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Reply: living with a depressed husband

I know you have been at this for a while when you can start foreseeing the conflict before...

Posted by JackX11

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband I know you have been at this for a while when you can start foreseeing the conflict before...

Reply: living with a depressed husband

My wife and her depression is again driving me crazy so have come hear to rant once again....

Posted by JackX11

My wife and her depression is again driving me crazy so have come hear to rant once again. Depression is such a self absorbed illness that I constantly find myself at odds with my wife. This weekend both of my daughters had a band concert. I went to the concert and we all had a fun time. My wife does not go to things like this because she feels uncomfortable and thinks everyone is making fun of her and belittling her somehow. Rather than talk her into it I just let it go and take the girls myself. After coming home from the concert she is of coarse jealous because we enjoyed ourselves without her. Then I have to listen to how lonely she is and nobody loves her and how our marriage is in trouble. I then have to play cheerleader to make her feel good about herself. She can only see her side of every situation. I told her about my cousin who is getting a divorce, husband has not had a job in 15 years, is a drunk, abusive, a real piece of work. She has two kids put herself through college and now has a good job. Anyhow her life is really a nightmare. My wife hears this story and her takeaway from this is, well she never calls me and I have tried to be a friend to her but she just does not want anything to do with me. Same thing when I tell her about a sick niece. She feels threatened somehow that I can be concerned about someone other than herself. This constant selfishness usually creates a conflict and she puts me in a situation or gives me some ultimatum where I have to chose sides and if I don´t chose her their will be absolute hell to pay. These type of unnecessary situations drive me nuts and I feel just emotionally burned out by constantly having to play this counsellor role. It has become where I do not really enjoy talking with her because every conversation gets somehow turned around where she is somehow the victim or being persecuted somehow. I just feel exhausted by it all.View Thread

Posted byJackX11

(FromDepression Support Group)

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband My wife and her depression is again driving me crazy so have come hear to rant once again....

Reply: living with a depressed husband

Right there with you brother. You have come to the right place. You will find allot of...

Posted by JackX11

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband Right there with you brother. You have come to the right place. You will find allot of...

Reply: living with a depressed husband

Thanks for the reply Jane81257. Last week was kind of rough, hopefully things will be...

Posted by JackX11

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband Thanks for the reply Jane81257. Last week was kind of rough, hopefully things will be...

Reply: living with a depressed husband

Just thought I would check in and grumble some more about the latest chapter of life living...

Posted by JackX11

Just thought I would check in and grumble some more about the latest chapter of life living with a depressed spouse. The facts: wife depressed on and off meds and counseling 10 yrs, stay at home mom, 2 kids under 5. I work full time and wife works part time evenings 2 days a wk. Our kids are at a very frustrating age, constant crying screaming, mess making, etc etc. I receive 2-3 phone calls a day from my wife complaining, conveching, about how miserable her life is. Coming home usually involves spending an hour just trying to calm everyone down, kids are usually just absolutely frantic, wife is at the end of her rope, house a mess, wife just wants to hide and take a nap. I actually look forward to the nights she works because it is actually easier and calmer when she is not around to put a black cloud over everything. Constantly wants to make dramatic changes like moving, getting different job, etc. Every job she has she becomes consumed by office politics, most of which seems just catty and high schoolish. She is always the innocent victim and everyone is out to get her. She also complains endlessly about how bad her childhood was. I always assumed once the kids were old enough to be in school she would be back working full time and our lives would be financially better. But deep down I feel she will likely never be able to handle working full time again. She just becomes so enraged, and stressed, and depressed. We would be financially better off but she would just be impossible to live with. All of this just frustrates me to no end. It is just an endless pity party of which I am always thrown into the role of counselor and need to make things better. Often times I am just sick to death about hearing about her problems. Mainly because I know most of her issues are just so blow out of proportion. She has had great jobs, she had a good childhood, she has a wonderful home, she has great kids. Deep down I think she even knows this but she just can not seem to ever keep it together. Ok that is the end of my rant

View Thread

Posted byJackX11

(FromDepression Support Group)

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband Just thought I would check in and grumble some more about the latest chapter of life living...

Reply: living with a depressed husband

Thanks for your reply Zephyrjude. I have hit a good stretch here again. My wife has decided...

Posted by JackX11

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband Thanks for your reply Zephyrjude. I have hit a good stretch here again. My wife has decided...

Reply: living with a depressed husband

Hello fellow sufferers. I have been with my wife 11 years and it took me a long time to...

Posted by JackX11

Hello fellow sufferers. I have been with my wife 11 years and it took me a long time to understand what I was dealing with. I love my wife and hope we can get a handle on her depression. Initially I thought things would get better after just one more thing, new job, marriage, children, moving, etc. But after numerous jobs, career paths, children, moving, the depression has followed us through it all. My wife has been on meds for 10 years and been to a dozen counselors. My wife easily admits to me or herself that she has depression. But will not admit that the depression and her actions are not justified, or her reasoning is flawed. She gets very angry if you question any of her actions. One of her main defense mechanisms is to flee what she feel's is the cause of the depression by quitting her job, moving, getting another counselor, ending friendship, relationships, etc. In many respects it is amazing we are still married. She is the innocent victim of every situation and feels she is being targeted and people are out to get her. She eventually attacks and turns on anyone that cares about her. I feel like I am blamed for everything, she doesn't take responsibility for her own actions or emotions and says she is feeling the way she does because I don't believe her, support her, really love her, understand, etc, etc. She is always quick to say I need to shape up or else and has brought up Divorce 3 times to me. I have read numerous books on depression and various other mental health topics as well as talked with several of her counselors. Counselors seem good for her to offload emotions but are quickly replaced if she becomes uncomfortable. I often feel very alone in this struggle. My wife gets angry if I have friends or fun in general outside of her. My wife's needs seem to consume all. Like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs except her needs are at the bottom of the pyramid and there is never any room for anyone else's. She is generally surprised if I mention something is bothering me and it usually just causes more problems and becomes just one more thing to fuel her depression. There is never any closure to issues she is dealing with. I call it going home to the funeral parlor. Except the bodies/issues never get buried they just sit around rotting and if I try to explorer why we can't put an issue/body to rest she gets angry and says, how can you be so cold hearted, Mrs. Smith was a wonderful woman how can you doubt my reasoning for being so upset about this issue. Talking to her about any real issues is impossible. I just spray some more Lysol and try and stay out of her radar. Well thanks for listening.View Thread

Posted byJackX11

(FromDepression Support Group)

376 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:living with a depressed husband Hello fellow sufferers. I have been with my wife 11 years and it took me a long time to...

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