
Reply: Just Reality
ok I'm going to try this again...I hit some stupid button and deleted the last post. Thanks...
Posted by onlysis
ok I'm going to try this again...I hit some stupid button and deleted the last post. Thanks for your kind words but it scares me when you say you have been on meds that long? I have tried the writing of journals, therapy, meds, and support groups. I reached out but only to be betrayed by the few people I never thought would do that to me. I truley have no one that takes me serious or wants to listen. I'm a lost soul that doesn't remember what it is like to have happiness. I was diagnosed 3 years ago and have been getting by. I'm truely afraid one day it will just crumble around me. My marriage is a joke to everyone and failing apart-both of us contributed to this. My nightmares are back from childhood trauma and with that so is my insomnia. This is only adding to my state of mental health. Why can I be so strong or fake in front of anyone but fall apart the minute I'm alone? Is it true what I read that I will deal w/ depression the rest of my life? I will never be accepted and truely have no one to listen to me. There is no worse feeling than that of being alone!View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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Just Reality
[Trigger] I'm failing and so alone at the moment. I'm beyond tears and anger just hollow. When the...
Posted by onlysis
[Trigger] I'm failing and so alone at the moment. I'm beyond tears and anger just hollow. When the family all comes to me I deal w/ their problems. I put on my "face" and go about like nothing is wrong. When I'm alone I fall apart and no longer trying. Yes I have tried to talk to them but it is always something they need me to deal w/ that is more important. I have quit my therapy why bother? Really it only made me feel worse talking about all the "bad" things. I will contnue to suffer alone and hope with each day I can still continue to get out of bed. What choice do I have I'm a mom of a 6 year old and that is what is expected of me. I'm to take care of everything as slowly I die inside more with each day. Who cares or notices me?View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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Reply: Do you tell?
honestly who really cares or would understand? For me no one so what is the point!
Posted by onlysis
honestly who really cares or would understand? For me no one so what is the point!View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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random thoughts
[Trigger] why does this have to happen to me? What have I ever done? I've tried and tried but feel...
Posted by onlysis
[Trigger] why does this have to happen to me? What have I ever done? I've tried and tried but feel I'm getting no where even faster. Is there a bottom to this depression cause just when I think I have hit my lowest I fall even further. I'm not sure about my current therapist but am to afraid to start over with a new one. My family or lack there of is of no support so once again why do I continue this battle raging inside of me? Does anyone really ever understand and do people ever stop judging me? Sleep still eludes me as my mind is still racing with thoughts/memories/abandoment. The only reason I still function is I have to take care of my son other than that I find no other reason why I'm here. I feel as if I have nothing left to offer or no one left that cares or apprectiates me. Anymore I have no patience and I never used to be this way. I feel I only see things negativly now, no longer am I to see any good. Just when I think I'm stronger to stand on my own two feet I get "knocked" down-told to get over it. I really wonder what my purpose here is anymore as I'm doing no good. I have no one that really wants to listen-they are only curious to my frazzled state and then the judgement come. I'm so tired of being asked by my husband, which doesn't want to understand or listen, what is wrong with you why are you depressed. Like this is something I asked for, believe me I wish I was that happy care free person that had the patience and smile everyday. Where did you go girl?
Just another day in my world of none exisistence.View Thread
Posted byonlysis
Just another day in my world of none exisistence.View Thread
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Reply: The Past Is Still Toxic In The Present.
I feel your pain/hurt. Please continue on your path to letting it out. I also am trying to...
Posted by onlysis
I feel your pain/hurt. Please continue on your path to letting it out. I also am trying to deal with problems as a child growing up. While the situations are different in what we dealt with we both are trying to figure out how to get these "bad" memories out. I still deal with the horror I faced as a kid and not feeling wanted. I too can only hope as I continue in my therapy that I too will also be able to forgive and finally be able to let go.
