There are other meds for depression that may have less of this side effect for him. Antidepressants but in a different class of drugs from Paxil.
If he hasn't already he should talk with his doctor about this. If he's talked to his doc already, he needs to talk to him again! If he is being treated by his family doc or internist and he seems to be at a loss for what to do next or says there isn't anything more to do, I encourage your boyfriend to see a psychiatrist since they are the specialists for this disease and have much more experience and detailed knowledge about how the particular drugs act.
It takes time to find the right one and that's hard to have patience for but it sure is worth it. I went thru the female version of this and my psychiatrist worked closely with me until we found the best combination. And I know a few male friends who went thru this and found meds that didn't cause such a frustrating problem.
I sure wish you both good luck, and hang in there.View Thread
Oh wow, what a heavy burden you carry. You deserve credit for having survived this long. I was a single parent of only 1 child and that was hard enough. I don't know if you have written here before but it is a good place to find folks who understand and can lend their encouragement and support to you.
I can relate specifically to the PTSD and depression, migraines and insomnia having endured molestation and other abuses as a child and a rape as an adult. The flashbacks and feeling out of my own body and unconnected to 'me' are such weird and frequently devastating experiences. It's like standing on the sidelines, watching me in my own nightmare only I am awake.
After years of a lot of really hard work in a number of courses of counselling, and trial and error with meds I have finally shed most of the blatant PTSD symptoms. I can still feel dissociated at times, still have night terrors, but they are mostly gone. When the depression is bad I go back to feeling like I am living with ghosts, I feel downright haunted, but when it lifts they fade away.
You don't say if you are in therapy now, but if not I encourage you to get back into it, even if you had a bad experience before. I know you know this, but you can't carry your burdens alone and the ways you learned in childhood to survive don't work now.
You don't say if you are seeing a psychiatrist now either, but if you are being treated by your family doctor or internist, I encourage you to see a shrink. If you are Bi-Polar I am surprised at the meds you are currently on.
As for the insomnia, one of the antidepressants I'm on is mirtazapine, generic for Remeron. One of it's side effects is drowsiness, and at it's max dose it nearly knocks me out so I take it at night. I can get to sleep and mostly stay asleep for at least 6 hours. If I miss a dose I don't sleep for squat.
You have me support and encouragement, and I hope you come back here to talk about what's happening with you.View Thread
It's such a devastating thing to endure the loss of a child. No one should ever have to go thru that kind of loss but they do. It's so hard to be able to get thru the grieving to start to live again.
You don't say what kind of counselling you tried. Your local Hospice(s) usually offer grief support groups, there may be others in your community, and some therapists specialize in grief and loss. I'm not suggesting you need this specialized kind of assistance, because I think any good therapist can help you get what you need to move through your pain.
I too encourage you to not give up on counselling. It often times can take some seraching to find the person you can 'click with'. I don't see the efforts as useless though, because just working and being persistant to find help for yourself can uncover fresh little pockets of energy in you you didn't know you had.
It's true that meds take time to have their effect, so persistance and patience here can also pay off.
It may be that your grief is causing your depression and will begin to ease up when your grieving becomes a journey toward healing instead of a barrier to living life once more. But what is clear to me is you do need help to get through it, and believe me when I say it will make a difference in the rest of your life. I am a nurse and used to work in Hospice, and have been a witness to many deaths and losses, including my own. It's not an easy journey for anyone, it may be the hardest thing you ever do. But it is worth the effort to get your real life back.
What may become of you is, if you take the journey through your grief, you may find you are stronger when you come out the other side, having been tempered by the journey.
Anneymay, your story is really familiar to me too. Oh man, it's so hard when every day you have to sum up the energy to do anything, anything at all.
I started missing large chunks of time from a 'nervous breakdown' when I was 44, and have dealt with depression most of my life. I am now 58, and finally have Soc Sec disability for the past 4 years but geeze it sure doesn't go far. Poverty not only sucks, but even tho I try not to I am continually comparing myself to all my successful friends and relatives. I get so angry and resentful at myself for not being able to work, I feel embarassed and ashamed to be in this position.
I've had several spinal injuries so also live with pain every day. You are so right- depression plus chronic pain is a nasty combination.
So I too have spent a lot of time being so tired of the fight. If it wasn't for my son, I would have killed myself years ago, but I just can't do that to him. He doesn't deserve to have to deal with that, his own life is hard enough. But I have lived with the wish so long I have no fear of death and think of it as a release from this hell on earth.
But even with all that, I do have some times when getting up and taking care of myself does help me feel better, when I can push the pain and worry aside at least for a while and do something else. These days are like a gift to me, when I feel ok I appreciate it so much, like I've been given a precious gift.
Even tho you are poor as a church mouse, like Evalise I also think seeing a counsellor would be so helpful. There are low cost services available and I encourage you to check them out. You don't say whether you have done therapy before. Over the years I have done a number of courses, and each one helped so much. So it may be so difficult to find a place you can scrape up the fee for and get started, I think it might be the thing that makes the difference for you. It didn't stop the severe bouts of depression for me, but I did learn new and much better ways to manage myself, and gained a lot of insight into myself and my relationships.
