Does he seem to be aware of his behavioral change? I assume you have brought it up to him--what does he say about it?
My kids are 23, 21, and 19. We also did foster care (of teens) for a few years, so we were a multiple teenager household up until a few years ago. Raising teenagers is hard and can really take its toll on parents. My wife and I had much more marital strife in those years, and seeing a counselor was very helpful. (Not the first one we went to, though--we had to shop around a little,)
It sounds like counseling needs to be in the immediate future, perhaps for him alone and for the two of you together. If he's unwilling, then maybe you need to let him know how important this is to you by explaining that you will seriously consider ending the marriage if it doesn't happen.View Thread
Ok, I agree that An_264072's response was misdirected, but from the tiny amount of information we have, it does sound to me like you're more of the problem than you realize. (Well, of course you are, since you seem to feel that you are responsible for 0% of the problem.)
A successful marriage, even under the best circumstances, desperately needs some mutual admiration. Whenever we start feeling that our spouse is lucky to have us (and not that we are lucky to have them), trouble is brewing.
Yours is, of course, not in the best of circumstances, obviously. You say that you are his saving grace? Is he yours? If you can't answer that question with an emphatic "yes," then your own attitude is a major part of the problem, IMHO.
If there's no way that your attitude could ever come around, then it sounds like you need to seriously consider ending the marriage.View Thread
There's really no way to answer without knowing more about why your partner has suggested couples therapy, but, of course, many couples seek counseling together and it does not lead to the relationship ending.
Not all counsellors are created equal or are equally a good for for any given couple, BTW. Don't be afraid to try more an one. We saw one that was useless a few years ago. I later started seeing a therapist on my own, and she recommended that I bring my wife with me for a few sessions. Those were very helpful (I might not be overdramatizing too much to say they saved our marriage).View Thread
Our youngest is attending the local university, but is living in the dorm.
There was a time I sincerely questioned whether my marriage would last to this milestone, but things have improved significantly.
My wife's interest in sex is pretty limited these days--for several years, the kids being around "cramping our style" has been her go-to excuse about our dull sex life: I guess we'll find out now if that was a legit thing or just an excuse. (My money is on the latter.)
Anyway, I can tell already that we'll be together more and interactiong more. That's a good thing in my book--I'm not sure what her feelings on that we'll be, as she's more fiercely independent than I am.View Thread
I agree that getting to know this friend better is probably key. Do the three of you do things together? Have your insecurities lead you to be unkind to this friend? (You may not be the person in the best position to answer this.) If so, then begin by sincerely apologizing to her, explaining why you have acted the way you have, and asking if you can make a fresh start, and so on.View Thread
It's possible that he is asexual or is not the sexual orientation that you/he thinks he is.
(You didn't say if you are male or female, so I'm being deliberately vague here in the interest of inclusivity.)
I know someone, for example, who is a bisexual male. He can and does feel romantic attraction to men, but is not really sexually attracted to them. This stuff can be complicated: romantic attraction usually coincides with sexual attraction, but not always.
I assume you have discussed all of this with him...what does he say?
What was your sexual relationship like before you got married?View Thread
This was a throw-away conversation, but I found her comment to be pretty hurtful. She's said a lot of things I found to be pretty hurtful in the past, so maybe I'm back projecting/over-reacting. Tell me what you think.
Background: we are 50-ish and have been married 27 years. The last 10 have been a little rough, but things have improved a lot. Except in the bedroom, where I'm pretty frustrated with the infrequency of sex and her relatively low level of investment when we do have sex. (She's uninvested in romance, generally.)
She says something about Cristiano Ronald being in some "sexiest man" contest or something. (She saw it in the newspaper.) Our 18-year-old son (not a fan of Ronaldo) says something like "He might win, only if he f---s all the judges."
Her response "I'll be a judge!"
Now, I'm not the jealous type. But this seems like a pretty darn rude thing to say in the presence of your husband, whom you rarely have sex with. To me it says, "You might have thought I was uninterested in sex, but I'm really just uninterested in sex WITH YOU. If it were someone younger, hotter, richer..."
It's likely that she just simply meant to express that she thinks he's hot, which wouldn't bother me in the least. I don't care how she gets hungry, as long as she eats at home. But that's the issue--she only eats at home once or twice a month (and like it's a chore on her to-do list.)
What do you think? Forget about it, or tell her how hurtful I thought this was?View Thread
I assume the D&C was after a miscarriage? It is certainly normal for women to experience a decrease in libido after a pregnancy, while emotions and hormones work their way back to normal. How long ago was that?
Is she bisexual, or was the affair just more of an "experiment?" Did you know before the affair that she was bisexual (assuming that she is)? That might be more of a shock that just the affair on it's own.View Thread