It sounds like you need to still find the right anti-depressant and perhaps an anti-anxiety medication as well. You don't say what your PTSD was from, but otherwise you have the usual events in one's life--parents dying, an accident which you were very fortunate not to be hurt at all, and a relationship that didn't work out. But you did have a new relationship at your age which is a miracle in itself. And to still have had a design business at your age is also a great thing. Many people are retired at your age. There's no reason why you can't keep at your design business. You sold the family home which is too bad, but you must have gotten a fair sum for it. Many at your age are very poor, especially those with severe medical problems. As far as your daughter-in-law, you just have to put boundaries up and stop the communication with someone who is destructive to you.
Yes as we get older, many of us have significant medical problems. It sounds like with only your foot not working well, that is not a lot to deal with at your age. In many ways you are very fortunate.
I had a major stroke at age 56 and am now 60 years old. I am barely able to function due the stroke causing me 24/7 migraines. I have a lot of other major medical problems. My mother died over a year ago. I had to visit her almost every day for 2 years while she was in hospice even though I could barely function. Then I was the executor of her estate also. Yes, it was a lot of work. Perhaps you are not able to count your blessings right now due to a chemical depression, but if you can get that treated, then perhaps you will see how much you have to be grateful for. That's the position that I have finally come to, but with the help of an anti-depressant. Before that I was nearly suicidal at having no life and being in severe pain almost every day. Also I had to take Klonopin (an anti-anxiety med) for a condition caused by my stroke of involuntary jerking called myoclonus. I hadn't realized how my constant low level anxiety with flares of major anxiety were hurting me. Due to my pain, I cannot travel for more than 1.5 hours away. I can go out socially very seldom. I can barely do any errands other than to get all my meds, get groceries and go to many medical appointments. But I could be so much worse. I can talk, eat, and walk, which I very nearly would not have been able to with the stroke that I had.. I'm still in a lot of pain and am currently looking at 2 surgeries.
I think that your main problem is the depression and anxiety. Perhaps you could move either closer to your close friend or closer to your family. What is stopping you, except your depression and anxiety which is sapping your energy. It doesn't sound like the therapy has helped you at all which implies that you have a chemical imbalance and need the right anti-depressant. I do wish you the best with getting those treated.View Thread
It does sound like your depression is probably a chemical imbalance as you suspect. That being the case, I wonder why you have only tried several meds? Are you seeing a good psychiatrist who can also add other meds together to try to help your depression? With you being a psychologist you must know that therapy is not going to help you. My later psychiatrist wasn't into talking much, but trying to treat my depression and asked about my side effects from the meds. If you go to a psychiatrist from a different institution, they can't see your previous medical records of a past diagnosis to label you for life. And if you have tried all the meds, what about light treatment or ECT? Wouldn't it be worth it to find happiness instead of your depression? I had tried every anti-depressant at the time, including an MAO Inhibitor which made me the happiest I had ever been in my life--too happy at times. But due to a bad side effect, I couldn't continue it. I was about to try ECT when my newer psychiatrist diagnosed a sleep disorder which he felt light treatment could help. It did work. And I had been suicidal for years. This was before all the newer anti-depressants were on the market--about 25 to 30 years ago. Then Effexor helped me, but only at a higher dose. I would encourage you to try everything to treat your depression. Good luck.View Thread
Sorry, but you need to go to a doctor. Would you rather be miserable and divorced as well? Doesn't your husband have a job to pay for a doctor appointment or would he rather have a difficult wife? Or borrow some money from your family for this very important medical appointment. You could ask if the doctor has any sliding scale rates. It is really bad that you are 45 years, have suffered from depression for many years and have never sought medical help for it. If you can treat your depression, you will be much more likely to be able to work and pay for more than this doctor appointment. I really hope that you will go to a doctor.View Thread
Yes, it can be the medications or from his depression. Is his depression really gone? First of all, 375 is a very high dose of Effexor, unless you really mean 37.5 mg. Even that dose could affect his sex drive. I changed my Effexor to the upgraded Pristiq and got most of my sex drive back. Also 2mg of Klonopin is not a small amount. I take 0.5 mg of Klonopin for example. I'm not familiar with Lithium and Remeron. If your husband switched to Pristiq, he would have a higher dose than the 37.5 mg of Effexor, but it might let him taper off some of his Klonopin and Remeron. Plus it could help his depression which could also be a cause of the sex drive problem. Have him talk to his psychiatrist about his problem. That's the best solution.View Thread
There has got to be more that can be done for you. Have you told your doctor that the meds are no longer helping you the way they used to? Perhaps the dose needs to be adjusted, or you need another med, e.g. Abilify, added to it. Is there another anti-depressant that you haven't tried that could help you. Have you tried an MAO Inhibitor anti-depressant? I bet not. Also ECT is an option that is not the horror that it used to be. I don't think that a doctor locks up anyone for self harming, unless what you are doing is life threatening. Many people self harm.
