There may be nothing you can do at this point, who knows except for possibly him. So prepare for the worst, get yourself to an acceptance point. If it was me I would calmly, humbly and confidently and briefly explain to him the realization of my behaviors and that I am going to do something about it. Tell him what materials you have gotton to help you and that you realize he needs to 'see' change as well as to hear of it. That's it, then immediately start showing him this change. You may also benefit from looking into some co-dependent material for yourself. A woman who is humbly confident and self sufficient is attractive to a man.
Actions speak louder than words. We can apologize over and over, but if our actions don't change, the words are meaningless. So if I were you I would make the effort to consistently, day after day, put or replace those words into an action(s). Become more involved with him and the children, as best you can with your situation. Greet them warmly with a smile and saying their name, touch their shoulder or what not with your hand, reach for his hand as if to hold it for a brief moment. Suggest a movie night at home or game night or ask him to play a game of cards. Write down 'sweet nothing' notes or get him some cheaper loving cards.
PS. What type of farm(ing) do you have/do? Have you considered any dietary changes that might make or take it easier on your digestive system? What about aroma or musical therapy as a thought? A luxurious bath, maybe with Chamomile and/or Lavender?
Another thought I'd like to share, I just recently got a membership at a therapy center, it's set up like a gym and the Curves facilities, yet it has physical therapists on staff and the atmosphere is unlike that of a gym or Curves, more serene in nature. I can't wait to get started, it'll be my me time, to feel good about myself and life in general and take care of my health.View Thread
It sounds as though you have faith in your counselor, and I hope your husband feels the same way. I'm very glad he was able to support you during that difficult time. Gives you an idea of his dedication, commitment and love for you to overcome this.
I'm guessing the OW sent such a text to put feelers out to see where you are or stand so far in this. That's sometimes how people do it, to see where and how you are without accepting responsibility. Or I could read it as somewhat of an apology when she texted stating that she was probably the last person you want hear from, and she was remembering a happy event with you which may be tearing her up with some guilt. It's anybodys guess, I don't know anything about her. Is there any way you can block her texts or calls, even temporarily? I don't think you need to concern yourself with that end of this any time soon.
Do you find yourself reaching out for reassureance in some ways to your husband? Like the moments that you feel a need for a hug and some closeness, that he's there for you by your side where he feels your pain and wishes or wants to take it all away. Comfort. Has something similar to this come up during your sessions/appts, even showing care and concern by reaching out and hold the others hand? Or maybe nows not the time for that.View Thread
I agree with FCL, don't avoid or skip steps in this healing process. You need to be able to cry to get past this stage of grief. I wondered if the couples/marriage counseling may be happening a bit too soon, before you were ready from a personal stand point. Have you tried meditation?
I think it's possible that there's a part of you that is screaming inside of you, wanting to 'spill the beans' with them and get it out of your system that is fighting the other part of you that may be feeling shame, as well as caring not to burden them in their current situation. Like you're all alone, not having anyone to share this with, bounce things off of, or a support system. I'm understanding that you are very close with this part of the family, and maybe you are feeling somewhat guilty for 'not' sharing this with them(although for the right reason).
As wonderful and thoughtful of a gift that they gave you, I can understand your mixed feelings surrounding it. As quickly as we would like to get past or get through something like this, it still takes some time to process and heal. Believe it or not even for some couples that have seperated from the same issue.
Just a thought, how is your health in general otherwise? Are there other possible variants that maybe intensifying or adding things to this for you? Do you exercise? What are you doing for you personally, get that good feeling about you sort of things?View Thread
I like questons` idea of creating a joint account where you both deposit a certain amt of money each pay period and use that for the household expenses. It seems as though in essence the two of you are/were already doing so previously by sharing expenses. Taking small steps like this towards your future goals together I would think will help lessen the anxiety and stress you are experiencing. Just take things slow and I'm sure he understands and appreciates your position on this.
You mentioned that you have no one to help you, do you mean that you live that far away from family? What about your friendships?
I think it would be in your and your daughters best interest if you did go to some counseling. Not necessarily for your marriage, for yourself and inturn for your daughter. It could better able you to sort some of these things out for you and her.
Have you filed for the divorce yet? Have you had the initial hearing yet(if one is required)?
If you have already made up your mind for certain that you will not be returning to the marriage or relationship without any doubts or chance for regret, then why not. It does sound as though you may be jumping from the pan into the fire some, and at the same time only you know how you feel deep down. Why not just hang out with friends or as friends?View Thread
Thanx for sharing that. We can be our own worst enemy at times, as far as making time for some things. When we look back at the different phases of our lives, I'm sure many of us remember thinking to ourselves 'Didn't think of this coming up'. We see these things happening all around us, and are still oblivious to it.View Thread
Hey Guard! Wow, that's a tough one. Not sure how I would handle this. First thought I'd have I guess would be a talk with him(probably more like a threat) of not repeating his past behaviors with your daughter and then the possible repercussions of working together and your sense of betrayal. And then perhaps a gentle heads up conversation with the daughter(although I think you covered that in the past generally speaking of inside the mind and body of a guy).
Yes, some people, or rather couples, can recover from their partner having an affair. As to how long the process takes as a whole, is completely individualized.
Did or have you had some counseling to help you identify with the healing process and learn coping strategies? What steps have you and your husband taken to repair your marriage after this happened? Without resentment, how does your husband otherwise in general behave, view, feel and think of your relationship/marriage and the like towards the children?
It's not uncomon for certain events to trigger a persons emotions, bring flashbacks and almost like re-living everything all over again.
Has your husband shown you remorse? Has he and/or is he putting an effort into rebuilding or regaining your trust?View Thread