My WebMD Sign In

Please enter email address

Enter your password

Keep me signed in on this computer

Show more Information

If you select "Keep me signed in on this computer", every time you visit WebMD.com you won't have to type your email address and password. This means that a cookie will stay on your computer even when you exit or close your browser which may reduce your levels of privacy and security. You should never select this option if you're using a publicly accessible computer, or if you're sharing a computer with others. Even if you select this option there are some features of our site that still require you to log in for privacy reasons.

Forget your password? Having trouble signing in?

Why should I
sign up for WebMD?

With a WebMD Account you can:

Track your way to weight loss success
Manage your family's vaccinations
Join the conversation

See more benefits Sign Up

Why WebMD?

My WebMD

Show Menu

Facebook Twitter Pinterest

WebMD Home

Depression Community

Report this pic

ripcmw

Joined: 05/24/2010

My Story:

Where do I start!
First, I am 40 years old. I live in Western New York. I have (had) three grown boys. I am married (2nd); we have been together for 20 years. I own a 4 year old yellow lab name Princeton, a tabby named Peanut, and am "kitty-sittin" for my oldest son; the cat's name is Goober (I love animals). I feel I am a very caring person who has a lot to give. Oh yeah, I have severe depression.
I have had depression for what I believe is 30 + years, but only have been officially diagnosed with it since late 2006. The reason I was finally diagnosed with it was because in July of 2006, my middle son, Chris (18 yo) died suddenly. I was also going through some marital problems, and 10 days after I buried Chris, my youngest son was placed in foster care. I couldn't fight the overwhelming feeling that I wanted to be with Chris, so I tried to commit suicide. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where I stayed for about a week. I can't remember exactly because it is still kind of a blur, but I know it was around there. I didn't want to be there but understood why I was. I didn't want to cooperate, but am glad I did because I learned a lot about depression and why I "snapped". I still have extremely bad days, especially on those special days like his birthday, the anniversary of his death, my birthday, Christmas, etc. but I try to take one day at a time.
Growing up was extremely difficult. My parents were divorced when I was 4 and my older brothers and I lived with our mother who was an alcoholic. Between my father and mother, I was the only girl so I was "daddy's little girl" and became more of a friend with my mother instead of a daughter. She "went with" a man (who eventually became my step-father, but not until many years later). They had three children together so now I had three half siblings. When they were young, it became my job to become "mother" to the little ones. There are exactly 10 years between me and my youngest sibling. Having two older brothers was difficult because I had issues with self esteem and they just made it worse. They "picked" on me endlessly, put me down, used me as a "practice" person (my one brother was a jock), and I was embarrased over our situation so I didn't have any friends. I began dating a boy from another school at the age of 15 (I went to school with his niece; he was 18). I became pregnant because of course I didn't know about birth control. He joined the Navy and when he got out of boot camp, we got married. I was 16. We were married for 4 years. I had two boys and was pregnant with my third when we divorced. He obtained custody of the two older boys (mommy and daddy's money talked, I walked) which was a devistating blow to me. I wanted to abort/miscarry my third (thankfully I didn't).
I began dating my present husband when I was pregnant and he helped me raise my youngest child. We "dated" for 12 years before we got married. We've been together for 20. We have lost more people between us than years we've been together. In other words we have been through a lot together. I left him 4 times and still get the urge when things get tough. He, fortunately, takes me back every time, even though I hurt him really bad when I do that.
I struggle every single minute to keep things together. There is more to my story, but I am running out of space so that will have to do. You get the jist!

Report This

Latest Activity

Filter by:

Reply: For ripcmw

Thanks Janna. I am really not doing well today. I got a call from my son's gf this morning...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:For ripcmw Thanks Janna. I am really not doing well today. I got a call from my son's gf this morning...

Reply: can adoctor close your case

hey dem, I also care and would like you to stick around. I am doing better today, but not...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

136 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:can adoctor close your case hey dem, I also care and would like you to stick around. I am doing better today, but not...

Reply: help me

You are not weak. You are human. If talking about your depression and things that bother you...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:help me You are not weak. You are human. If talking about your depression and things that bother you...

Reply: 4 and a half years wasted...

Hey there bird. I agree with caprice; you are giving them too much of your time. Don't worry...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:4 and a half years wasted... Hey there bird. I agree with caprice; you are giving them too much of your time. Don't worry...

Reply: whats my deal? anxiety/depression AGAIN?

I would talk to your doctor about quitting the medication. You should never quit a...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:whats my deal? anxiety/depression AGAIN? I would talk to your doctor about quitting the medication. You should never quit a...

Reply: help me

Hey there! You have come to the right place. We are all suffering as you are and can give...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:help me Hey there! You have come to the right place. We are all suffering as you are and can give...

Reply: For ripcmw

Janna, Thank you for your support. I know I am not the only one feeling this way and it...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:For ripcmw Janna, Thank you for your support. I know I am not the only one feeling this way and it...

Reply: For ripcmw

Dan I wish I could get away for an hour or two. Although, I did go for an hour walk with my...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:For ripcmw Dan I wish I could get away for an hour or two. Although, I did go for an hour walk with my...

Reply: today is the day

I wish you luck! Let me know how you do. I wish I had the money to help you, I would pay for...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:today is the day I wish you luck! Let me know how you do. I wish I had the money to help you, I would pay for...

Reply: For ripcmw

Dan, thanks. I guess I need to just get away and think. Not negatively, but what I can do...

Live Life One Day at a Time

Posted by ripcmw

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:For ripcmw Dan, thanks. I guess I need to just get away and think. Not negatively, but what I can do...

See Related Mental Health Communities

See All Communities

Women's Health Newsletter

Find out what women really need.

Other Depression Information

Depression Health Center
Families of Depressed & Bipolar Kids Tips and Support from Members Like You!
Video – Genetic Link to Depression?

The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.

Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.