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Reply: Confused

Jenna- I appreciate your comments. I am glad that you got a 100 on your paper. I was...

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Jenna- I appreciate your comments. I am glad that you got a 100 on your paper. I was...

Reply: Confused

nwmmjlc11- I do keep track of this thread so you're in luck. I haven't written in this...

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused nwmmjlc11- I do keep track of this thread so you're in luck. I haven't written in this...

Reply: Confused

Susie- 4 weeks later and things have changed. For the better. We haven't been seeing the...

Posted by spdc201

Susie-

4 weeks later and things have changed. For the better. We haven't been seeing the counselor lately. Not because we don't have things to talk about. We have plenty to talk about. However, the problem was the communicating was turning into argument, a "you vs me" behavior and thats what shut it all down.

We have been able to speak openly and honestly. That has led to things that we were not proud of (Yes, that...). We both did it, to each other. We have admitted our faults on both sides. Faults that when we met years ago were never an idea in our head. Those things came to light at the right time, no matter how devastating they were.

Even after all that, there is still an emotional involvement that we have to each other. There is also still a physical one, which is an awesome bonus! We truly are invested in each other on several levels. That smile has returned to her face. And its back on mine. I spend most days at the house now. My daughter wonders when I will be coming home everyday. I tell her "soon."

After much thought, we decided to keep the house and remove it from the housing market. My realtor said she was never so happy to lose a sale. I will be moving home soon. I never thought I would get to say that. I am going home. For good.

This year has been a wild one. One for the books. I am proud to have tried to save my marriage. As a friend said to me, "You have defied the odds, my friend. You have done it." I take pride in that. I always liked being the underdog and coming out on top. I intend to keep these logs on my computer as a reminder of my struggle and the road back.

Susie, I never met you and don't even know what part of the country you are from (or if you are even from the USA). I want to thank you for replying to my blog. It has been a great help. You have helped a total stranger regain his life and family. Good luck to you in all you do. As for me, I have to pack! I am going home

View Thread

Posted byspdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- 4 weeks later and things have changed. For the better. We haven't been seeing the...

Reply: Confused

Susie- I thought I would give an update of what is transpiring here lately. Our house...

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- I thought I would give an update of what is transpiring here lately. Our house...

Reply: Confused

Susie- I am no longer seeing my counselor. The last time I saw him was about a month ago....

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- I am no longer seeing my counselor. The last time I saw him was about a month ago....

Reply: Confused

It has been to long and I feel horrible for not keeping up with this blog. I apologize for...

Posted by spdc201

It has been to long and I feel horrible for not keeping up with this blog. I apologize for not keeping up with this.

In the last two months, my wife and I have been working on our marriage. We are still living seperate. We see each other on our days off and most times we spend the night with each other. We even went on a trip together a few weeks ago. So, we function well together. That part is very obvious. We work well together. This is how it should have been a long time ago. However, the passion is gone.

We initally agreed on a time line to call it quits. That deadline is soon. She asked me the other day to extend the deadline. As much as I'd like to, I don't think I can. I took a lot of things for granted the first time. This time, I can easily tell what's missing. Trial by fire, I suppose. When there is no passion, then there is no marriage. You don't have that desire to do things, to say nice things. You just sputter along.

The passion may be there, but there are so many walls up on both sides. I get rare glimpses of her passion, but the walls immediately come right back up. Almost like what she said/did never happened. We are very emotionally and physically disconnected from each other. I've spoken to a few friends and the believe either the walls are way too high for me or what we are doing is working. The "walls" are making a last desperate attempt to ward me off. Like I mentioned, we used to spend the night together frequently. Recently, we split at the end of the day and go our seperate ways.

I don't want to wake up one day and be married for 20 years and the passion left a long, long time ago. I care for my wife, but I cannot handle a marriage with no passion. It is an empty, dreadful feeling. I have come a long way personally in the last few months. I felt like I have fought my way back from the bottom of a hole. I am ready to truly care for her and love her, but she doesn't appear that way. I don't know how long I can keep up the disconnected feeling with her. Something has got to give.

The deadline is very soon. I will keep this going to put my thoughts out there and seek any feedback possible. I guess my question for today is this: If you function, but the passion is gone, 1) Is there any way to get it back? 2) How long should I wait?View Thread

Posted byspdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused It has been to long and I feel horrible for not keeping up with this blog. I apologize for...

Reply: Confused

Susie- What a difference just a few weeks make. I'll try to give the short version...

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- What a difference just a few weeks make. I'll try to give the short version...

Reply: Confused

Susie- I am sorry that I have not kept up with this blog like I had promised. The last 3...

Posted by spdc201

Susie-

I am sorry that I have not kept up with this blog like I had promised. The last 3 weeks have been very interesting to say the least.

I have recently requested and have been approved for a transfer within my company. The division I was in was highly competitive with promises of rapid promotion. However, that is obviously not the case with me. I changed divisions to a very low level, low key place. The division is very relaxed, which is what I need at the moment. I am waiting on final authorization, but I should be moved soon. I am tired of working for them with no reward. I'd rather relax a little and recharge my batteries. It also helps with the pending divorce.

My marriage is over. For about 2-3 weeks, I have a feeling of emptiness towards my wife. I am not attracted to her in anyway (emotionally, physically, spiritualy, etc). We rarely talk on the phone except to speak about our child or divorce paperwork. I have returned to the house on a few occassions to pick up items. Physically being in the house causes me stress and anxiety. I can't have it anymore. It will kill me eventually, probably sooner than I am supposed to go.

Alot of things are moving well for me at the moment. I am moving into an apartment in the next few days. I purchased furniture for my daughter and have began being extremely social again. I go out at least one night a week with friends and co-workers to wherever (sports games, dinner & drinks, dancing, etc.). I have met some interesting people. And I have learned that most people don't care that I am a single parent. Most people seem to like that I am a single parent and most women I have spoken with are not bothered by a single dad. When I spoke of baggage in earlier posts, my life is not baggage. I guess I'm way behind on the times. ha.

I wonder now why I acted the way I did. I believe that (and she admits) my wife tried to change me into what she wanted. I resisted and the fighting started. At 30, youre sort of set in your ways of how you live your life. But now my life comes with kids. I am okay with that. I feel like I almost had nothing to show for my marriage, but I do. I have a great kid who loves her dad. What more could you ask for.

I have a session in two weeks. I'll try to update about that time. I should be at least moved into my new place by then.View Thread

Posted byspdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- I am sorry that I have not kept up with this blog like I had promised. The last 3...

Reply: Confused

Susie- I know its been a couple of weeks since my last post, so I will try to give the...

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- I know its been a couple of weeks since my last post, so I will try to give the...

Reply: Confused

Susie- It has been 4 days of seperation and what a difference time and distance can make....

Posted by spdc201

65 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Confused Susie- It has been 4 days of seperation and what a difference time and distance can make....

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