I agree with Guard. Your desire for sex and intimacy with your partner is a blessing, not a curse.
The fact that you acknowledge that he doesn't seem to care that your needs and desires are not being met is a big red flag for me. You're at the stage of life when your sex life should be the most effortless it ever will be: you are young, no kids, etc.
If it's an issue now, it's hard for me to imagine it ever not being an issue.View Thread
Your reply (and Steph's) bring me back to my original questions:
Does he understand that you are frustrated, and not having your need for sexual release and intimacy met? (And I agree with Steph--it;s not just about the physical urge, which a person can take care of themselves if they need to. It's also about the intimacy.)
If he does understand this, does he care? How do you think he rationalizes, in his mind, how his choices are effecting you?
You say that sex isn't your top priority, and I understand that. But this is very important--don't feel guilty for feeling that way or try to minimize it. Marriages where one partner's need for intimacy (sexual or otherwise) is perpetually not being met have very little chance of succeeding long term, IMHO.View Thread
MCK--It's certainly not unhealthy for a person to masturbate, even when they have a steady sex partner. But it is very unhealthy for one partner to get their sexual gratification exclusively (or mostly) from masturbation while the other partner is sexually frustrated and their desires are not being met.
Has he shown any inclination to want to change this? Does he understand that you are sexually frustrated? Does he care?View Thread
John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Based on a lot of actual long-term research. This book is very frank about the fact that many differences cannot ever be resolved, but gives very helpful tips for how to honor and respect each other even (especially?) when we disagree.
I've read a fair amount of marriage/relationship books, and this is by far the best. I learned much more useful information from this book than from several expensive marriage counseling sessions. If only I could get my wife to read it.View Thread
There are a couple issues. Our daughter (16) had some rebellious behavior issues this summer--normal 16-year-old stuff, but right now we wouldn't trust her to be left alone overnight.
We also have a 16 yo foster daughter, and there are quite a few restrictions in place about in whose care foster children can be left, etc. She could actually go to "respite" foster care for a few days, if we were organized enough to work that out, but it is hard t find respite care in our area.
As far as the other point, that is my big frustration here: who wouldn't want to get away for a few days? She complains a lot about how stressful life is, but she says there isn't anything she wants to do to escape. If she had something that she could do for a few days a year that would help her feel rested and recharged, I'd be encouraging her to do it more often.View Thread
Well, that's part of the problem: we are a four teenager household, so if one of us is out of town, it is anything but peace and quiet for the other who is holding down the fort at home.
(Sometimes one or both of my sons goes hiking with me, though.)
So it really would be an act of self-sacrifice for her to be excited about it for me and encourage me to go. And that's (self-sacrifice) something that I think we've really gotten away from, especially on her part.View Thread
I don't have that kind of friend, that I want to spend time with, so that's not really an issue with me. But in a similar vein, my wife is definitely less than completely supportive of the few days a year I am gone doing something that I absolutely love: backpacking. (I was gone for 5 days this summer, on my only trip of the year this year.) This is a point of contention with us. She does not have any desire to do this with me (I would love it if she did), but I have no intention of letting that stop me from spending a few days a year doing something I love.View Thread