I swear, I think I am at my limit of how much of her crap I can take. This morning my mom tells me that I have no quality of life, that I am ruining my kids childhood- all they will remember is that I was sick all the time, she says my Dr does not know what he is doing b.c I am not getting better, she thinks the tests are a waste of time, she feels I will never be able to hold a job again, that I will always be sick, and that this disease will never go away.
Thanks mom. You made me feel SO much better.
I feel like all I do is apologize to everyone anymore because of this stupid disease.
I spend ALLOT of time crying anymore. I spend ALLOT of time laying on my bed just thinking about how much I hate my life. My husband was angry at me all last week for being sick. Didn't talk to me for 3 days, all while I was sick with an ear infection and sinus infection.
My PCP won't see me b.c my bill is too high and I have no way of paying it down. My GI doesn't have any interest in treating depression, and I can't switch b.c he treats me at no cost. I can't get into any reduced cost clinics in the area for MONTHS. They wait lists are long.
Pain levels in my stomach are high today. I am vomiting up almost everything I am eating even with phenegren- I can keep down ensure and milk. Things are still moving out, I hope they continue to do so.
Is there any end? Where is my support? I am sick of it all. How am I supposed to even try to stay positive when my mom and husband continue to give me crap over al this??
I asked 6 of my family/friends for some help next week getting caught up around my house. I am really struggling right now. I know my husband will probably be upset with me for getting outside help, but I don't know what else to do. So far, I have 2 people who are coming over Monday morning to help with bathrooms, kitchen cabinets, and dusting.
It is very hard for me to ask for help. I asked those who have been asking me if I need anything for months.
Telecanisis (sp?). I want to control objects and people with my mind. Do I have control issues? Yes. I would be like Jean Gray before she became Phoenix (X-men). She was smart, sexy, and had awesome mind control powers. Sweet. Professor Xavier's powers are fine with me too. I also mike Mystic. Shapshifting powers could be VERY useful also.
Or it would be pretty cool to be a Jedi;. Nothing like "The Force". Another mind control method- ha ha ha! I really LOVE Mace Windu. He is so awesome.
Also, I would love to have magic powers like Harry Potter. Another one of my obsessions. And if you are really good Like Hermoine Granger, think of what you could do!!!
Yes, I have given this ALLOT of thought over the years!
My job is physically demanding. I work from 6-11pm, AFTER being a stay-at-home-mom all day. And I work all day Saturday and Sunday. I also work in close contact with the public.
I have 6 months unpaid medical leave that is up April 22. Most days it is a challenge to take care of my kids and home. My husband has to help me with cleaning and groceries. Since starting Humira I have been sick for 6 of the 7 weeks. No way I would be able to not call in sick all the time. I also have been flaring for over 2 months straight. I am in no condition to go back to work in 3 weeks.
I do not qualify for disability. I do not have enough credits. I only went back to work par-time 2 years ago. When I worked full-time before I had my kids, my employer had a private retirement plan and we did not pay into SS. Disability is not an option for me.View Thread
Good thing I have my colonoscopy next week. I started bleeding today! Is there no end? Depending on the colonoscopy it might be worth the risk of the CTscan w/ contrast. They will have to seriously pre-treat me and be ready in case I stop breathing again.
Tomorrow my daughter goes to her friend's house in the morning! Woohoo!! A couple of quiet hours to myself.View Thread
mine is doing them "as needed". We are doing one next week- my second one in 5 months because I am still having too many symptoms on all the meds I am on. But when I can get into remission, he said we will not have to do another one unless I start to have problems again.View Thread
I am taking my pain meds. It is the only way I can rest. I do have to time and space the doses so that I can drive in the afternoon to get my daughter to school, but tylenol can at least take the edge off.
Infection has moved fully into my sinuses overnight. I am used to feeling really good after 24 hours of anti-biotics, but I think it will be slower now because of the Humira.
Today I am taking it really slow, doing a little bit at a time. My daughter and I are watching princess movies and coloring. Yesterday while my daughter was at school, I sent my son to a friend's house so I could sleep for a couple of hours. It was wonderful.
So I cried myself out last night and went to bed very congested from a head cold and my tears. Woke up at 3:30 with severe pain in my right ear. I bet I now have an ear infection. UGH!!!! I will get into the Dr when they open in a hour. This is miserable and the las thing that I need! FREAKING A!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!View Thread
My colonoscpoy is scheduled for next thursday. Lucky me. My 2nd one in 5 months.
Hopefully it will give my GI a direction on treatment.
I am so darn miserable. Today I have zero energy. I am constipated again. No vomiting yet. And I hurt. Allot. But since I have to get my daughter to Speech Therapy today I can only take tylenol. And the pain is just making me more and more tired. I don't have any help. My husband has to work. And there are not any friends or family members that have offered to help. It stinks.
My appetite is zero. Very abnormal for me since I am overweight and constantly soothing myself with food. Just thinking about eating makes me feel worse today.
My mom is freaking out that I won't be able to go back to work in 3 weeks when my 6 months of leave is up. I probably will have to resign my position.
I just want to curl up on my bed and rest. But my son will be home in 20 min, and then we have to get my daughter from preschool, get her to speech, get home in rush hour traffic, make dinner, clean up dinner, do homework, baths, pick up and bed. Just thinking about it all make me cry today.View Thread