When you say that you feel angry for feeling the way you do, do you mean that you blame yourself? Remember what I said about this not being your fault? A physical chemical imbalance is not situational. I had the greatest life that I have ever had since, and was suicidal. Then the right anti-depressant completely turned me around out of depression.
You need more medical help if you still feel this way. Please get the help that you need and deserve. Otherwise you are just being self-destructive. Go to your doctor and be honest about the fact that your meds are not working well for you. If they say that there aren't any other meds and you have not tried the MAO inhibitors, bring them up to the doctor. Take care.View Thread
When I was encouraging you to possibly seek pregnancy, you didn't initially say that you were suicidal and having difficulty even getting out of bed. I think that you definitely need to get far better mental health before even considering getting pregnant.
Your dream that having a child will cure your depression is a false one. You said it yourself that, "Everything in my life is going great. ...my dream job, moved to a nice new city and a beautiful apartment. I have everything I could ever want. And yet, I'm miserable." That just proves that what you have in your life does not cure depression. I was suicidal with depression many years ago and had everything going great in my life. It was a chemical imbalance.
You could be very depressed trying to raise your child. And from what you doctor told you, you could be far worse during your pregnancy. Can you manage that for 9 months? So be confident that you can control your depression. Just some things for you to think about. You take care.View Thread
I don't understand why you are even talking about going off your medications. Haven't they helped you? If not, you should tell your doctor to make adjustments to them or try another medication. After being depressed off and on for 7 years, you now have a history of long term depression, which means that you are more likely to have depression if you go off of your meds. How long have you been taking them?
Why would you risk your visitation with your children? I also don't understand what you mean that your health affects your visitation.
I am currently on the same 2 meds, except I am taking the upgraded version of Effexor, called Pristiq. I know that I need to stay on them for the rest of my life. Many millions of people are taking anti-depressants in this country. The U.S.
What are the negatives with you taking medication? I think that your fears are well founded. Stay on them, unless your doctor thinks that you are all better. But then you will likely have a very difficult withdrawal time period which can last for months. You take care and appreciate that you have children in your life. Even if they don't live with you, they still need and love you. You are very fortunate.View Thread
To An_245437, Thanks for your very kind words. I can tell you what saved me from suicide many years ago. The only one that I'm sure can help you is #1) I kept trying various anti-depressants before all the newer much better anti-depressants were on the market. This was 30 years ago. That's #1 what you need to do. These other ones, I'm not sure of for you. 2) The doctor handed me some Xanax which I would take at night when I didn't think I could stand it even another 10 seconds. That put me to sleep. By morning it was more tolerable. 3) I kept bargaining with myself about when I could commit suicide, just as a means to know that there could be an end to the pain. But it always bought me more time. 4) Eventually, I did find an anti-depressant that worked like magic. Today I am very happy from taking both an anti-depressant, one of the newer ones, and an anti-anxiety medication. There is loads of help for you.
As far as my severe pain, I have gotten a lot of help from the medical community with all sorts of injections and meds. So I'm in pain daily, but no longer in severe pain constantly. Still I can barely do much of anything, or I end up in the ER. I was very resentful and grief stricken, since I also had a whole bunch of other medical problems following a major stroke which caused my 24/7 migraines. Then I met a woman on one of these sites who was far younger than I am, and had constant strokes which were gradually taking away all her memories. But she had arrived at gratitude for every day that she had with her grown children. That turned me around. Now I am finally grateful for all that I can do and what I have in my life. But it was a journey.
Still when you're in the midst of strong depression, I don't know that any comparison will make any difference. It wouldn't have mattered to me, since I didn't think that any torture could be any worse than the way I felt. But you can and will get better. Just remember that. Don't give up.
Just remember that there is help for you. Be sure to tell your doctor that you self harm yourself. That's also important for your proper treatment. I wish you the best.View Thread
Most likely you have a chemical imbalance which causes your depression. It sounds like you have severe depression and that you should see a doctor ASAP about. It is not a sign of weakness any more than a diabetic person needing insulin is weak. Medication could greatly help you as it has helped me.
It doesn't matter what terrible things others have to deal with. Now that I am having chronic severe pain with 2 different diseases, I can tell you that I have never had anything so painful as my suicidal depression.
To meow, I'm wondering why you think that your pregnancy would make you worse. You should talk to an obstetrician about that, since in my experience, women with depression felt wonderful during their pregnancy. BUT after the birth, they had the most severe depression. But maybe you could take the Paxil and be alright. You should really talk to a doctor about your concerns.
But I understand your torture in the meantime with your depression. I don't know how badly you want children. The safest thing would be to stay on your anti-depressants. But just offering you some other options depending on what the doctors have to tell you. You may want to get even a second opinion on it as well.
I will say that having long term depression, almost certainly means that you will need anti-depressants for the rest of your life. That is the case with me. And I am very happy ever since my depression was treated.