communication and effort, you can make the right decision for yourself and a fair one for your relationship.View Thread
My parents almost broke up after the death of my Mothers dad. Basically, they handle grief differently and both felt like they weren't being supportive. My Dad's the type to talk stuff out and my Mom would shut him up by saying "He was my Dad". My Mom's the type to want to get life back to "normal" as possible, and seemed callous to my Dad.
Was your dad close to your wife? Maybe she could feel like you're making her feel like an outsider by not acknowledging her grief as well? That could be why she's seemingly selfish about it?
I agree with TML, though. I think you just need to say to your wife "This is exactly what I need right now" and just tell her. What could she do to help ease your grief? Only you can determine if what you're feeling is because of her behavior or if it's your grief, but if nothing else, no a caring partner wouldn't be exacerbating your hurt.
Are you two still seeing a therapist? Maybe bring this up? Maybe see someone alone, get some real "you" time to deal with your grief (pardon if this is too forward) without having to worry if it'll turn into a fight with your wife? You need someone now to talk to, not to be fought with. You need time to process all this, and hopefully be treated more lovingly. Maybe let your wife know how hurt and resentful you are because of all this, if it would make a difference? Just be straightforward "I lost my Dad and having you be unempathetic is making it worse and making me question if I can ever get past this in our relationship".
((huge hugs)) I'm so sorry about your Dad, question. Obviously the board is here for you if you need a place to vent. I'm sorry you're not getting what you want from your wife. I can't imagine how frustrating and hurtful that is.View Thread
BB, I'm so sorry. It sounds like it was for the best, but that's still really tough. ((hugs))
Guard, congrats on the money!! Sounds like your work is satisfying too, if more difficult. You're doing a good thing in these peoples lives.
I confess I'm going on vacation with some friends for the weekend, and I'm looking incredibly forward to it. A jacuzzi, a fireplace, a loft, multiple hiking trails and swimming...My friend is paying for the cabin and all I'm paying for is the food and booze. Really, really excited.
hehehe I sometimes think how cool it would be to see everyone face-to-face on these boards...really interesting to see if peoples' online "voices" reflect their appearance and mannerisms.
hahaha Darlyn, yeah I've been basically nonstop lately, it's all been really good stuff though so it's invigorating rather than draining. I adopted an abused kitty and a lot of my life has been getting her adjust to her new home the last few months, and I'm working on getting back into fulltime school for the fall. *fingers crossed*
Thanks for the nice words everyone, and hope you've all been doing well!View Thread
Ha! That's nice of you. I remember you offering good insight to people, goodguy, you should post more! Goodness knows people need the help.
hahaha I'll pass on the "lucky" comment to M, but really, I'm totally the lucky one. I came home yesterday to a bouquet of my favorite flowers and reservations to my favorite Chinese food place.View Thread
thanks honey. on one shoulder it says "you can do what you want to, whenever you want to" and then the other side is "you can do what you want to, there's no one to stop you". from the elliott smith song "big nothing". it sounds really empowering, but the next line (not part of my tattoo) is "oh, it doesn't mean a thing, big nothing".
kind of a reminder to myself to be fearless, because what i do is so small in compared with the universe.View Thread
hahaha As a weirdo physically, honestly I do worry sometimes that people are being sarcastic when they say nice things. My dermatologist noticed my shoulder tattoos today and read 'em and said "Oh nice" and I said "Follies of youth" and he laughed and said "No, really! They're nice!".