And continue to visit here and write how you feel. I only joined recently, I was looking for a way to connect with people who could understand what I go through, to know I was not alone in this struggle, and to know other folks suffer as bad as I do and they still endure. So maybe I can do that. And you can too. It's such a long, hard road but it is easier when there are others who can really understand where you're at.View Thread
Hi, and welcome to our group. I am still kind of new here myself, and I've found it to be a great place to 'talk out' stuff and get some support, encouragement and food for thought.
Well you sure have a lot of stuff going on. If your depression has kicked in again, and it sounds like it has, then it's going to be much harder to be able to regain some perspective, make well thought out decisions and have the energy to deal with your life.
Self doubts, excess worry and anxiety, feeling vulnerable and at a loss as to what to do or what you want- these things are the face of depression. It sounds like you know what is going on with you.
You said you don't want to go on meds again, can you talk more about that?
I strongly encourage you to make an appointment to see your doc- either your family doc (this is probably obvious but not your ob-gyn) or your psychiatrist. Your family doc is a good place to start if you didn't see a psychiatrist before. They can help you sort out what 's going on, explore all your options and you can go from there. Maybe a course of counselling would be helpful, again to help you sort out what's going on, and learn some new ways to deal with what's going on in your life.
Not all depression has to be treated with medication, but if it's warranted it sure can knit your brain chemistry back together so you can think clearly again and come up out of the darkness.
Hi babygurl, it sure sounds like you are overwhelmed with so much going on. One thing is really clear and that is please take a deep breath and make an appointment to see a doctor for your depression. It's really important you talk to someone to help you sort out what you can do to get help, and what you can do to help yourself.
You said you were always hurting and your bf has never said sorry- what do you mean by this?View Thread
I really feel for you, to me, flashbacks are one of the absolute worse things to deal with.
When my mom died I started having flashbacks and they were completely overwhelming, uncontrollable panic and pain, flashes of another world, another time, disjointing my mind and my life. They were purely crazy-making.
I had always had nightmares and the flashbacks were like night terrors, I was just awake. You just feel like you can't escape them anywhere, don't you? Feeling at risk, ashamed, vulnerable all the time. Triggers in unexpected places- a look or a smell, particular sounds, all of which were completely mundane to someone else but threw me into another world.
They eat up so much energy, I just felt completely washed out afterward.
Yes, a stranger in my own body. It also felt like there were strangers in my body with me, I felt surrounded by nameless ghosts that were trying to kill me, trying to take my soul away from me.
Three things helped. I had to step up my therapy and work really hard to sort out my devils, name them and take my life back from them. It was the hardest work I've ever done in my life.
I used a relaxation technique and repeated a prayer over and over when I was trying to go to sleep and when I'd wake up in panic. It was a mantra that I used like a shield over my soul. I practived that every night for years, and still do it now- the difference is I rarely have night terrors anymore and find the routine comforting and relaxing.
And the last thing is in searching for meds that worked for me, I started taking the antidepressant mirtazapine / Remeron. It makes you sleepy so I started taking it at night. As the dose increased to the maximun you can take, I found for the first time in my life I started getting some decent sleep.
I rarely have flashbacks anymore. It does get easier over time, and it is a long, hard road. But it sure is a triumph to feel like I have taken my life back. I encourage and support you in your efforts to heal. Keep hanging in there, I know it's really hard.View Thread
Anon, you sound like you have a really good handle on how to manage your symptoms, and a clear perspective on your illness as a whole. You have inspired me today. Thank you!
Tallking about what's happening really makes things more manageable for me, it's just hard to find a place to unburden myself since I've had long and severe cycles for years now. Don't want to wear out my friends and family more than I already have. So many friends have fallen away over the years. So I found this great forum recently, and have found just knowing I'm not alone and that I am not the only one who'se experienced depression so severely is like a magical salve. It's awesome how far just a comment or two can take me.
Exercise does help shift my mood to a better place too. And my beloved little Sheltie, I don't know where I'd be without her! She has saved me more than once, she's helped me keep going. Loving her back gets me out of the house for walks.
I hope you are able to manage your other medical issues so you can get past feeling overwhelmed soon.View Thread
Yes, I do know how hard it is for someone who has never had this illness to relate. And I know that some of my friends and family who have had short bouts of depression that were pretty successfully treated by a single antidepressant (versus being on several antidepressants and not getting relief) also can't relate.
In most ways I am glad they can't understand in that I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But I also wish there were folks I could talk to about it because otherwise I feel isolated from the rest of humanity, like I am locked away with ghosts.
That's why I am here, to be able to share the stuff I can't with anyone else, except my doc of course. I can't afford therapy, and this place has given me what I needed- the knowledge that I am not alone in this weird sickness.
It is wonderful that you have loving and supportive people in your life! And bosses who valued you enough to help you and keep you on their staff. I hope you never have to be hospitalized again!View Thread