Feels like my mind is running a marathon with info.It's been processing at a fast speed for hours and silly me forgot to pick up a script to help me sleep and my anxiety.I get extremely anxious when darkness fall.
I feel like a banana whipped to mush.And times like a gift from the devil that no one wants cause they're be dabbling with the devil.
I'm check my cabinets to see what I can find.Maybe a cup of sleepy time tea will help,if I have any in the house.Maybe my mind will slow down soon or later.View Thread
I know it doesn't take no time for something to happen.Sorry you don't have a length in between times of the good and the bad.Somethings we can't stop from happening so I hope it's something that be resolve in a positive manner.
No advice right now but hope things get better,whatever it may be.Guess things be happening a little too much lately for us both.
I understand your feelings you have toward this person and they are not going to go away just like that.The heart wants what the heart wants.When feelings are as strong as you state here it makes it hard to move on to someone else or with life.Seek the hospital if you need to,if you feel that you may hurt yourself or someone else.If it means keeping you safe then by all means go there.Even if you just want to speak with someone face to face about your situation.
I'm not going to tell you to move on or get over him because it takes time for everything.I don't have any advice either but I do have some concerns.I'm concern about the length you're willing to go to be with or without this person and that has me on edge.I'm not saying that you would physically go as far as my ex but your thoughts does raises red flags with me.
I have some experience in dealing with a guy that have to act on his feelings.One that has to be with one person and only that one.I am currently having trouble with someone that says his feelings are to strong to walk away or be with anyone else.Dealing with him is a living ongoing nightmare for me and he won't take no for an answer.
Again I'm not saying you would go as far as him but you need to deal with your feelings and emotions in safe and positive way.I'm just sharing with you from my side of things,my experiences and how it can turn a person's life upside down with the affect of things being done.I feel for you and hope that things get easier as the days go by.It must feel like hell to have these feelings and can't act on them in a healthy way.I can only imagine what you are going through from your statements made.
[Trigger] I know the two of you mean well but it's not working.I've been sucked into that too many times and I get railroaded again.It's a vicious cycle where I stay at the bottom for others to use and abuse.
That's how I found my worth right in the center of the soul.Every layer of me that was peel away is not worth the dirt that people walk on.The deeper I look,the darker things are and that's core hard facts.I have grown accustom to pain so I stop feeling and started using it.
What I'm doing is not hurting anyone and no one even cares cause they place pain on me anyways.It's easy to tell someone what they want to hear and then walk away because they don't want to deal with you.
I'm sorry that's the hand I've been dealt but I'm sick of playing.I'm turning in my hand,that's a wrap.
For even offering your words I thank you both.View Thread
Thanks but you can't feel better if you have bells going off left and right inside your head.I don't have the energy to drag myself back to therapy.I also need to be careful about what I open myself up to regardless of who they are.
This is a the first time that she's come at me like this.She's just a sit-in/trainee who is educating herself through my sessions with Dr F.I knew he was out of town but took a chance on seeing her alone didn't think it would hurt.She could've be forthright with me and say I don't believe you instead of defending my abusers.It really doesn't matter if no she don't or no one else do.I'm the one that to deal with the flashbacks,nightmares and all of the effects that comes with their actions.
I truly think that's why it takes some people longer than others to get through some issues cause of the critics.They feel like they have no other choice but to carry their past with them like a banner of hate.When it come to abuse no matter how big or small don't dismiss anything.All of the doubt I had push in the back of my mind came rushing back and really can't trust anyone with anything.For now I think it's best that I stay closed in and keep my problems to myself.As soon as you feel safe enough to share something personal than you get blindsided.View Thread
I don't like putting trigger on the posts but it's gotta be there.I want those that read this to be able to read my ugly words and if you're not in a safe place ( mentally) than I don't want to upset anyone.
I'm aware of the fact that sometimes when you go to therapy,you at times leave feeling worst than you went in.I have been in and out of therapy since the age of fourteen.But today is no of those days where I am going to say no more.I don't know what her agenda was but I'm done with her.It's not like she's doing me any favors but she's getting paid.I'm not wasting any more money on that crap,I'm done.
She don't think the family is as bad as I make them out to be.Ask me have I ever consider them to be victims.THERE'S NO WAY IN **** THEY ARE VICTIMS........I got abuse mentally,physically,emotionally and sexually for twelve years.I had to apologize for even coming into this world,which I didn't ask to be here.I didn't do all these things to myself,I had help.
And how can she say maybe it's punishment for something you have done or said.I doesn't matter what was said or done that kind of pain conflicted on another human being is cruel and unusually punishment.So before I let my temper get the best of me I left and told her to kick rocks.
She said she'll give Dr F a call and I said while you're at tell him I won't be back until he gets back.I'm done monkeying around with her and she knows nothing about nothing.I need to take a breather cause #$%& has me anger.View Thread
My mom is a person that loves attention.She doesn't care or think about anyone that gets caught up in it.Now even though I didn't write or went around talking about anything with her name mention at all but she has a law suite claiming slander.She is the one going around telling half truth to a lot of people.
I have tried to let it go but she won't.My rights have been violated so many times.I've taken the stern warning approach but it didn't help and it's hard trying to appear normal on the outside while on the inside I'm cursing.She think her s*** don't stink but everything she do stinks and she refuse to see it.
Now I don't want to touch her physically but in another way.Since she likes a lot of attention then it's going to be overflowing everywhere.I have plenty of it and it's going to be smack dab on the front of the papers.I'm sick and tired of her and her mess and when I don't respond to her I still get worst end of it.View Thread