Your husband's behavior that you describe is reprehensible, but th a e behavior that this thread was about was men looking at pictures of women in bikinis. Do you consider that porn? Inherently disrespectful to one's wife?
I must admit I don't get that attitude. Heck, if we're watching show where they show a good looking guy's butt or something, I'll rewind it if my wife missed it, since I assume it's something she'd like to see. I really don't see where the fact that I like seeing an attractive woman in a bikini has anything to do with my marriage (or with the kind of behavior you described in your post).View Thread
I'm glad you guys are working some stuff out, but this seems like a pretty good deal to me.
No, we shouldn't have to be pretentious with our spouses, but we should be willing to keep our appearance and behavior up for them at least to a minimal degree, which he seems unwilling to do.
On the manscaping issue, I think that people (male or female) who shave/wax/trim/whatever their pubic hair often do so on the hope that they'll get more oral that way. If He doesn't care much about that, you may be swimming against the tide on that one.
I think you really have two choices. You can either let all of this go, or you can tell them that these are really important issues for you, and you need him to make some changes. The other option is not really an option--to continue stewing about it and letting it tear you up inside.
I have some similar issues with my wife. For example, she'll work out and not shower or even change her drawers afterward. If we're having sex later, that kindof grosses me out slightly. (Or, more accurately, I just wish she were willing to lift a finger to make the experience better for me.) But, honestly, I've just pretty-much let that go. I'd rather have sex "her way" than not at all--these are things I can let go.
BTW, hockey games have three periods, not four quarters View Thread
Ack! I just typed a very long response and it was eaten...
I think you probably both feel like the other is more-or-less ignoring the most important thing that's happening right now: for him, it's his firing and the ensuing meltdown, for you, it;s the pregnancy and the fact that you will soon be parents. We all tend to prioritize the thing that is happening *to us* over the thing that is happening to someone else.
Spouses talk past each other on stuff like this all the time, but you happen to have three very high-stakes issues going on at once. Usually it's about stuff like who will do the laundry.
Just FYI, getting fired tends to be viewed differently by men and women. Men are far more likely to see their worth as a human being bound up primarily in their job, their image as a person that is successful at what they do, and their ability to provide for a family. It's not at all unusual for some sort of emotional meltdown to follow losing one's job, especially for a man.
You (understandably) may just have too much on your plate right now to make empathizing with him much of a priority.
Is there any outside party, like a clergy person or counselor, that could maybe help you both see things from the other person's perspective?View Thread
OK--you seem a little defensive. No one here is attacking you. We're just asking questions in order to better understand the situation you are in.
Have you considered backing out of the house purchase? It's a very unfortunate convergence of events: him getting fired, the house purchase, and the baby coming soon.
You're going through a bunch of huge things at once. Getting fired is a really big deal, emotionally and financially. Obviously, he's not dealing with it well. And having a baby is obviously a really big deal, too.
How were things before he got fired? You said you've had arguments in the past--were those the kind of garden variety arguments everyone has, or serious marital problems?
I might suggest working toward clearly-defined outcomes, rather than vaguely-defined ones like "motivation for our marriage and future child". I assume that what you really want from him in the short term is for him to stop getting high and get a job. How about telling him that those two things are the prerequisite for your marriage continuing?View Thread
My wife (we are in our late 40s) will fairly frequently say something like "Man, I really need to lose ten pounds." For example, she said it to me at the gym last night while we were walking a cool-down lap after elliptical sessions.
But then, an hour later, she's asking me to pick up some ice cream on my way home from my rehearsal.
So, what's a husband supposed to say? Losing the ten pounds would be a lot more likely, for example, if she laid off the ice cream, but I'm sure as heck not going to say that.
Some background: Yes, she'd look better and probably feel better about herself if she lost 10, but it's honestly not that a big deal to me. She looks good to me, and is certainly not fat by middle-aged woman standards, has "correct" proportions, etc
I usually just say nothing when she says that. I want to be supportive of her goal if it's important to her, but it just seems like anything I say will be the wrong thing.
Some possible responses, all of which seem bad to me:
"You sure do, lardass" (I prefer not to practice celibacy.)
"No you don't--you look perfect just as you are." (I do think she looks good, but this one is obviously disingenuous)
"You look great for your age." (True, but not what any woman longs to hear.)
"Well, if that's important to you, then let's cut down the carbs and the ice cream, and maybe you need to ramp up your exercise regimen a little." (Patronizing) [br>[br>Thoughts? Is it best to just remain silent in this scenario?View Thread