How long have you been apart, and how long does the immigration process take? Your husband is correct, with each day that passes is one less day apart in the long run. Keep the big picture in mind, think of the future.View Thread
From what you have written it sounds as though those past issues were quite significant or huge that they would still be haunting the marriage to this day. Or is it possibily stubborn personalities? Have you mentioned your fears and concerns to your spouse? Without any further detail, as stevesmw mentioned, finding the right fit with/for a counselor is key. Is it possible for the two of you to have individual sessions or counselor prior to entering marriage counseling?View Thread
You didn't mention how old the two of you are. Either way, funny things happen to us as we get older. Perhaps she is merely relishing in the fact that it is just the two of you now with the children being in college. Why not just run with it.?.View Thread
It probably will take more time than the past week. Keep doing what you are doing. You will have comfort knowing that you have done everything within your power to reconcile. At the same time, caring and loving that you are being, don't let him cross over your personal boundaries where he may think he can mistreat you or be disrespectful towards you because you are making changes. Some people will try to take advantage of the other during times like these.
Well, we all would like to live comfortably in our senior yrs. Have you thought of keeping things as is and investing what's in the savings in a retirement fund? Or simply keep adding to the savings? As long as it's a taxfree bearing acct. If you can add 'atleast' $100.00/mo. to the mortgage, by the time your 65yo, thinking your age is 55yo now, that's $12000.00 off the mortgage.View Thread
There may be nothing you can do at this point, who knows except for possibly him. So prepare for the worst, get yourself to an acceptance point. If it was me I would calmly, humbly and confidently and briefly explain to him the realization of my behaviors and that I am going to do something about it. Tell him what materials you have gotton to help you and that you realize he needs to 'see' change as well as to hear of it. That's it, then immediately start showing him this change. You may also benefit from looking into some co-dependent material for yourself. A woman who is humbly confident and self sufficient is attractive to a man.
Actions speak louder than words. We can apologize over and over, but if our actions don't change, the words are meaningless. So if I were you I would make the effort to consistently, day after day, put or replace those words into an action(s). Become more involved with him and the children, as best you can with your situation. Greet them warmly with a smile and saying their name, touch their shoulder or what not with your hand, reach for his hand as if to hold it for a brief moment. Suggest a movie night at home or game night or ask him to play a game of cards. Write down 'sweet nothing' notes or get him some cheaper loving cards.
PS. What type of farm(ing) do you have/do? Have you considered any dietary changes that might make or take it easier on your digestive system? What about aroma or musical therapy as a thought? A luxurious bath, maybe with Chamomile and/or Lavender?
Another thought I'd like to share, I just recently got a membership at a therapy center, it's set up like a gym and the Curves facilities, yet it has physical therapists on staff and the atmosphere is unlike that of a gym or Curves, more serene in nature. I can't wait to get started, it'll be my me time, to feel good about myself and life in general and take care of my health.View Thread
It sounds as though you have faith in your counselor, and I hope your husband feels the same way. I'm very glad he was able to support you during that difficult time. Gives you an idea of his dedication, commitment and love for you to overcome this.
I'm guessing the OW sent such a text to put feelers out to see where you are or stand so far in this. That's sometimes how people do it, to see where and how you are without accepting responsibility. Or I could read it as somewhat of an apology when she texted stating that she was probably the last person you want hear from, and she was remembering a happy event with you which may be tearing her up with some guilt. It's anybodys guess, I don't know anything about her. Is there any way you can block her texts or calls, even temporarily? I don't think you need to concern yourself with that end of this any time soon.
Do you find yourself reaching out for reassureance in some ways to your husband? Like the moments that you feel a need for a hug and some closeness, that he's there for you by your side where he feels your pain and wishes or wants to take it all away. Comfort. Has something similar to this come up during your sessions/appts, even showing care and concern by reaching out and hold the others hand? Or maybe nows not the time for that.View Thread
I agree with FCL, don't avoid or skip steps in this healing process. You need to be able to cry to get past this stage of grief. I wondered if the couples/marriage counseling may be happening a bit too soon, before you were ready from a personal stand point. Have you tried meditation?
I think it's possible that there's a part of you that is screaming inside of you, wanting to 'spill the beans' with them and get it out of your system that is fighting the other part of you that may be feeling shame, as well as caring not to burden them in their current situation. Like you're all alone, not having anyone to share this with, bounce things off of, or a support system. I'm understanding that you are very close with this part of the family, and maybe you are feeling somewhat guilty for 'not' sharing this with them(although for the right reason).
As wonderful and thoughtful of a gift that they gave you, I can understand your mixed feelings surrounding it. As quickly as we would like to get past or get through something like this, it still takes some time to process and heal. Believe it or not even for some couples that have seperated from the same issue.
Just a thought, how is your health in general otherwise? Are there other possible variants that maybe intensifying or adding things to this for you? Do you exercise? What are you doing for you personally, get that good feeling about you sort of things?View Thread
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