Shani...you need to get off the rollercoaster. You do not deserve to be treated like this. It is normal for there to be hurt and anger when there's an affair...but to hold onto the hurt/anger and to continue to hold it against you...that is wrong. If you've expressed sorrow for your affair and you've taken steps to show that you are sorry and that it won't be repeated...he should be coming around to forgiving you and allowing you to take the steps to build up that trust again.
An abusive person, whether the abuse is physical/sexual/emotional/verbal, will not change his/her ways until he/she recognizes that he/she has a problem and is wanting to change. You can NOT change that person or force change on that person.
This is why you need to get out. Even if he never lays another hand on you...he's still laying his 'hand' on you emotionally/psychologically. And I do not know how young your children are--but he will most likely be abusing them as well at some point!!!!View Thread
Here's some quotes from a cat calendar that I have that may cheer you up:
"Some have said their cats would rather be petted than eat. Love-starved people are not unlike those felines. They devour any attentiveness or interest because of hidden hunger. All of us, sooner or later, experience that kind of hunger pang" --unknown
"All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it" --Samuel Butler
"When cats are frightened, they lose hair quickly. When another animal grabs him, the cat's fur comes out easily. Result? The predator loses his grip. Resolve to shed habits that hold you in their grip." --unknown
I don't quite have the same problem with you...but I've been struggling with a physical health problem that doctors want to pass off as IBS....it took me like 7 or 8 doctors before I found one that is willing to listen to me and get to the bottom of my issues.
I would search out another therapist/doctor and not give up until you get a 'good' one. If you are part of any support groups or have other friends who have mental issues--ask around--maybe they know of a doctor/therapist who can help you.
Change is always hard. It is not good to become so attached to a therapist that you are totally dependant on him/her...then when he/she retires (or moves or whatever), then you fall apart...it sounds like you were unheathily too attached to your therapist.
Sometimes new therapists are good because they have a different way of looking at situations and can help you in good/positive ways....so I would encourage you to go to the new therapist. Your therapist knows you well enough, I'm sure, to refer you to a therapist that will be on a similar wavelength as you.
For the cat situation...most apartments will not accept more than 2 so you will really have to do an extensive search. Maybe look for a rental home instead of apartments. I have four cats, so I understand not wanting to separate.
This is a really tough question--not just about depression, but suffering in whatever form, and I don't believe none of us will know all the other questions until we've reached the other side.
I just read a book called "Life is Hard but God is Good" subtitle is "An inquiry into suffering"--which is a really good book--author is Adele J. Gonzalez--there are other books out there too...You could also contact your local church--sometimes pastors can help you make some sense of it and/or direct you to a Christian counselor to talk with. These counselors will often help you on a sliding scale if you don't have insurance.
I have depression as well as a physical health problem that doctors want to lable as "IBS"--both have questioned/tested my faith and it is still being tested...I deal best with it by AA saying--one day at a time.
God doesn't make anyone who hates him/her-self--all babies are happy and only cry when they are trying to communicate their needs (dietary/diaper/etc.).
When/if the baby doesn't get the needed afftection/attention, when the baby/child is given negative messages--from parents, teachers, etc--that can lead into a lot of the negative self-talk and low self-esteem.
I do not know your story. I was raised in a Christian home. However, my mom was verbally/emotionally abusive to me and was the kid that everyone picked on. I "knew" early on that I was unloveable, unwanted, etc. God didn't make me this way--it was the message that I got from parents/classmates/etc that told me this. And one's image of God is based on how their parents act (in general).
Your story might be different, so I encourage you to go to counseling or seek out books or info online that goes into the meaning of suffering.
Jesus was born a human--he expererienced *everything* that we experience, except for sin. Think of His passion--he was tortured, humiliated, rejected, and so on...He could have chosen another path--but He didn't out of His love for us. He knows what loneliness and rejection can be...you have a Partner in your suffering and what better one could you have?
When I am in my darkest moments, I try to reflect/think about Jesus's suffering. When I start thinking suicidal--my 'logic' kicks in--I know it's my depression, I know that "this too shall pass" and somehow I've gotten beyond that moment.
It's easier said than done...that's why you have to treat it as 'one day at a time'--even 'one moment at a time'...keep praying--even when you don't feel like praying...have at least one loved one to talk to and see your pastor and/or counselor.
It's a long Via DelaRosa...the joy in Heaven will make up for all the pain here on earth.