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I agree with this, but it appears from the history that this would be very unlikely. Asking this guy for a separation seems a little like leaving a teenager home alone for the weekend. You can tell them not to have a party, but you have to pretty-much accept that they probably will.
And what would the teenager say? "Well, you should have known that this would happen if you left me home alone for the weekend." And, in their bizarre, adolescent mind, they're right, in a way.
I just think that in asking a spouse who has had fidelity issues in the past for a separation (and filing for divorce), you're not being too realistic to be shocked and appalled that he "cheated." That doesn't make it good or thoughtful behavior on his part, but it's certainly not very shocking, and is probably a possible scenario the OP should have accounted for in asking for a separation.View Thread

Honestly, if I were in your husband's position, I would probably consider dating other women. If my wife has ask me (twice, now) for a separation, I can only assume that divorce is very likely. (And you said that you said that you even did file for divorce once.) To be separated is to live as if you are no longer married, right?
You keep saying that he "cheated." I'm just not sure I see it that way, from the information you've given us. (Again, this is not to say that he is blameless for your marital problems or anything.)View Thread

If you asked for a separation, and he slept with another woman during that time, is that really "cheating?"
I'm not saying that it was a thoughtful thing for him to do. But to some extent, didn't you help create the circumstances that led to his behavior, by asking for a separation?
I'm not trying to blame you or anything. But I suspect that you'll have an easier time getting past this when you stop viewing it as something that happened *to you* (as the victim) and start treating it as simply something that happened.View Thread

In this situation, it would have been completely reasonable to say "we'll stop by but we can only stay until (time)." Then, it really doesn't matter whether the tree has been decorated--when the designated time comes, you say your goodbyes. And it needs to be him who takes the lead in establishing these boundaries with his family.
I've always been pleased with the decision my wife and I made to move 2000 miles away from our families after we married, because we mostly avoided this stuff. (Of course, there were other downsides...)
Perhaps a counselor or clergy person (if applicable) could be helpful if he doesn't get this concept on his own.View Thread

Of course, you need to really mean it when you tell him that, and you need to be prepared to follow through if (as I suspect will be the case) he chooses to call your bluff. So don't tell him that until you're ready to follow through.
Le's not make this complicated: if he won't divorce his wife, then he's clearly not completely committed to a future with you. There might be other factors swirling around the margins of the issue, but that's the central reality here.View Thread

Keeping the other person in the loop as to what is going on is *such* an important thing in a relationship. In fact, I just got done having a huge fight with my wife over this exact issue. (And we have been married 25 years.) It's just basic courtesy to communicate to your SO anything that effects them.View Thread

It honestly doesn't sound like there's a lot of love, respect, and admiration here, especially coming from him? Chatting on Ashley Madison? Seriously? (I am a man, BTW, and not all that satisfied with my romantic/sex life. But even still, I would *never* do that to my wife.)
Maybe your daughter is on to something with her lack of remaining patience for him. Maybe a chance to be away from the relationship and realize just how much he's missing out on, and a chance to work on his own issues, would spark some positive change. If not, then you might know at that point that it's time to move on.
Just a thought.View Thread

I think what you can do is make sure she understands how important this is to you. I think (from my male perspective) that it's not all that unusual for this type of imbalance to occur in mothers of very young children: the "mommy" part of their personality becomes so dominant that it literally obliterates the other parts. But it can be very damaging to a marriage.
I think what you can do is tell her very clearly what is happening form your perspective and why it is so important to you. The intimacy is being killed in your marriage. (And sex is a part of intimacy, but just a part.) And if something is not done about it, it will be extremely (and possibly irreversibly) damaging to your relationship.
I always figured there is about a year, after the birth of a child (we have three), where all hell breaks loose, so to speak, and pretty-much everything else is on the back burner. But three years is much too long, in my opinion.View Thread

This way, you and your wife could have some daily alone time, even if it's not in your bed.
This is a really big deal. I thought one of the toughest times as parents was when the kids become teenagers and stay up as late as (or later than) the parents. It's not just that sex is more difficult--it's a broader issue of having that intimate time together, even if you're just collapsing on the couch together while watching TV.View Thread

Is there some medical reason why these pills need to be temporary? It seems like they are working, after all.View Thread
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