Peace be with you.View Thread
Posted byonlysis
Peace be with you.View Thread
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Includes Expert Content
ideas on how to get sleep
My depression is so severe at this moment I'm having a diffucult time sleeping. I can get...
Posted by onlysis
My depression is so severe at this moment I'm having a diffucult time sleeping. I can get to sleep no problem but my mind starts going and thinking horrible things, which I wake up. Any suggestions on how to relax my mind to get some sleep? I'm just going further into depression without sleep. Any tips would be welcomeView Thread
Posted byonlysis
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Reply: alone again
another day left to deal by myself and I have to find the strength to take care of my son....
Posted by onlysis
another day left to deal by myself and I have to find the strength to take care of my son. Does anyone really care? so sad and empty again today.View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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Reply: I need something
You have made it this long, you are strong person! I understand totaly about what you are...
Posted by onlysis
You have made it this long, you are strong person! I understand totaly about what you are going through. I have been married 12 years and deal with the same finacial problems. My husband also has me so broke I would lose everything if I walked away. I also deal with sleeplessness and so much negativety. I'm not allowed to do anything for myself without being made feel guilty.
If you can't take meds have you tried writing your emotions each day to get them out? You can tear it up after you are done but you need to get them out. I myself see a therapist who I can get all my emtions out. I can't afford this but it was my final draw to get me help no matter what. Some days a short walk has been helpful to me. Take each day as it comes, no matter what your finances are you can get through this. Hold your head up high, you are a good person for helping your family. Now it is time to take care of yourself. You are important to us all. Sending ((hugs))View Thread
Posted byonlysis
If you can't take meds have you tried writing your emotions each day to get them out? You can tear it up after you are done but you need to get them out. I myself see a therapist who I can get all my emtions out. I can't afford this but it was my final draw to get me help no matter what. Some days a short walk has been helpful to me. Take each day as it comes, no matter what your finances are you can get through this. Hold your head up high, you are a good person for helping your family. Now it is time to take care of yourself. You are important to us all. Sending ((hugs))View Thread
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Reply: alone again
thanks for your kind words, glad to know I'm not alone in this. What do you do when it...
Posted by onlysis
thanks for your kind words, glad to know I'm not alone in this. What do you do when it seems nothing is going right, anything or just hope that is passes? The tears and heartache today have been unbearable so I turned to wine to make the hurt disappear. I know this doesn't help my depression but I needed something to numb me quit as my meds just don't do it anymore.View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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alone again
Once again I am left to be left. Why do I feel like such a loser, I can't seem to do...
Posted by onlysis
Once again I am left to be left. Why do I feel like such a loser, I can't seem to do anything right. I just hurt so bad right now I can't even begine to explain the pain I feel right now. I have been left to take care of my son and it it getting harder and harder to function anymore. I feel I have nothing left anymore. I have triedmeds, writing, music and exercise but each time I take time to myself I am guilted into not being a social or spending time with my family. Will anybody ever understand the emotional rollercoaster we go through? Just when I think I have had a good day in never fails to that something bad will happen by days end. I am always told what a failure or made to feel as if I have failed everyone which these days is not many. Even when I go to my counselor I am made to feel as if I am being selfish for taking care of me, so at this point tonight why do I even bother with anything anymore? I've been ignored for so long that I even wonder what good I do if any or am I just doing harm. This has been a really bad week with no end in sight for me to see it getting any better. How do you put one foot in front of the other when all it does is cause me more pain and hurt. Each time I am left because my husband doesn't understand or has his functions to attend...where am I in all of this. My loneliness is so extreme I can only wonder why do I bother with anything anymore? I have come here to seach help but it seems only to reassure that this depression I have dealt with for 2 years may never go away. Do you really survive this and then what? Is this a battle I will always struggle with cause I'm become weaker with each day. The pain and hurt can just be unbearable no matter what medication does for me. The night is still young let's see what other failures I can accomplish tonight.View Thread
Posted byonlysis
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