I am widowed since 2006. My sons have financially ruined me. Neither once is an adult; they will not financially take care of themselves. They use me and abuse me. My dr. told me I have to divorce them from my life. I know inside that he is right. They refuse to change their ways and take responsibility for their lives.
I have my son and gr. daughter living with me for the past four years. Mr. gr. daughter is mentally challenged and will forever be a 12 year old. He mother just died in December.
My only weakness in my life is that I care and have a soft heart and this has caused me so much emotional pain. I have come to the place where I just do not have the energy to carry on. I do not see a future for me even if I move; I will not be able to escape my sons behaviors.
I have been trying to work this out and the only thing I can come up with is to go into hiding.View Thread
I live with this everyday in the back of my mind. When the emotional stress gets to high the suicidal thoughts are more intense, I am taking my meds. I am between a rock and a hard place right now. I just saw a surgeon yesterday and I need surgery soon, so I was put on the emergency waiting list. I have two adult sons and a gr. daughter that are toxic to my mental health and wellbeing. I know what I have to do but it kills me inside as a mother. I have to be stronger than I have ever been. I am getting my house ready to sell and I have to break free to save myself.View Thread
Begins in family of origin when the family you are raised in does not foster or support healthy behaviors
If as a child you survived trauma (physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect)
Where parents or a family member has an addiction, mental illness, codependency, chronic illness. etc.
As a child healthy behaviours not seen or taught so the child creates ways to survive in the family (this is me!).
People with Codependency develop specific types of behavior and responses to other people and the world around them based on their acceptance of a set of rules which are dysfunctional. Some of my patterns are:
OVERLY RESPONSIBLE: sense of persons responsibility for all life's troubles compulsive caretaking of others rescuing others from their responsibilities and natural consequences of their behavior desire to change of fix selfish, needy, or dependent people
EXTERNALLY FOCUSED focus is on people and things outside of myself absorb feelings, thoughts, and beliefs from others rather than from my own do things in order to receive approval from others meaning for life comes from relationships with others loss of relationship with myself
CONTROL feel controlled by others people's anger difficulty being spontaneous and having fun
SELF ESTEEM loss of self-esteem and self worth suppress my needs and feelings guilt about imperfections and making mistakes abandoning myself by putting others first to my detriment I feel ashamed of who I am I settle for being needed rather than loved I feel angry, guilty and deprived I get artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others I don't trust my feelings, decisions, myself or others I don't seek help from others perfectionism - I place unrealistic expectations on myself or others I feel powerless; no way to win so why try hard to make decision or mind paralyzed when I try to make decisions; fear of making mistakes I believe I can make others feel better
My other Issues:
RELATIONSHIPS DIFFICULTY IDENTIFYING AND EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS COMMUNICATION BOUNDARIESView Thread
When I feel I have nothing left to give And I am sure the "song has ended" When my day seems over and the shadows fall And the darkness of night has descended, Where can I go to find the strength To valiantly keep on trying Where can I find the hand that will dry The tears that my heart is crying There is one place to go and that is to God And, dropping all pretense and pride I can pour out my problems without restraint And gain strength with Him at my side And together I stand at life's crossroads And view what I think is the end But God has a much bigger vision And He tells me it's Only a Bend For the road goes on and is smoother And the part that's unsung and unfinished Is the sweetest and richest and best So rest and relax and grow stronger Let Go and Let God share my load My work is not finished or ended I have just come to "A Bend in the Road".View Thread
I just read your post cdotmo and I agree with you that "we the depressed ones" should find ways to educate others so that they have an enlightened view about depression. How should we do this? I am thinking of starting a web page expressing how we the depressed cope and feel under this disease called depression. My mother had depression and was mentally chanllenged; also my brother who had to be placed in a mental institution when he was five, I also have inherited major depression; two out of my three sons have had depression.
I was the first in my family to speak out in defence of depression and educate anyone who would listen. Depression has been my best friend throughout my life.
Maybe we all could contribute to a book on how life is with depression and how hard our lives can be just to carry on one more hour or day. We could educate others by having them walk in our shoes. We need to be kind to each other; depression steals so much of us; we are strong people.
I have not been on the site for along time. Today I have been having a very difficult time coping with my depression. I have been very depressed about the 20 children that were murdered in the US I just cannot shake this overwhelming sadness for the parents, siblings and our whole country; I just feel "grief". Why are our children so angry and violent? I am concerned about our childrens' mental health and the care that is available for them before they act out in violence. I have my 16 year old grandaughter living with me and she is diagnosed with autism and she can be violent; just hit one of her classmate in the nose afew weeks ago. Will she in the future turn violent and hurt others as well as herself? My youngest son tried to commit suicide last year; he has been diagnosed with PTSD and is a veteran for us and canada. I worry about him going over the edge and carry out a violent act. I worry that the stigma for mental health will be enhanced with these shootings.I hope that some positive changes can come out of this tragety. I find it very difficult to stay positive when so much negativity is all around us.
I was diagnosed with clinical major depression in 1985. I have inherited this disease from my mother and have had symptoms since early childhood.
In 1985 I was prescribed surmontil; in1990 started Prozac to present and I started mirtazapine (Remeron) 2007 to present. I have been on the combined medications since 2007.
When I started the mirtazapine I had some side effects; lightheadness, increased appetite, dry mouth but these did not last very long. I have tolerated the combination therapy very well and don't need as much sleep as I used to need. I am in my late sixties; these drugs helped me live my life to the best that I can.
Talk to your doctor about the side effects and precautions before you start this medication.
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