I have been in your situation from the victims side.
I have a cousin who was being molested and raped by a friend of his father's. His csa happened for about 2 years. During this time (he was 12) he started to re-inact everything to me that was being done to him (I was 7).
My csa for roughly a year, it came to end when he confided in me what was happening to him. He had no idea what to do (he was only 12), he was confused. He thought he had done something wrong. He had no idea why his father continued to be friends with this man (note: they *didn't* know what was happening to him). In his mind, the fact that he had stopped talking to his father shouldv'e been enough for his father to realize what was happening (once again... he was only 12).
I told him that I promised wouldn't tell anyone *if* he told his parents within that week. Well, I didn't keep my promise. I told my parents, who then told his parents. This happened about two days later.
My parents immediately took action, they had me in couseling for it. I had begun holding the belief tha if I had kept quiet and continued to allow my cousin to molest me that it would somehow save him. I felt very guilty, and still do to this day for betraying him in that aspect. Everyday I sit and wonder if I had just kept my promise and stayed silent for a few more days if he wouldv'e told his parents. He swore to me he was going to tell them that weekend.
His parents instead of getting him the professional help he needed after suffing through that decided to play the "blame game". His mother blamed his father for having the guy as a friend (even though no one knew the man was capable of doing anything to that effect). His father blamed his mother for not paying enough attention to their son. Sadly, they ended up divorcing. Which he (my cousin) felt was his fault for telling me what happened. I then felt like it was my fault for telling me parents.
I am still in couseling for what happened for a number of reasons. Sometimes I find myself having feelings of hatred for my cousin because of what he did to me. I have mixed-emotions concerning my parents from time to time because I tend to revert to that child-hood mindset of *they should've known*. I know it's completely illogical, but csa leaves scars like this on you.
My cousin's mother decided to leave with her son, he never received the proper help he needed. Now, he's a 30 yr old man with two daughters that he *never* lets out of his sight. He is overly protective. To the extent where he had gotten physical with many people because they "looked at his daughters the wrong way". He went to jail once for beating a guy simply because the man said they were some beautiful girls (this is back when they were about 2 -3 years old.
His parents did *exactly* what you and your boyfriend are doing. If the son did molest the 3 yr old (note: I said molest... not be curious... there is a difference). Then instead of just shunning him like he's a 30 yr old pedophile. You two should go and get him professional help. You two don't know *why* this has happened.
I'm sure your boyfriend doesn't think one child is more important than the other, but the fact is. Both are his children. He knows that right now the 3 yr old is safe, the threat is out the way. Now, he probably doesn't know *how* to handle this. Hell, he may even be going through some self-denial.
Someone posted a thread recently talking about if you should put your spouse or your child first. Almost everyone in that thread said "If the parents have a good relationship, then the child will flourish" in so many words. However, during an emergency (like a burning building) most said they would save the child first THEN their spouse.
Both of his children were in a burning house. The 3 yr old made it out safely with some burns. The 9 yr old however is about to die from smoke inhalation. And if seems as if you want your boyfriend to leave him in there.
"I would HATE for my hypothetical kids to sit down and watch a movie where a woman struggles really hard against a bad situation all by herself. I don't want to see it, and I don't want a theoretical four year old seeing it either. It's not entertaining."
LOL, why don't *we* just go ahead and say "future" kids and get it out the way.
Ah! Never Fear! For The Hunchback of Notre Dame portrayed *exactly* what it is you want to see.
1) The woman (Esmeralda) actually saved Quasimoto (the man) first. They were humiliating him in the town square because of his physical deformities, and she (being the *Gypsy* outcast) stood up to everyone. Not only did she help Quasimoto up and cut him loose from the ropes that held him down she *deliberately* made fools of all the guards and the head man in charge be beating them up (in a funny Disney way of course). She did it out of compassion.
2) Then Quasimoto returned the favor and helped save her from someone who was hunting her down by helping her escape the church. Sure, he had a crush on her because she was beautiful, but the movie portrays him as doing it because he doesn't want her locked up like a caged animal (the way he's been locked up all his life)
3) At the end Quasimoto saves Esmeralda *and* some blond haired, blue-eyed guard from death because of the compassion he has in his heart.
Maybe it's not exactly what you were looking for, but it's close!View Thread
Daughters, lock up your mothers! I'm single again!
As far as my day-to-day is I'm very happy, more than content actually.
In addition to the *anger* issues I have, my parents also set very high, often unrealistic goals for themselves... and I find myself often doing the same thing. Of course now they're relaxed because they have accomplished what they wanted. I haven't yet... atleast not fully.
I'll just have to handle it like I do my anger, a little is good. Wallow around in a bucket full of it from time to time. But don't go overboard... unhealthy.
I went to go pick up the cake for my Uncles b-day last week when it hit me that I'll be 26 this year.
What really hit me after that was that I'll be 30 in four years.
Suddenly, I'm worried/concerned if I'm going to do everything that I want/need to do. I'm very upset about my housing situation as I am still renting a townhome and I had plans to be buying by the time I turned 25.
I'm still in my LPN status (as I was hoping to be *atleast* past that by this age). So that's eating a me a bit.
I'm basically out of luck concerning going FTS... very disappointed.
I love my son more than my own life, but I'm having this illogical mindset that it will just be me and him for the rest of my life. Not something I'm looking forward to...
I ran this past my parents, both of them being in their 50's just laughed me off. I know my mindset at this moment is very illogical, but it's bothering me nontheless.
One of my most recent romantic interest has the sides of her wrist pierced (loop piercings) and she has a skull chain link through them. So, it's like she has a bracelet on 24/7. It's pretty cool.View Thread
Daughters, lock up your mothers! I'm single again!