That's why you consult an attorney. Most states in the US have fairly comprehensive community-property laws: meaning that whatever is owned by one spouse is owned by both spouses in the eyes of the law, regardless of whose name the account or item is in.
Look, I'm not saying that you should just go straight for divorce. But you should use the leverage you have to improve your marriage. From what you've said, your husband doesn't seem like the kind of person who would just agree to go to counseling, make changes, share power, etc. And you have to start by knowing what your options are.View Thread
"Its frustrating because we are not poor! In fact, we are sitting very well, financially - no debt whatsoever and substantial savings and investments."
I think you have put your finger on what, to be blunt, is important to him.
If you were to divorce him, half of those resources would be yours. Maybe you need to remind him of that?
Seriously, I think the two of you need professional counseling--badly. My advice would be to invite him to participate with you with the understanding that if he chooses not to , you will be consulting with a divorce attorney.View Thread
How about just being very honest? Hug and say "I wish I felt as safe and comforted in your arms as I used to. I hope that I will again some day."
Honestly, that's the main reason I started posting here some years ago--I was having some marital issues and didn't really have any confidant IRL other than my wife that I could discuss it with.View Thread
The TV thing does sound a little controlling, but here's the sentence that really stuck out to me:
"He wants to do something with me every single weekend so we'll usually go walking or shopping."
You say that as if you think it's unusual or a burden to you (unless I'm misreading you). I would think that doing *some* thing together every weekend (unless someone is out of town or something) would be a minimal basic expectation for married couples. The two of you may be operating under very different assumptions about this sort of thing.
Whether I or anyone else thinks he's controlling is really not important--clearly you feel that way, and that is what matters. Have you considered seeking counseling together to talk about that? Do you talk to him about it? (I mean outside the heat of the moment, when you're angry about this or that specific thing.)View Thread
What do the two of you do together when you are home? He may be controlling, or maybe he values that companionship time more than you realize.
My wife and I are a little younger than you--our youngest child is still at home (he is 16), we both work full-time, and both have other pursuits. So our companionship time can be limited sometimes. I notice that this bothers me more than it bothers my wife. To me, it is a high priority to leave some time for companionship with her. To her, it is more like what just happens sometimes when we both happen to be home. I'm not controlling--I want my wife to be healthy and happy and to take care of herself mentally and physically and emotionally, and to have pursuits of her own. But I also want to spend time with her.
Or maybe he's just controlling, I don't know. Have you asked him? We had a counselor once recommend scheduling at least 30 minutes of one-on-one companionship every day. It could be walking the dogs, doing the dishes together, sex, whatever, but it's 30 minutes that you both set aside for being together. That was very helpful advice for us.View Thread
Well, obviously you know your husband way more than I do. But I see a distinct possibility that he feels guilty about not being in her life, he realizes that you disapprove, and he's saying what will make both him and you feel better about the situation.
Or maybe he's really committed to being in her life, I don't know. But I think it'd be best not to make any contact until *you* know. And it'd probably be best to wait for *him* to be the one to make contact, which he probably wouldn't ever do if his heart wasn't truly in it. If I were you. I'd continue to talk to him about it and encourage him, but you can only lead a horse to water...View Thread
I don't really see how you contacting her could possibly end well. You knew when you married him that he had a daughter that he didn't see, right?
For the sake of the child, you or your husband should absolutely not get into contact with her unless is is part of a life-long commitment to be in her life. Right now, it seems extremely unlikely that your husband is there.View Thread
"Your anger and his lack of action will turn into resentment if the two of you can't find commonplace soon."
This is exactly what I meant in my original reply, MCK. You have two choices--either learn to accept it or do something about it. Seething is not a good option.
This is one of those things that sucks for the higher libido partner: we're often faced with the choice of accepting the crumbs that are being offered or risking being shut off even more if we demand something more from our partners, sexually speaking.
The higher-libido partner is virtually always available for sex at the lower-libido partners whim. It's very easy to be taken for granted. I know that the once or twice a year I decline, it seems to really throw my wife for a loop, and, being a bit of a control freak, it seems to make her more determined to make sure it doesn't happen again.
But that's kindof a risky play, if your partner doesn't care (or is maybe even relieved) that you say no.View Thread