I don't understand why children should be expected to be grateful for parents that provide them a home, food, clothes and other neccesities. It is the RESPONSIBILITY of the parent to provide those things when they bring these kids into the world. You're not doing your kids a favor buy making sure they sleep on clean sheets at night, you are taking care of the life you chose to create.
I would expect my children to be thankful and appriciate when I bought him his Ipod, when I gave him gas money or money to go to the movies. Those are things that are earned, not given. But a clean, stable house to grow up in is not something a child should be thanking mom and dad for. I'm sorry but making a child (she is a child) get a job at 15 so she can appriciate how much it costs to raise her is a selfish thing to do. If a parent needs their kids to praise them for taking care of them and paying to raise them then they should think twice before having kids.
Paying money to raise and care for your kids is a parents' job, not something you should be patted on the back for.
I agree, the girl deserved what she got. She was disrespectful and ungrateful but I don't understand why some people think kids should appriciate the things that parents are responsible to provide once they have kids.View Thread
This was interesting to watch, even more interesting that he would put his family issues on the Web for the world to see. I don't know that I would consider that good parenting.
The thing that stood out to me the most wasn't the gun, it was the fact that he said she needed to find a job and that he brought her an application to turn in. She is 15 years old! Why would she be expected to get a job at 15? Also, when he was listing everything he was doing at her age (15) like being a volunteer fireman, he lost a great deal of credability with me. Where does he live that you can legally be a volunteer firefighter at 15?
I agree with getting rid of the laptop and if he chose to destroy it instead of doing something constructive with it, that is his choice. She was extremely disrespectful in what she wrote. But, I just wonder if there wasn't some truth to some of her writing. Watching that dad, I think there was.
Also, I wonder, if he had read this letter in her diary would he have reacted the same way? She obviously needed to vent some things that she was unhappy about. (at 15, most girls are mad at the world and just want to scream out their problems) Facebook today is what writting notes in class was when I was a teen.
I don't know, I don't think he should be rewarded for this "parenting" but I don't think he was completely wrong either.View Thread
I watched my step dad beat my sister with his fists when she came home after cufue. It was his form of discipline but somehow I managed to not take that trait with me as a grown adult/parent. We were never spanked as a reminder that our parents were in charge. We were whipped with a belt several times or beaten until we were bruised. Oddly enough, I was smart enough to not do that to my own kids.
I also watched my mom, dad & aunts go outside to smoke or drink until they passed out when we had stressful situations happen in our family or in our lives. Somehow I also managed to learn to cope with my stress without picking up a bottle or a cigarette.
What I am teaching my daughter when she gets a spanking is that she will have an immediate consiquence for what ever it was that she did that warrented the spanking. It will be a consiquence that she doesn't like and that will stay in her mind the next time she goes to do that again.
Not everything has to be a life lesson that every child has to take with them into adulthood. Some things are right now lessons that teach a child that they do have to fear mom or dad because they don't put up with everything. I don't spank often and it is always the last resort but it is the one thing that gets through to my daughter without fail, that is something I will be happy about when she hits her teens. It worked with my son, who is a grown adult. He also isn't an abusive man that is looking for people to beat up because he got spanked as a child.View Thread
"Why is it that proponents of spanking feel threatened by those of us who reject it as a form of discipline? Could it be that you feel guilty? And why is that? Maybe because you know that it is morally and ethically wrong."
And this above statement that you made is the most ridiculous I have read. Come down off of your pedistool and realize that we are not threatened by anything you reject or agree with. There is nothing to feel threatened by because you don't speak from any experience. You have only tried your form of discipline and it worked for you. Had you been blessed with a different child you may have had to try several forms of discipline before you found the right one. Believe it or not, your way now might not have been the best way had you had a different child no matter how much re-directing you did.
To assume that anyone feels threatened or guilty because of what you feel is right just shows that you are a very close-minded person. You have no experience to speak from, you have never spanked and have no idea what they end result would be from doing it. I don't think anyone here cares if you spank or not, we don't have to live with you or your son so you need to do what works for your family. Just like we do what works for ours. The only difference is, we aren't saying that we are the only ones that are right like you keep doing. We are just giving our opinions because there is no right or wrong answer. No parenting decision is black or white and no parent's ways are perfect for every family or child.View Thread
The problems with your arguments is that you do a lot of assuming about other parents' parenting. You haven't finished raising your son so you have no idea how he will turn out from your form of discipline.
I can speak from experience which is something you don't have the ability to do yet. I have raised my son, I also spanked him from 3 to about 9. Yes, he did have some fear of his mother but you know what, he also stayed out of some serious trouble because of that fear. If your kids don't have some fear of their parents they will have nothing holding them back when they get to their teens.
Yes, I taught self control, I did use timeouts when they were the appropriate tool and I also spanked when I needed to get the point of how serious I was across. He had a tremendous amount of respect for me as he grew up and even more now that he is an adult. I am basing that statement on what he has told me, not what I assume.
He is an active duty soldier in the U.S. Army and still to this day knows how to make the right choices and how to follow the rules and orders from his commanding officers. I take a lot of credit for the amount of discipline he has shown in his life because of the guidance I have provided him. And spanking was one of the tools I used to get him where he is today.
I also have two young children, 20 months and 5 years old. I don't spank my youngest because I do feel he is too young, he is still learning about boundries. However, my 5 year old ONLY responds to a spanking. We have taken privlages, used time outs, sat down and talked about it, ya, she will laugh. Take away her favorite toy and she will tell you that she was bored with it anyways. Put her in time out and she will ask to stay there after her 5 minutes is up because she likes timeout. Talk to her and she will giggle and tell you that you are funny. We work with her daily about discipline and following the rules. We have no tv time Monday through Thursday. Night time is family time and we will eat dinner and play a game together or go for a walk to the park. So she does stay busy and active and she gets tons of personal attention. She is just like me, affraid of nothing. For her, spankins are the only thing that gets her attention.
There are different opinions and options for every form of discipline and child and just because something bad happened to one person that was spanked doesn't make it wrong. I go to the store and see those kids that are screaming because they can't have what they want. Then I see the mom keep shopping because she is affraid to damage little timmy's spirit by giving him a little swat. She ignores him and thinks that by not giving him "attention" he will realize he can't have what he wants. How about standing him up in the cart, swatting his bottom and teaching him that if he acts like that he will have an instant consequence. The rest of us don't want to have to deal with your screaming, under-disciplined child while we shop with ours that know better because they know mommy will spank them in the middle of the milk isle if we even thought about acting like that. That is what fear of a parent gives you, it's not a bad thing unless you twist the words to make it sound like a bad thing.
People with open minds make the best parents because they are willing to learn as they raise each child. Close minded parents don't learn anything about parenting because they think they already know everything.View Thread