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It had me wondering. Is marriage itself a game of compromise and misunderstanding? Is everyone having similar problems? Or I am having some unique issues. The problem is that we are a result of what we live with also. So over the years we have grown in this relationship and find ourselves missing out. But is not everybody missing out?
This is not to say that depression in a spouse is common place. But there are some things that are not specific to us alone. Others are also missing out. But yes, somethings we are encountering only because our spouse is depressed. We have to find those specific things and deal with those. For instance, I personally feel that everything that goes wrong is blamed on me. I find that so irritating and very peculiar to my case.
In my coping mechanism, I find that I have cut myself out. There are somethings I am not involved in and do not get involved in. There are some geographies that are only fine, in which I do not involve my spouse at all. These are my breathing holes. I want to stay in this marriage but if I did not have this oxygen I would suffocate. I get tired of being blamed for doing the right thing, I dont think I will ever be able to get him to see that I am right. I find that frustrating, but I have decided that I will live by what I think is right and not by what is right by my spouse.
I do not know if I make much sense but I feel we should not fall into self pity.View Thread

Is this the time to give up? You are heading towards depression or worse yourself. Is it fair to be treated like this? Your spouse is depressed, can't take responsibility and hates the fact that you can cope! You want to run away and tell him carry your own burden and I don't care. Beleive me, if she does that the whole world will abandon you as well. It is easy to stand on the sidelines and tell someone else to be "compassionate"; but when the time comes no one will take the responsibility.
Taking your medication and doing therapy is critical to your survival. I empathise but I beleive after a while the spouse needs more care and appreciation that the depressed ever did.View Thread

After a while you will get tired of being "compassionate" and understanding. If there are children involved it is highly unfair to them too.View Thread

The loneliness is huge and one of the things that we need to overcome. That is how I found this blog. But you need a friend who listens and does not judge.
You are lucky in one way- you had the companionship at one time - I never did, so one less thing to loose.View Thread


But, I look at the world around me and I feel that there is something wrong inthe way we have decided to live. We are alone and thus lonely. I can identify more and more depressed souls. I realise that there are more depressed men than women- this might be because they have to live with the fact that now women are also competing with them as near equals. Nonetheless, we will have to either learn to live with depressed people or change the way we live.View Thread



I say this as after reading your posting, I feel that you have a sense of balance and maturity that you have been able to maintain the last 30 years. But when I look at myself in the same situation I find that at times I am loosing my balance and slowly slipping into depression myself. In the middle of a depressive episode I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. At such times the good times seem like a mirage.View Thread
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